Remember when you were pregnant and so intent about exerting that bomb-ass pregnancy sexuality, even with a growing bump that was increasingly in your way? No doubt you also went through a period of non-stop worry about the dangers of having sex while pregnant. I mean, it's totally normal, because what expectant mom isn't driving herself crazy with the Google searches and mind games she's playing with herself? But in reality, sex while you're pregnant is totally safe and you should count yourself lucky if you have the opportunity to have tons of it.
But along with all of that awesome, uninhibited pregnancy sex comes along the weirdness that we all experience at some point. Some of the weird is good, don't get me wrong, like being insanely turned on at the drop of a hat, but there's also the weird that is just that...strange. Have you ever had a baby kick you from inside your stomach the second you start to make any loud sex sounds? Yeah, then you know all about that particular brand of weird.
I'd be lying if I said that I was just a hella round, horny pregnant person during my whole pregnancy, because heartburn and acid reflux make it kind of impossible to enjoy almost anything. In fact, plenty of women find that the weirdest parts of pregnancy sex for them involve the sudden inability to want sex at all, even in the midst of what may have started out as a pretty hot session. Being exhausted from growing another human being inside of you does not make for much enthusiasm about sex.
The weirdest moments of pregnancy sex have nothing to do with the dangers of having sex while pregnant (spoiler: there really aren't any, as long as your doctor or midwife says you're down to clown), and are seriously more common than you'd think, though. Every pregnancy is different, but our bodies all go through a lot of the same odd shit when it comes to getting down:
1. Feeling The Baby Kick
While it may be super weird to feel your baby kick while you're going at it with your partner, it's just because they want to be a part of all the fun too, right? OK, that just made it even more weird. But to your baby, the only difference is that there is suddenly a lot of lulling movements going on that are different than normal. It's cool. Your fetus-friend will just think you're jogging or whatever. Get yours.
2. Leaking Milk
Nothing says "this isn't our regularly scheduled programming" like breast milk dripping out of your swollen tatas in the middle of sex. Chances are, your partner will be too polite (and frankly, busy) to say anything about it, but if you notice, just remember that however weird it may be to already have milk making an appearance, it's totally normal. Besides, pregnant sex is all about embracing the extra ~realness~ of your amazing, life-producing body. Anyone who's going to get grossed out by a little ~realness~ obviously is too afraid to deserve to be having sex with you anyway.
3. Being Inexplicably Just Totally Not Into Sex At All
While some women find themselves more turned on when they're pregnant, others may feel seriously turned off at the idea of sex, at least for some of the time. It could be due to those awesome hormones again, or due in part to dealing with nausea, exhaustion, and swollen feet during pregnancy. Need I go on?
4. Being More Into It Than Ever Before
Due to increased blood flow in your downstairs region and your boobs being more sensitive than before, you may find yourself loving sex more than ever. And with the added bonus of not needing to worry about getting pregnant again, there is a certain lack of inhibitions going on.
5. Getting Creative
A big-ass (beautiful, incredible, awe-inspiring) belly makes some of your formerly favorite positions harder, forcing you to explore other options, which could be an awesome thing or a totally uncomfortable thing. Either way, the trial and error (or success?) process is fun and weird and why are you even still reading this?
6. Crying During Sex
You can thank your preggo hormones for this one, since even the slightest thing might make you start the waterworks during what was an otherwise pleasant sexual experience with your partner.
7. Less Enthusiasm From Your Partner
I know, I know, how dare they, right?! But a lot of the time, it's only because they're worrying about any ramifications that having sex with you might have on the baby. So although it's not ideal to have your partner be less than enthused about a midday romp, don't be so hard on them or yourself. It's a whole new ballgame (see what I did there, straight people?) for everyone.
8. Possibly Having The Longest Orgasms Ever
Because of the extra flow of blood down there during your pregnancy, your lady bits are much more sensitive, paving the way for longer, more intense orgasms that are a lot easier to come by than during your pre-pregnancy days.
9. I mean... You Might Pee A Little Bit. I'm Just Sayin'. It Could Happen.
Thanks to that baby growing in there, you've probably been letting out random drops and dribbles of pee all over town, so it should come as no surprise that it might escape even during sex. Your partner might not notice, but you probably will. Shrug. YOLO.
10. Cramping Up
Getting sudden cramps during sex might be a little more scary than weird, but most of the time it's just good ol' Braxton Hicks rearing its head to give you false contractions thanks to your uterus muscles contracting from all the sex. Since Braxton Hicks is just false labor, with those sharp cramps that fade away, it probably isn't anything serious, but while you're pregnant, any little thing that seems off is easy to worry about. (Again, the only real rule to follow here is "talk to your doctor." If they say you're cleared for takeoff, then go forth, and assume that most awkward hiccups are exactly that.)
11. Gas: Before, During, And After (Cute!)
That's right, farting during sex takes on a whole new meaning and level when you're pregnant. You're gassy at the most random times and while you have have been able to clench and hold them in once upon a pre-pregnancy time, it's just a no-go now, during sex, and even after. Like, I know we're all trying to have orgasms in this room right now, but I've got an actual human trying to push out this gas bubble annnnnd it's happening. Deal with it. All you can do is hope for the silent suckers who just fade away.
12. Rejecting Boob Play
Say whaaaat? America's leading ladies of foreplay, your boobs, might have to take a way back seat because of that breast tenderness during pregnancy, making them, at times, almost totally untouchable. Granted, rejecting any boob play during sex while you're pregnant doesn't mean that the whole session is out for you; It's just another weird and random moment of pregnancy sex that you're forced to get used to. Lucky for us, pregnancy only lasts 10 months or so.