Romper

11 Things All Breastfeeding Moms Daydream About Doing When They're Through Breastfeeding

During my own pregnancy, I was blissfully unaware at how my long-term, body-sharing adventure was just beginning. I thought that once I had my son, I’d get my sense of personal autonomy back and I’d casually embark on my motherhood journey with my son in my arms, or next to me, but no longer physically attached to me. Yeah, it didn't pan out that way. I chose and was successful at breastfeeding, so my son spent plenty of time attached to me and, during that time, I spent plenty of time daydreaming about what I would do once I was done breastfeeding. Don't get me wrong, I loved breastfeeding (even when it was difficult and, yes, it was difficult) but when you aren't in complete control of your body and/or beholden to a tiny human, well, your mind wanders.

I had no idea how demanding breastfeeding is and how much it would tie me to my son in those early months. As a new mom, struggling to keep up with the requirements of the role, I couldn’t stop thinking about things I could do when breastfeeding was over, as that was the metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel when my life would be one (teeny, tiny) step closer to what I was used to and what I had previously imagined motherhood would be like.

Now that my son just turned two years of age and we don't breastfeed as often, I'm a far cry from the 6-8 feeding sessions that required me to be attached to another human being. Still, I’ve spent approximately three nights away from my son since he was born (thanks to my pump, and to living life on the edge) and those nights have given me a sweet, sweet taste of what life will look like once I’m completely through with breastfeeding.  Here’s what I’m considering doing, and what I spent (arguably way too much time) thinking about:

Taking A Grand And Luxurious Vacation...

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Sand, sun, waves, drinks with umbrellas and stacks of magazines? Yes, please.

...Or, Maybe Just A Weekend Away...

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Pool, headphones, a bottle with a lime stuck in it? Sure. I'll take it. At this point, honestly, I'll take anything.

...Or Just A Trip To A Coffee Shop By Yourself

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A few rounds of Candy Crush? I'M NOT COMPLAINING.

Buying Cute New Bras That Will Totally Fit

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"I don't need fancy nursing bras," I said. "I'm not going to need them that long." If only I'd known. If only I'd known.

Getting Your Boobs Done

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I mean, these are daydreams, right? Elective surgery may be realistic for some, but I could never see myself going through with it (or paying that much money for it, to be honest). Still, it would be nice for them have a shape that's at least somewhat similar to what they were before I procreated and breastfed successfully.

Having All The Wine

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And not just having all the wine, but having all the wine without needing to check the clock and count the ounces and then use one of those little test strips to see if there's any alcohol left in your breast milk because, honestly, that takes all the fun out of the drinking experience.

Being Able To Take Medicine For Your Own Ailments Without Needing To Call Poison Control

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Wait, that was just me? Oh.

Setting Your Nursing Pillow On Fire

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Is that dramatic? DOESN'T MATTER, I'm still considering it.

Taking A Hammer To Your Breast Pump

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Don't worry, guys, if I go through with this one I will totally film it and share.

Completely Removing The Word "Latch" From Your Vocabulary Forever

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And while we're at it, "mastitis" and "engorged" can go, too.

Establishing Another Routine That Still Allows For Regular Snuggles And Bonding With Your Kiddo

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#SorryNotSorry, I refuse to give this part up.