TLC gave us a lot of life lessons in the '90s and early '00s, but one of the most important? Don't settle for a scrub. You're a grown ass woman and there are certain traits you should look for in a partner because you don't need someone that begs you for money, tells you what to wear, or makes moves on your friends.
I know, it sounds like an easy enough lesson to learn, but it's harder than it sounds. I think we can all admit that we have been in relationships we shouldn't have been in and put up with more bullsh*t than was necessary. Of course, no relationship is going to be perfect. You're going to fight with your SO, you're going to wish they would just leave you alone, and you're going to be driven crazy by their antics. But too often, we don't pay attention to the bigger issues brewing in a relationship. Like growing resentful because your partner has zero ambition to do anything with their life. Or putting up with a constant bad attitude and trust issues because that's "just who they are."
You're a grown ass woman. You have bills to pay, a life to live, and maybe even children to raise. You don't have time for scrubs. You don't have time for anyone who is less than what you need. You're not being high maintenance or rude for refusing to put up with sh*t in a relationship, OK? These 13 traits you should look for in a partner can help change your perspective and give you more to go on than "must be nice." Ain't nobody got time for nonsense.
1. They Have Ambition
It's easy to say you won't be with someone who's unemployed, but that's not always a black and white scenario. Focus less on your partner's job (or lack thereof), and pay attention to a bigger word — ambition. If your partner doesn't have it, then they shouldn't have you. And even more important? They have to be working towards those ambitions. TLC said a scrub is someone who's, "always talking 'bout what he wants, but just sits on his broke ass." Keep it in mind.
2. They Bring Out The Best In You
I don't believe that a partner should be your everything or that you should change yourself for your SO, but I do think they should bring out the best in you. They should encourage you to chase your dreams, give you that extra confidence boost to go for it, and help bring you back down to earth when you've lost your cool for the hundredth time. You need a partner that makes you want to be a better person.
3. They Have A Sense Of Humor
Life is going to throw some obstacles at your relationship and you need someone who can roll with the punches by your side. A sense of humor is all the armor you two need. If your SO can't see the funny side of a situation or laugh at themselves when it's all too much, then ain't nobody got time for that.
4. They Have Friends
Life may be too busy to get together as often as they'd like, but your SO should definitely have some friends. Not only does it show you the type of company they keep (If they're hanging with a bunch of d*uches, well then...), but it can also give you a sense of their loyalty and dependability as a person.
5. They Appreciate You
If your partner doesn't appreciate you, then they are most definitely out. You don't need roses every time you make them dinner or a gift once a month, but a simple "thank you" can do wonders for your own self-esteem and self-worth. Find someone who appreciates you and is grateful for all that you do.
6. They Can Handle Losing To You
Whether it's a game of tennis or Scrabble on a Saturday night, you need a partner that can handle losing a game or two. If not, that competitiveness can turn into a tendency to control and leave you wondering where it all went wrong. The minute your SO loses it because you beat them in poker is the day you call it quits.
7. Their Personality Complements Yours
When your partner's personality complements yours, magic is bound to happen. You don't have to be exactly the same or polar opposites, either. It's more yin and yang, creating a healthy balance. Maybe you're a big time dreamer and your SO is able to keep your head firmly planted in the ground while letting your mind float to the clouds. When the personalities complement each other, you both know how to help the other person, how to keep them calm, and how to give them the perspective you need.
8. They Believe Family Is Important
I get that certain situations may lead a person to have to cut ties with family members, but if they don't understand that family is important and part of a happy, healthy life, then they won't understand your own beliefs on it.
9. They Respect You & Your Choices
You're more than welcome to ask your SO for their opinion on something you're doing or considering, but no matter what their response is, they should respect you and your choices. You don't need someone belittling your ideas or actions. You need someone who is proud to stand beside you and respectful of all that you do and are.
10. They Are Understanding
I'm a mom, so no matter how hard my boyfriend and I plan date nights or weekend getaways, there's a good chance something with my daughter will come up and change everything. I'm incredibly grateful that my guy is so understanding of the situation and is never resentful, angry, or irritated when Alice has to join us for dinner or our middle-of-the-night fun is interrupted by her cries. You deserve the same in a partner.
11. They Are Proud Of You
If your SO won't stand next to you in front of everyone they know and say, "This is the person I love," then what are you doing with them? They should be proud to be with you, proud of the person you are, and proud that you love them, too.
12. They Never Talk Down To You
Your SO is going to get irritated with you some days, this is just a fact. And some days you two are going to fight and bicker and drive each other crazy. But your partner should never talk down to you. They should never make fun of your ideas, call you names, or make you feel less than the incredible person you are. Ever.
13. They Feel Like Home
When you've had a bad day, when you need comforting, or when you're just ready to chill and relax, your SO should feel like home. Nobody wants to dread seeing their partner, and if they don't put you at ease and make you feel better, then they are most definitely a scrub.