14 Funny Tweets That All Too Accurately Describe Pumping At Work (Or Anywhere Else)
I, for one, had a love/hate relationship with breastfeeding. I found it difficult and somewhat cumbersome and often times, exhausting, but it was also wonderful to bond with my son and spend time with him (and only him) whenever he was hungry. You know what I absolutely without a shadow of a doubt didn't like, though? Pumping. You guys, pumping is the worst and it is such a pain in the ass and I just could not even remotely enjoy it. Thankfully, twitter is a thing so while I sat pumping, stewing in my breast pumping anger, I read funny tweets that all too accurately described breast pumping. Twitter, you're the best.
I honestly can't believe that science has developed a way to help men with their erections, but has yet to come up with an adequate and sufficient way to express breast milk. Um, what gives Bill Nye?! Alas, if you're a working mother who chooses and was successful at breastfeeding (or really any mother that wants to keep her supply up) pumping is a necessity. To keep milk production steady and decrease the horrible pain that comes with being engorged, you'll have to take time out of your life (time you won't get back, mind you) attach yourself to a complicated mechanism and sit still while important fluids are pumped out of you. You might have to pump in awkward situations, locations or around awkward people. You might have to store your pumped breast milk right next to someone's lunch, which is fitting but (to some, anyway) kind of awkward.
If you're not a mother who spent a significant amount of time pumping, the whole pumping process can be difficult to understand, and if you're a mother who did, it might be difficult to describe pumping to others. And, if you're a mother attached to a pump right this very second, you're probably in need of some well-deserved comedy and a little bit of a distraction. Here are 14 of the absolute funniest tweets about breast pumping, to get you through or explain the situation to those who just (lucky for them) don't know.
You Gotta Pump, When You Gotta Pump
When your breasts are engorged and feeling as if they'll literally burst, you gotta pump when you gotta pump. It' science, you guys.
Can someone please explain to me why "Oh The Places You'll Pump" isn't a book, yet? (And if it is, someone please send it to me, immediately.)
The Small Bottles You Pump Into
To be fair, you can buy larger bottles, but they do cost extra and don't come with the breast pump (at least, they didn't with mine) and trying to pump into tiny newborn bottles, when you're overflowing, can be a pain in the you-know-what.
All. The. Math.
Ounces, gallons, liters... it's enough to make your head spin, and definitely enough to make you want to kick yourself for not paying more attention in any one of your many math classes.
I'm sorry, but pumping is just annoying. You sit there, bored, listening to the pump make a bunch of pumping sounds, just waiting to go back to your life. Plus, you feel like a cow and that's just not that great of a feeling.
The Logistics Can Be Difficult
You have to hook this thing up to this thing, and get enough suction so pumping actually works, and store your milk or freeze your milk or use it right away. I mean, it's no cake-walk, people.
All The Multitasking
Not gonna lie, pumping with a hands free bra is a bit awkward but totally worth it to multitask things like eating lunch! #pumpingmom— Melissa Sangster (@MrsSangster15) April 21, 2016
When you get used to pumping, it can really become barely noticeable as you continue to eat or work or do a chore or play with your kid or one of the other million things you have to do in a day.
But It Does Have Its Advantages
But hey, even when pumping is the absolute worst, it's also kind of the best. Sometimes. Maybe. You know, it depends, and we will just leave it at that.