Do you guys remember Zack Morris' cell phone from Saved By The Bell? I had one just like it in high school. Now, mind you that by the time I went to high school (1997-2001) no one had seen one of those things outside of Saved By The Bell re-runs in well over a decade. But my parents, too spendthrift to buy me an actual cell phone but too protective to have me out in the world without a means to contact them, gave me my father's old clunker. I didn't get an actual non-humiliating phone until my junior year of college. This made me late to the technology, but not in an egregiously weird way. (The early '00s, man. Simpler times.) Perhaps it was this late adoption of a cell phone that has made it so that I'm still not a particularly big texter, especially in situations where courtesy dictates no phones... except in one instance: PTA meetings.
Those things are the worst. Yes, you joined to become more engaged in your communities and work with other parents to make your child's school experience everything it could possibly be...but it only takes couple of meetings to painfully scrub away that bright and shiny optimism, leaving you bitter, frazzled, annoyed, and wondering what the point of it all is. In times like these, you need the support of your life partner, likely home with your child(ren), to get you through it. Here are some of the most common cries for help...
This Was Personal...
There are no accidents. Ever. Especially not when sweet, life-giving coffee is concerned.
Once More Unto The Breach, Dear Friends
Whether you were peer pressured by the mom who is also head of sales at her company or you are one of those people whose hand has a mind of its own and goes up any time someone asks for a volunteer, you always leave these meetings reeling at all the extra work you've just made for yourself.
PTA meetings are basically like the Small Council scenes in Game of Thrones. If you're lucky, you're the Littlefinger.
One Day I'll Fly Away
You think, "They'd never be able to prove anything..." and then you think that they don't need proof to know and then retaliate by assigning you to clean up for the next year of events.
Without someone to share meaningfully snarky glances and nudge each other under the table when Nemesis Du Jour says something awful, these things are basically unbearable.
No Good Deed
Why do they always have to rub it in?
Hey, Wait A Minute
Those little animated dots will stay on your screen basically the rest of the meeting.
Domestic War Zone
So. Many. Feels.
Dress In Layers
The HVAC in schools is never OK. Either the classroom will make you feel like shivering Rose floating on that door in the north Atlantic in Titanic or sweaty Rose in the back of that car shortly before they hit the iceberg.
PTA = Keebler Elves Tree
Basically you don't have to turn on the heating in your house ever because your oven in constantly in use and heats the place for you.
A Modest Proposal
I'm just saying, what could possible go wrong?
You basically become Scarlet O'Hara shaking your fist at the sky right before the intermission of Gone With The Wind.
Cue the sad trombones. Because you know, whether it's pushy sales mom or your own damn, self-raising hand, you're going to say yes.
Ha! Please! It ended an hour ago. But is it so wrong to sit and enjoy just a little quiet reading time in your favorite coffee shop every once in a while? Besides, you just sat through a PTA meeting. You've earned it.