13 Text Messages Every Woman Sends Her BFF When She Has A Newborn

Someday, I may dig deeply into my phone to look back at the early texts I sent when I had a newborn. What a glorious time capsule, right? I'd wager that the string of messages is among the most accurate snapshots that exists of new motherhood (especially the ones sent to my partner from the couch when the baby was sleeping on my chest and there was no way I was going to move because it was the most perfect angle ever for smelling the top of his head).

That said, a close second behind the texts between my husband and I are the ones I sent to my closest friends. Texting saved my sanity during those early weeks, mainly because I could do it silently while the baby nursed or while I pumped. Also because it didn't require me to speak words out loud in cohesive sentences, which was a challenge given the sleep deprivation. Oh, and also because I could do it at all hours of the night knowing that my friends would get to it when they woke up (though, a note to anyone with a bestie about the bring home a baby: adjust your ringtone volume accordingly). Here's a small sampling of what types of messages were getting sent during the blissful (*cough*) weeks.:

A Celebration Of Not Being Pregnant

It's the second-most important foot discovery you'll experience as a new mom.

A Celebration Of Being Through Labor

Praise hands are pretty much the only appropriate response to this one. Also, you'r a liar.

The Logistical Challenges Of Motherhood

The list could go on, but typing takes effort you need to save for searching for the nursing pillow, so we'll stop there.

When She Asked If She Can Bring Anything When She Comes Over

Because it's not polite to ask her to bring three nannies and a sleeping mask.

Pretending Like Everything’s Normal

Nothing to see here. Just a normal person casually going through what is arguably the biggest transition life has to offer.

Discussion Of Whatever Dated Shows You're Binge-Watching Late At Night:

Followed shortly by "WHAT ABOUT THE POLAR BEARS???"

Super Deep Commentary On Motherhood

She'll get it.

On Your Physical Recovery

It's probably better not to mention how long it can take before one feels normal again.

On The Emotional Challenges

Damn it, Kelly. You really ruined everything.

On Your Partner

Wait, what? Who said that? Someone must have stolen my phone and typed this concerning message without me knowing!

An Attempt To Stay Relevant

It's cool. We all had to ask.

You're Not Even Sure What You Were Trying To Say

You sent more versions of this than you care to admit.

Truer Emojis Have Never Been Sent

Although, maybe a few more hearts could have been included, for accuracy's sake.