Ever get the feeling that your little one hates your partner? My partner swears he gets the evil eye from our 15-month-old baby. I think it's nonsense, though, so I debunked the notion immediately with a totally scientific (read: not at all scientific) observational study. What I found was that absolutely, without a doubt, there are more than a few things that don't make your baby hate your partner.
Before I list off the proof all our partners need to rest comfortably in the fact that our babies absolutely do not hate them, I'd like to set the stage a little bit. This is me, asking my partner how he could possibly think such a thing: "How on god's green earth could you ever possibly believe that this adorable little baby hates you, babe? The blood-curdling screams when I walk out of the room could just be guffaws of joy. This wee one is so over-the-moon to be left alone with you all day they can't help but rejoice in this ancient baby-rejoicing way." I'll give you two guesses as to whether or not my partner was convinced by my positive talk alone, but you're only going to need one.
In fact, this was my partner's response: "This chick is bullsh*ting. That baby's screams do not mean what she says they mean." Well, dear reader and dear partner, I sh*t you not. Sure our 15-month-old child pushes past my partner and toddles through the kitchen to get to me, but that doesn't really prove anything. So keep on keeping on, partner of mine and partner the world over, because these things will definitely not make a baby hate you:
When Your Partner Takes The Remote Away
Oh, that explosion of ear-piercing baby cries? That's just your little one trying to show their undying appreciation. I think the baby is trying to thank you for keeping that delectable baby brain healthy and screen-free.
When Your Partner Hugs You
That tiny, baby-sized bite mark on your leg that just happened to occur when we were deep in a long-awaited embrace was simply coincidence. I think the baby might be teething?
When Your Partner Kisses You
This isn't hatred, this is jealousy. Be, um, flattered?
When Your Partner Takes Your Baby Away From You
I've smothered the baby with kisses and now it's time for me to walk out the door. I hand our 15-month-old bundle of joy over and they nearly dive head first onto the concrete floor with squeals of utterly explosive joy!
Yes, I'm sure that's what that is.
When Your Partner Leaves Your Baby In Their High Chair
That little furrowed brow from across the room is contemplation, you guys. It is absolutely not consternation. No really, I promise!
When Your Partner Keeps Your Baby Away From You While You Work
I work from home, so my partner is an amazing saint who keeps the baby in another room and tries not to let baby see that mama is working in her office. Baby definitely does not scream and throw themselves on the floor in agony when my partner closes the screen door that divides the living room from the hallway to my office.
When Your Partner Tries To Joke Away Your Baby's Tears
Ok, so hate is a strong word, but I think it's safe to assume that baby doesn't like this too much. After all, we all have big feelings, right? Sometimes you just need to let them out while one of your parents holds the space. Can you blame them for feeling frustrated when you try talking them out of their feelings?
When Your Partner Interrupts A Feeding Session
Seriously, man. Can you blame the baby for smacking your face away? How would you like it if I shoved my face in yours when you were trying to eat?
When Your Partner Makes Faces At Your Baby
Again, where are your mealtime manners, dude! Let the little person eat!
When Your Partner Steals Some Of Your Baby's Food
OK. Now I'm beginning to see why you might think the baby hates you. Why are you stealing his food? Yogurt melts are specifically designed for new solid food eaters. Not grown-ass men!
When Your Partner Plays With Your Baby's Toys
Never mess with someone's wheels, man. Never.
When Your Partner Tries To Comfort Your Baby...
A baby loves to be comforted by any parent that's in the picture, so you don't need a uterus or to identity as a mom in order to be the one to soothe an upset little one.
... But Your Baby Sees & Wants You
OK, so that cute moment was fun while it lasted. Sometimes a baby just wants their mom, you guys. It really is that simple.
When Your Partner Wakes Your Baby Up
Why, though? Like, didn't anyone tell you that the last thing you should ever, ever do is wake up a sleeping baby? You deserve to sit and listen to those horrible, upset baby cries for as long as they continue.
When Your Partner Lets You Sleep
The ultimate betrayal, at least according to my 15-month-old child, is my partner allowing this co-sleeping, breastfeeding, working mom to sleep in two more hours after our little one wakes up. I mean how dare he, right?
I know I said the baby definitely doesn't hate my partner, but upon further reflection... I'm sorry, babe, I think you might just be right. Our baby hates you.