Finding a BFF post-baby is no easy task. There are several traits to look for in a mom friend, and many ways to go about finding one. Mothers are so eager to make friends with other moms, that Tinder-like match making are being used by moms to form connections. In the same vein, cities are hosting "speed dating" events where moms can meet to see if they have a spark. If these modern friend-finding techniques tell us anything, it's that mothers value relationships with other mothers. So when you're looking to make a mom friend, why can it seem so hard to find the one?
Just like any other relationship, certain stars have to align for the chemistry to be right. It starts as a small nudge that tells you this person is someone you want to know more about. A little seed of unspoken connection between two people that blooms into a friendship. But in order to find this special someone, you have know what makes friendships successful.
Whether you choose to use an app, go to an mom networking event, or leave finding a friend up to fate, there are certain personality traits that will give you a good sense about what type of friend someone will be. If you want to find a good mom friend, here are some qualities to look for.
1. She Keeps It Real
The realities of motherhood sound something like this: You're knee deep in diapers and wondering when your boobs are ever going to feel like your boobs again. You can't seem to make it out of the house without someone else's bodily fluids on your pants and remembering to feed the dog feels like a huge success.
If you don't have a chance to talk about these things, you run the risk of losing your ever-loving mind. Be wary of the mom who tells you she doesn't struggle, that she has no idea what you mean when you lament about difficult bedtimes.
You need a friend the keeps it real. Someone who will grab your hand across the table and say, me too. She knows exactly how you feel and she admits her struggles as well.
2. She'll Fill Your Shoes
If needed, a good mom friend can step in and take care of your children in your absence.
She is not afraid to stop your child from jumping off the back of a Chick-Fil-A booth while you are in the bathroom. If you have an appointment at the OB-GYN during nap time, she will come to your house and put your kids to sleep, along with her own.
If you can find a mom friend who has the same parenting style as you — or at least very similar — then not only are you a great match as friends, but your kids will feel safe in her keeping.
3. She's Cool With Imperfections
As your friendship grows, the walls will come down and true selves will emerge. It is my firm belief, that if you've never seen your girlfriend without makeup (or vice versa), you do not have a close relationship. The best friends are the ones who don't care if your house is clean or what you look like on your worst hair day. They accept your imperfections and love you for your true self.
4. She Knows When To Say "That Sucks"
So much of parenting is trial and error. You try a new approach to your child's tantrum, and it's a miserable failure. The nutritious dinner you spend two hours preparing turns into a mealtime mutiny. You need to be able to call a friend and vent.
Even thought you want to talk about it, you don't need her to fix it. You know where things took a wrong turn and next time you won't dare sneak something green into the chicken tenders. All you need is a little validation. A simple "that sucks," can be a wonderful, validating comment. Because, honestly, it does suck.
5. She Can Handle Your Kid's Drama
Children are wildcards. One day they are following directions and being affectionate, and the next they won't get off the floor and put on their pants without a 45-minute showdown. These bizarre and random stunts do not limit themselves to the walls of your home. When you are out and about with kids, you never know when your son is going to realize he left his sticker at the store and go Medieval on the stroller.
A good mom friend will not judge when this happens. This drama does not make her uncomfortable or embarrassed. She's a pro and can handle herself while you wrestle a stroller from the Kung fu-grip of an enraged 4-year-old. In fact, she is already gathering all the snacks, wipes, and toys that have fallen out of the stroller and putting them in your bag.
6. She Has Your Back
Trust is important in any relationship and it's near impossible for a friendship to work without it. You need to know if other moms are gossiping about you or your children, you have the support of your friend. Not only will she refrain from joining in the gossip, she will defend you in your absence.
7. She's Understanding
When you have to cancel a play date or plans to meet for margaritas, she doesn't throw a hissy fit. She understands that sh*t happens, and she won't hold these circumstances against you.
8. You Have Things In Common
For a solid mom friendship to blossom, you need to have more in common than just kids. Sure, having kids helps to get the friendship started and provides plenty of conversation topics, but you need to be able to talk about more things than making your own baby food.
The dreamiest of mom friends are those who enjoy the same activities as you. This means you the two of you can take a dance class or go on weekend hikes together (hopefully without kids), giving you an opportunity to bond over something you both love.
9. She Is Dependable
As a mom, your life full of responsibilities, and there is no room for friends you can't depend on. You want a friend who follows through when you need her, and one who will jump to your aide without your asking.
10. You Have Fun Together
Moms need a break from being a mom every so often, and knowing you have a fun friend you can spend time with is a great way to blow off steam and rejuvenate your energy.
11. She Inspires You To Be Better
Even though your friend may not have the perfect solution to all your conundrums, she inspires you to be a better version of yourself. A better mom and a better overall person. You see her deep wells of patience and it pushes you to tap into your own. You watch how she treats others with compassion and you emulate her attitude. It's the things that attracted you to her in the first place that inspire you to push yourself.