There are few things more stressful in the culinary world than making dessert. You start with an amazing, Pinterest-inspired idea — cupcakes made to look like miniature burgers or a pie donned with a fruitifed American flag — you read the recipe, gather the ingredients, and pray to Ina Garten that you don't experience a major dessert fail.
Well, clearly you did something to upset the Barefoot Contessa in a past life, because by the end of your baking adventure, you're covered in flour, the cupcakes have a not-so-beautiful burned edge, and the flag looks more phallic than patriotic. (Yeah, I really don't know how that happened either.)
Take a deep breath (Well, after you cover that semi-pornographic pie). Everyone's been in this boat at some point. Baking is a high stress situation and failure, big or small, can make you feel like the most inept person in the world. But you know what? It's a rite of passage. I went through this at my daughter's first birthday and now I know that it's better to spend the money on a professionally crafted sheet cake than bake something that will scar her for life. Now, I'm not brave enough to post my dessert fails on social media, but many others are. So dig into some Sara Lee and take comfort in the fact that there are at least 15 other dessert fails guaranteed to make the biggest sweet tooth gag. (And if you're ever wondering if you should put beef sauteed with peas and onions into a dessert, just don't.)
1Beware Of The Blob
Is it a muffin? Is it a cupcake? Is it a gelatinous blob of raw batter and some kind of spice? I don't know, and I'm fine with this.
2But Does It Taste Like Toothpaste
Nothing says "I love you" like a cake that looks like it was frosted with a tube of Crest. I think it's supposed to be a Lego, but those giant forms are a little disturbing, like something's going to pop out at any minute.
If a rainbow crashed into the mud, it would make this cake. And possibly look a little more appetizing.
4Valentine's Day Mishap
You know, I'm not sure if these are pink cake pops, or someone's organs splayed out on aluminum foil.
Creme brulee is supposed to have a nice caramelized crust, but I'm not so sure about the charcoal ring.
6Scorch Marks Are All The Rage
You could always say this dessert was an antique and survived some great fire. #vintage. Or you could toss it in the trash and pick up some Oreos instead.
7Home Birth Or Dessert?
When someone tells me they're going to eat their placenta, this is what I see. Perfect dessert for a potluck, am I right?
8The Most Terrifying Easter Bunny
I love chocolate as much as the next person, but there's no way I'm accepting any sweets from this guy.
9Floating Like Buoys
Is that a sea monster floating through this dessert monstrosity? And what about that giant hunk of something in the back? If you're not sure if those are blueberries or tiny eyeballs, come sit with me and we'll sob together.
10And Now We're Oozing
Look, I don't mean to alarm you, but there's something oozing out of your cookies. (And I use the term 'cookies' loosely.)
11Breast Isn't Always Best
Cookie fail or decoration for Breastfeeding Awareness Month? Choose your own adventure!
12Paint With Just One Color Of The Wind
You never thought a Disney princess could be terrifying until now. Although Pocahontas's purple sprinkle eyebrows are definitely on #fleek.
Need to breakup with your SO? Let your baked goods do the talking for you. "This blackened heart represents my love for you. Also, I hope you break your teeth on this crust."
14Creativity Abounds . . . And Fails
You know, sometimes it pays to be creative. And sometimes it makes your dessert look like some kind of archaeological dig.
15Tidings And Joy
"Now bring us some figgy pudding, now bring us some figgy pudding, now... Good god what is that?! Bring us some eggnog instead."
Images: Courtesy of Ann Larie Valentine/Flickr; doubled1304, pixy_pink01, susanesque, mariyamanna_, kelzzy77, michelle.missi.sevilla.kringen, bentd_1970, paleokitchens, gia_hando, tonisteele, nickbobdickfish, treehugsandwaterfalls, thelovelylittlefoodco, _peace_is_possible_, wanderrambleroam/Instagram