15 Cool Things From The '90s That Your Kid Will Think Are So Lame
There are certain things from my childhood that are the epitome of '90s. The simple pleasures and hyped up fads I remember so vividly aren't appreciated by babies born after 1999. Not even my younger brothers, who were both born in the '90s, don't always appreciate them. (Seriously, a few summers ago I had to lock them in the car with me, blasting "Semi-Charmed Life" on repeat until they could admit what a masterpiece it was.) The fact is, there are cool things from the '90s that your kid will think are so lame. If my brothers, born in the '90s, can't get hip with it, how can we expect kids born 20 years later to understand the glory of the best decade to ever exist?
I consider it a sincere privilege to have grown up in the '90s. It brought me complete and utter joy, and it still does every time I think about what an incredible time it was to be a kid. No other decade of children witnessed the incredible change of technology, fashion, or media the way my generation did. But I have to say, even though I loved the '90s, there are few '90s trends that even I would think are L 7 Square.
1. JNCO Jeans
Denim with 36" openings at your feet, these jeans were all the rage in the '90s. Kids will never understand the appeal of these extra-extra-wide-leg jeans and, to be honest, I'm not sure I understand it anymore either.
Golf visors for '90s bros who didn't even play golf were a dime a dozen, but just like baseball caps, they had to take them off in school to avoid distracting their classmates. Worn to the side or worn upside down, visors were serious.
3. Wallet Chains
For some reason, attaching your wallet to your belt loop was just what you did in the '90s. And you attached it with a chain that hung outside of your pocket, so that everyone could see. Sick wallet chain, man.
4. Peace Frogs
I'm not going to lie, I loved Peace Frogs. I loved them with a passion. If you put a piece of Peace Frogs paraphernalia in front of me right now, I would probably weep tears of joy and then ask if I could have it. That's how much I loved Peace Frogs.
5. Bowl Cuts & Mullets
The two most popular haircuts of the '90s, even I had a bowl cut at one point in time. And no, you cannot see a picture of it. Some things are better left buried.
6. One-Shoulder Overalls
Nothing like the swinging feeling of your overalls strap hitting you in the back every time you walked down the hallway, eh?
7. Bucket Hats
Stop trying to make bucket hats happen, mom. They're not going to happen. Not even if Rihanna believes in bucket hats.
Scrunchies were the perfect '90s accessory, because you could put your hair in a ponytail and you wouldn't get that horrific ponytail ridge in your hair when you pulled it back down. Kids these days would rather eat dirt than be seen with an enormous flowery scrunchy on their head. Me? I still have a few in my drawer, in case of emergency.
9. Manic Panic
The semi-permanent hair dye that made parents cringe and made Hot Topic all of its money. It came in a rainbow of colors, and it made a statement.
10. Beanie Babies
The best and worst object of the '90s: Beanie Babies. Even though kids these days will never appreciate the beauty of a boxed Princess Diana Beanie Baby worth thousands, you'll never forget their allure.
11. "Da Bomb"
Those shoes are da bomb. That scrunchy is da bomb. Did you see her new pager? It's da bomb. Mr. Smith is da bomb. Everything was da bomb. You say the phrase now, and kids look at you like you're speaking a foreign language.
Before the smart phone, there was the flip phone. Before the flip phone, there was the pager. Coming in an array of colors, none of which your parents were interested in purchasing for you, the pager was the ultimate cool kid accessory of the '90s.
Why would you ever want to play a game on something that isn't your iPhone? Not even Katy Perry can bring the Tamagotchi back into relevance.
With stunning bitmap technology, KidPix would make the kids of today wonder why you'd bother with this program when crayons and paper provide you with better resolution.
From the ashes of the roller skate came the roller blade, an in-line skate and veritable death trap that you can still see in use along the Venice Beach boardwalk, and almost nowhere else. Nothing like picking the tallest hill in the neighborhood and catapulting yourself down on these babies. Complete with knee and elbow pads to match. I would fully support these coming back into vogue — anybody with me?