Life
Being a stay-at-home parent is one of the toughest, most unforgiving jobs anyone can ever have. Your boss is tiny but exceedingly demanding (and sometimes you have more than one). The hours are brutal. I mean, it literally never ends. You wake up to feed your kids and yourself (and quite possibly, also your partner), then it’s a series of making messes and cleaning them up; Falling behind is inevitable, and catching up is nearly impossible. In short, being a stay-at-home mom is a heroic but frequently thankless position. And the worst part (in fact, one of the only truly awful parts of this otherwise pretty-awesome gig) is people — of the smug, working-out-of-the-home variety — often think you don’t do much more than sit around on your ass all day.
But most of us know what being a SAHM is really like, and quite frankly, it’s one of the most hardcore jobs around. In fact, the things you do and put up with and perfect while being a stay-at-home parent can make you a total badass. Sure, much of our day and our tasks might appear simple enough on the surface, but SAHMs are magical, honing in on all their special abilities and able to bring them out in a second’s notice.
When Toys Break, You Invoke Your Inner MacGuyver
Little kids have a tendency of being, well, less than careful when it comes to their toys. They will throw, kick, squash, and launch anything their tiny hands get a hold of. Perhaps it's in the name of science, or maybe just because sometimes kids are jerks. But when they come crying to you about their Barbie’s head falling off, you are ready to stick that sucker back on the body with ease.
You Can Win A Fight Against Any Creepy, Crawly Thing To Protect Your Kid
Spiders, ants, roaches — oh, my! Your kid is bound to encounter one and perhaps freak out (or maybe you’ll freak out because your kid is about to try to put one in their mouth). Regardless, when it comes to removal and/or extermination of household vermin, you’re the go-to person. Hardcore.
You Can Throw A Kick-Ass Party With Few Supplies Under A Tight Deadline
Give any SAHM a budget, a deadline, and a theme, and she’ll be sure to come up with something great. Two weeks until your son’s Elmo-themed 4th birthday? No problem! There’ll be an Elmo cake, Elmo coloring books, a pin-the-hat-on-the-Elmo game made out of construction paper and velcro, and Elmo the Musical playing as background music.
When Boredom Strikes, No One Is More Creative Than You
When your child is having the ultimate meltdown because he just can’t be bothered to play with the 20,427,090 toys he got for Christmas, you’re quick to come up with new activities using things like a bucket of old toilet paper rolls, some homemade Play-Doh, fun-shaped cookie cutters, or some blankets and pillows for a fort.
No One Is Better At Reading Stories Than You Are
If you’re the parent who reads the most to your child, you’ve no doubt perfected the voices and added sound effects for all of their favorite books. You make those stories come to life.
Your Ability To Keep A Fully-Stocked House Is Unparalelled
SAHM’s tend to keep a running inventory in their head of any and all of the following items: toilet paper, diapers, baby wipes, wine, diaper cream, dish soap, beer, snacks for the toddler, snacks for when you’re up at midnight and can’t sleep, shampoo and conditioner, socks (because they’re always going missing)...
...And Your Multi-Tasking Skills Are Unmatched
Yes, SAHM, only you can make appointments for all your family members' various needs while doing art projects with your toddler and preparing a snack and doing your 3rd load of laundry annnnnd also beating your last Peggle score. Your partner will never get it.
When It Comes To Caring For The Sick And Injured, Florence Nightingale's Got Nothing On You
Making nourishing soups, Neosporin-ing the hell out of boo-boos, checking temperatures on wiggly babies, icing all those goose eggs, cleaning up cuts and scrapes, and handing out proper medicine dosages are just among some of the magical skills you have perfected.
You’ve Mastered The Art Of Laundry (Or At Least You Almost Have)
OK, so you’re probably always doing this, but at least you probably have a method to your madness. Maybe you’re a fan of the Kon-Mari method, or perhaps you simply roll everything up and dump it into the appropriate drawer as soon as possible. Or maybe you’re one of those parents who use their toddler’s crib as an additional hamper. No judgement here. You get it done. That should be impressive enough for anyone.
You’ve Dealt With So Many Bodily Fluids That You’ve Developed An Iron Stomach
After college, you figured you were done wiping up other people's vomit from the bathroom floor. But no. Instead, you decided to have kids. And because you are with them all the damn time, you have come to know and recognize everything that goes in and comes out of their tiny bodies, and have also been able to hold down your lunch while dealing with it.
Much Like A Superhero, You Can Sense Danger From Miles Away (Or At Least From Across A Few Rooms)
Your ability to sense distress in your child(ren) becomes acute when you are with them 24 hours a day. You will know what kind of trouble they can get into just by doing a quick room scan. You know that too much silence will inevitably mean disaster. Your heightened awareness can only mean you were likely once bitten by a radioactive something or other and you’ll be joining Dr. Charles Xavier in the future, no doubt.
You Become A Scheduling Wizard
I’m not talking about having a set daily schedule necessarily, because being a stay-at-home-mom isn’t like working in an office with a rigid schedule. Rather, your ability to keep track of everyone’s doctor schedules and classes and after-school activities and birthdays and weddings and bar mitzvahs and hair appointments and dental cleanings and baby showers and everything else. No one does it like you do.
And Finally, Your Ability To Not Completely Lose Your Sensibilities While Being Bombarded With Thomas The Train, Doc McStuffins, And The Wheels On The Bus All Day, Every Damn Day
Do you wear earplugs? Are you just incredibly zen? How do you do it? How do we do it?! Bad. Ass.
