12 Ways Every Toddler Is Basically Exactly Like Professor Snape
Harry Potter fans don't need me to remind them that the original Half-Blood Prince is a complicated, multi-faceted character. Actually, parents of young children don't need me to tell them the same. At first glance, it may not seem like Severus Snape and little kids have a lot in common, but after extensive research, I've actually come to the very opposite conclusion: the two have way more similarities than meets the eye.
For the record, I consider Snape to be brave and badass, despite his questionable methods of displaying these traits. While plenty of his day-to-day behaviors actions are borderline deplorable, his major accomplishments (spoiler: protecting Harry, his loyalty to Dumbledore, his turn as a spy at GREAT PERSONAL RISK TO HIMSELF) are nothing short of heroic in my opinion, though I realize this is entirely debatable.
And yes, while I think my own son is the center of the universe (in a totally healthy, non-overbearing, well-adjusted mom kind of way) with unlimited potential, I fully recognize that it's a bit early to predict whether or not he will have a similar impact on society, by oh, say, falling in love with the mother of The Chosen One and becoming a major player in saving the wizarding world from a vicious Dark Lord, while maintaining a generally sour demeanor. Who knows.
While Potterhead parents have plenty of ways to enjoy our fandom while parenting, I can't help but have a little fun with this one, too. Because, frankly, there's no getting around the truth: Toddlers are basically Snape. Here's how:
Their Motives For Doing Things Often Remain A Complete Mystery
What's going on in Snape's head at any given time? Is he thinking of Lily Potter? Or about how he's going to keep Voldemort believing that they are on the same team? Or is he more like, hmm, gotta come up with some Potions lessons before Friday or else the kids won't have anything to work on this weekend, and I need to ruin it for them since there's a Quidditch match and they shouldn't be enjoying themselves? We'll never know. Much like we'll never know what our toddlers are thinking as they gleefully throw their spaghetti and color on furniture.
They Probably Need A Bath At This Very Moment
Let's be real, my son usually needs a bath about 20 minutes or so after we've completed the last one. I expect Snape is no different. His hair is always a greasy mess, and his classroom looks pretty dusty.
Hair Is Def Not The Priority
Speaking of hygiene, never have we seen any indication that Snape is concerned with his luscious locks. Or, if we have, it's buried in the books somewhere and fan that I am, I may have missed it. My toddler, on the other hand, is curious about his hair, but only in a "what happens if I put ketchup on this?" kind of way.
Deep Down You Know They Are Loving
I mean, we know this about Snape because we read through the end of the books and/or saw all the movies, not because he told us. My toddler, on the other hand, does that thing where he springs towards you like only a 19-month-old can and aggressively tackle-hugs you. If that's not love, I don't know what is. The point is, with both toddlers and Snape, the truth of their love isn't always readily apparent. In fact, it might be hidden under many layers of straight-up evil. But it's there.
They Will Not Hesitate To Tell You When They're Disappointed
Snape does it by taking points from Gryffindor. Toddlers do it by melting down. I'm not sure which is worse.
They're Not Always Polite
Snape's forgiven for his rudeness since he's got bigger things on his mind. My toddler's forgiven (at least, for now) because teaching him manners is his parents' job, and we can only go so quickly when he's more interested in trucks and bananas.
Making Friends Is A Bit Of A Mystery To Them
Seeing my little one interact, or at least attempt to interact, with other kiddos makes my heart warmer than the Gryffindor common room on a cold winter day. Concepts like sharing and talking and playing are all pretty new to him, so you can only imagine the cuteness factor when there's another little one there to work with. That said, Snape might have a grasp of these basic ideas, but that's not to say that he's really good at any of them.
They Have Moments of Fearlessness
We've covered Snape's bravery in detail already, but let's be real: There's a fair amount of bravery required to be a young kid, too. Everything is new. They're doing it all for the first time. They have to put extreme trust in those around them. They have no sense of danger. I mean, my little climbs on the furniture and tries to ride our dog on a daily basis. If that's not fearless, I don't know what is.
They Have Their Silly Moments, Too
With my kiddo, it comes in the form of adorable wiggles and tongue noises. With Snape, it's usually from the imagination of others...but still counts.
They Don't Respect Your Personal Space
Most of the time, I'm OK with my toddler's attempts to climb on me. Not really sure how I'd feel if Snape attempted the same thing, though.
Books And Reading Are Their Jam
Snape is a professor by trade, which demonstrates that he has respect for academics. My son, however, is just now discovering the joys of reading, aka pointing and blurting out whatever images he recognizes.
They Do What They Want, When They Want
Like a boss. Good thing toddlers are cute, could you imagine how frustrating it would be otherwise?
Images: Warner Bros; Giphy(12)