I know that people love to go on about how much you need to keep some things a mystery in a relationship, and how, at a certain point, the romance kind of fizzles into a steady, crackling fire, as opposed to the roaring blaze it was in the beginning. But the truth is, it is totally up to each couple when and if that happens. The gross things you do with your partner can either make you wonder and worry about how you got to this point of letting go of pretty much all of your boundaries, or make you feel like you are seriously involved with your best friend (which is pretty freaking awesome).
If you're part of a couple who has seen some ish and gone through a lot to get to where you are today, in a happy and normal relationship, then you can appreciate the need to just totally be yourself around that person. And if you're with someone who has pretty much grown up with you, how could you not be comfortable farting in front of them and spitting up lougies that sit in your mouth the entire car ride because if you open to window to spit it out, it'll surely fly right back at you?
Although (almost especially) if you have a kid with your partner, there is very little chance that you have hidden any of the gross things you do in front of them. There is something about seeing a baby crowning, or helping you shave your bushy bikini line while nine months pregnant that just says "eff it" to any of the so-called "mystery" that you're supposed to be holding onto.
But trust and believe that you are not alone in the gross things you do with your partner and in front of them. I, for one, don't know how my husband can still be attracted to me with all of the farting that goes on in this house. And, I guess, to make you feel even better (because I am totally about to put myself on crazy blast here), I can safely say that anything gross that you've done in front of your partner pales in comparison to some of the fearless, disgusting things I've done in front of mine.
Like this one time when we both had to, well, empty our bowels of some crazy spicy Mexican food and he had to yell, "Shotgun! Bathroom!" and make the dash before I could even make it to the hallway. So by the time I made it to our only bathroom myself, the toilet was occupied and I was...crowning. So, I did the only thing I could think of and grabbed a few plastic store bags, turned on the sink to drown out any noise, stepped into the bathtub, closed the shower curtain, and did what I had to do. And all the whole, my husband was cracking the eff up from his place on the proper toilet.
But let me tell you that despite that moment, when our status as a gross and in love couple was pretty solidified, I had felt such insane relief. And afterward, we both laughed it off (probably him more than me; I'll never fully recover).
But we have a kid together now, so somehow he still finds some attraction to me despite the memory of the grossest thing I've ever done in front of him. Ours, it turns out, is not the only relationship where upsettingly icky things have gone down. I spoke with 14 women who have apparently reached beyond the mysterious level of their relationships and who were quick to share their own way-too-true stories about the grossest thing they have ever done in front of their own partners. (I mean, maybe these are not pooping in a shower level, but pretty far from tame.)
I feel like once you're married, nothing is sacred. I've changed a pad or two and gone number two while he was in the bathroom, with me carrying on a full conversation.
I'm not gonna lie. We've seen each other do some gross stuff, but I was probably the worst when I farted in front of him in a wet bikini.
He has heard me let out some farts in front of him. The first time I did it he looked at me and said, "Please don't ever do that again."
Threw up into a bucket while sitting on the toilet with massive diarrhea. He [didn't] judge...just told me it would be OK.
Pooped my pants.
Every time I orgasm, I burp.
Pooped myself. On two occasions.
I was completely asleep and pregnant with my youngest [kid]. According to my husband's story, my butt itched, I scratched it, and he claims when I was done, I sniffed my hand. All while being completely unaware.
Projectile vomited Szechwan beef from the night before onto my husband and the nurses while in labor with my daughter. Nobody skipped a beat either...just cleaned it up and we kept going.
Changed the gauze that was packed in a pilonidal cyst by my doctor after a laceration.
I peed on him. When I was passed out drunk. In bed.
Checked my asshole for hemorrhoids.
He helped me pop a cyst on my butt crack. It makes you appreciate having someone to help you take care of your butt.
He was going at it with me when all of a sudden he stopped and said he felt something inside of me. Panicked, I screamed, "What the f-ck is it?!" So he reached inside and pulled out a very used tampon.