Courtesy of Kimmie Fink

Everything Your Baby's Thinking When You Try To Burp Them

I'm going to write a book titled The Art of the Burp, although it would be really short because I don't really know what I'm talking about (not like that excludes you from penning a bestseller). Does anybody really know what they're doing when burping their baby? If we're being honest, I think we're all just grasping at straws. It can be a frustrating process for everyone involved, including that sweet cherub on your shoulder. In fact, I'm sure there are quite a few things your baby is thinking while you try to get them to burp.

My baby was a terrible at burping which is, honestly, inexplicable. I am a champion at belching, so this should be second nature to her. I did the breastfeeding and formula combo, but it didn't seem to matter if I gave her my boob or the bottle. I couldn't get her to burp to save my life. Because I was a new mom, I was positively freaking out about all the gas that I was sure was building up in there. If pregnancy taught me anything, it's that reflux is the worst, so I definitely didn't want my newborn suffering that.

Eventually I did figure out how to get her to release those air bubbles (sitting up on my lap), but I can only imagine what must have been going through her mind as I made my feeble novice mommy attempts to burp her.

"Let's Do This"

I've got a full belly, and I'm ready! Gooooooo, Mommy!

"It's Good To Be King"

King Baby demands burping! Commence patting, loyal subject.

"Let's Try A New Position, Shall We?"

Mom, your book says there are four positions to help a baby burp properly. Your shoulder isn't cutting it anymore.

"Time To Bring In The Professionals"

I mean grandma, of course.

"Is Jon Snow Really Dead?"

What? You didn't think I was paying attention while you binged Game of Thrones? I see everything.

"I Think I Feel One Coming"

False alarm. Or should I say, fart alarm. Bahahaha! See what I did there?

"Any Day Now"

Patience is a virtue.

"This Isn't Working For Me"

Seriously, mom. The face down method is, like, so last season. Get it together.

"Do That Thing I Like"

You know, the bicycle legs? That always does the trick.

"But I Am Le Tired"

Mmmmmmmmilk coma.


What? Were you trying to do something? I got bored.

"You're Going To Need More Burp Cloths"

Seriously, I'm working on a good one here.

"How About A New Shirt?"

I'm really saving this spit-up for something special. I was thinking the Lilly Pulitzer?

"Lots Of Luck"

Look, lady, we've been at this for quite some time, and I just don't think your efforts are going to do any...BRAAAAAP!

Oh. Thanks.