It's no secret that having a baby and subsequently raising a child is hard. Even the strongest relationships have buckled under the pressure of parenthood, but if you're nervous about what a baby will do to your relationship, there might be signs that you shouldn't raise a child with your partner.
You don't have to be in a relationship to be a good parent, but you and your SO should have a solid, healthy relationship if you're wanting to bring a child into the midst. Of course, this is for your child's benefit, but it's just as much for yours. Parenthood is the hardest and best road you will ever travel down. It can be lonely, terrifying, and humbling, and you're going to need someone strong to help you parent. Everyone loves to talk about divorced or separated parents and how they have to learn to maintain a good relationship for the sake of their child, but the same should be said for parents that are still together.
Love, unfortunately, isn't all you need when it comes to parenthood. You can love someone with all your heart, but realize that they aren't the one you should raise a child with. And let's be honest — it's best to realize that now and not after you've brought a baby into the world. If you're hoping to start a family soon with your SO, or if you're wondering if parenthood will ever be in your future as a couple, then pay attention to these 15 signs. They can prove that you shouldn't raise a little one with your partner, or they can prove that there's no better SO for you in the world to join you in parenthood.
1. Your Partner Is Immature
And laughing at fart jokes doesn't count. I mean really immature. You can't talk to them about things like labor or giving birth without them erupting into a fit of laughter, interrupting to tell a joke or, worst of all, plugging their ears and saying they don't want to hear it.
2. You Disagree On Major Issues
Your partner wants your child to go to church, but you refuse. You refuse to co-sleep and they think it's the only way to raise a child. If you can't find common ground or compromise on these big issues, you'll both be miserable trying to raise a child together. And worst? Your kid will be caught in the middle.
3. You're Hoping It Will Salvage Your Relationship
Absolutely not. I've heard of this actually crossing people's minds — that a new baby will save their rocky relationship. It won't. Don't do it. Sleepless nights, a major life change, crying baby — none of it can save your relationship.
4. You Have Doubts About Your Relationship's Future
Divorce happens, even when you don't see it coming — I've lived that and can promise you it's the truth. But if there's any doubt in your mind that you and your SO are not going to work out, then you shouldn't have a child with them.
5. Your Partner Is Controlling
If they'll control how you spend your Friday nights, what makes you think they won't try and control your parenting?
6. They Bring Out The Worst In You
Do you want a baby around when you're angry, twitchy, impatient, or miserable? Your SO should bring out the best in you, even when there's not a child involved, but if they make you feel and act like the worst version of yourself, it's not fair to bring a baby into that.
7. They Are Not Supportive
Being pregnant is hard. Giving birth is hard. Raising a child is hard. And you need a support system. You can't have someone ignoring you when you cry about how much breastfeeding hurts, and you can't have someone ridiculing your parenting choices.
8. They Have No Interest In A Child
Maybe they're only agreeing to a baby because they know you want one or because society pressures them into the responsibility. But your partner should want a baby as much as you do, and for actual reasons.
9. They Don't Help You With Current Responsibilities
Everyone gets lazy sometimes, but if you already have to beg your SO to take the dog for a walk or unload the dishwasher, chances are they aren't going to be very helpful or responsible with a baby.
10. They Are Abusive
Physically, emotionally, verbally — the how doesn't matter. What matters is that an abusive partner is not someone you should even be with, let alone raise a child with them.
11. You Don't Trust Them
The lies don't have to be major ones to cause a breach of trust. You and your SO have to be a team when raising a baby and there is absolutely no room for trust issues.
12. They Never Admit They Are Wrong
Babies are incredibly humbling. You think you know it all and they, very quickly, prove to you that you don't. But if your partner already refuses to say they're sorry or admit fault for anything, a baby will make it worse.
13. They Are Intolerant
Intolerance comes in all sizes, and it's not something you want around your child. Whether their intolerance means they'll have little patience for their own child or they'll raise a kid to be intolerant of others, it doesn't matter. It's all a bad idea.
14. You're Not Excited About Seeing Them As A Parent
No matter how badly you want a baby, if the idea of seeing your SO as a parent doesn't thrill you, then it's not going to work. There shouldn't be any doubts in your head about the type of parent your partner is going to be, and if you fear who they'll become, they are definitely not the one to raise a child with.
15. You Hope Your Child Is Nothing Like Them
You don't have to want a miniature version of your partner, but it shouldn't scare you for your child to have some of the same qualities as their other parent. You know it's not going to work if you find yourself hoping that your child is nothing like your SO.