Despite the fact that Donald Trump is a serious presidential candidate and that we're still fighting racial and sexist injustices every day, I'm proud to raise my daughter during our time. Every day, she's learning how to be a better person, how to pave the way for herself and others, and will be able to fight the stigma of being a woman. Luckily, that includes developing a sex positive attitude, and learning ways to build a sex positive relationship when she's ready.
In fact, everyone should be striving for a sex positive relationship. The stigma of sex has been disheartening for so many, especially those who enjoy sex. Changing your mindset to think of sex as a healthy, normal part of any relationship instead of something taboo can be pretty difficult, which is exactly why the sex positive movement is so necessary. The International Society for Sexual Medicine describes being sex positive as having a positive attitude about sex and being comfortable with your own sexuality and being understanding of the sexual behaviors of others. In other words? No judging, no slut-shaming, and no feeling guilty or ashamed of your own sexual desires. Being sex positive in a relationship seems like a no-brainer, but sex can be interpreted differently by so many people, that it's worth checking out these 15 ways to build a sex positive relationship so you and your partner can feel empowered and comfortable together.
1. Don't Be Ashamed Of Your Desire For Sex
Being sex positive doesn't mean you have to want sex all the time or feel like it's a huge priority. Some people aren't that into sex, and that's totally fine. That's what being sex positive is all about — not being ashamed of your sexuality. Likewise, if you are constantly in the mood to get it on with your partner, own it. As long as you're comfortable and happy, then your desire for sex is totally fine, no matter what.
2. Don't Make Sex A Bargaining Tool
Sometimes it's cute to tell your partner that you'll go down on them if they do the dishes, but sex should never be used as a bargaining tool in your relationship. Sex is to be enjoyed, not used as a weapon or way to get something you want.
3. Don't Treat Sex As A Requirement
Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you have to have sex. Sex is not required by anyone ever, and the quicker you and your SO can realize that in a relationship, the more enjoyable sex will be. I was once naive and thought that even if I didn't feel like sex, I needed to do it just to make my partner happy. Wrong. So wrong.
4. Talk Openly With Your Partner About Sex
If you and your SO can't talk openly about sex, then your relationship is going to suffer. You should be able to tell your partner all about your fantasies, your desires, and your needs, and they should be able to converse freely with you.
5. Honor Each Other's Boundaries
This is huge. It doesn't matter how much you want to try anal, if your partner has put up boundaries on that area of sex, you have to respect them.
6. Remember Masturbation Is Healthy
I hear all the time that people don't think masturbation is OK in a relationship, and I couldn't disagree more. Masturbation is a healthy, normal way to relieve stress, to find out what you like in bed, and to simply make yourself happy. Just because you choose to masturbate doesn't mean you're cheating on your partner. Touching yourself is not off-limits in a sex positive relationship.
7. Be Vocal About What You Want
Your SO is not a mind reader. If there's something you're looking for in sex, you need to speak up and let them know, even if it's simply asking for more foreplay.
8. Be Vocal About What You Don't Want
They can't read your mind on this either. If the dirty talk makes you uncomfortable, or that position your partner loves kills the mood for you, speak up.
9. Remember That Consent Is Necessary
Always. No ifs, ands, or buts. If you or your partner say no to anything, you should both honor it. Sometimes it sucks when you really want to have sex with your partner, but they say no, I get it. But consent is the only real rule of sex, and you must honor it, no matter what.
10. Do Not Guilt Each Other Into Sex
I've been in relationships where this has happened and it's the worse feeling ever. You don't want to have sex and your partner is begging with you, getting angry with you, and then guilting you into it by reminding you of all the things they do for you that they're really not interested in. Not OK in any relationship, especially a sex positive one.
11. Sex Should Be Enjoyed
If you're not enjoying sex, then you're not building a sex positive relationship. Remember that sex isn't a requirement, so why do it if you don't like it? No one's saying that sex has to be some mind-blowing, multiple-orgasm escapade, but it should be fun and bring you closer to your partner.
12. Love Yourself
Girl, you are amazing. And if you're having any doubts about yourself, whether it's your body confidence, your self esteem, or your skills in the bedroom, it's going to show in your relationship, especially when it comes down to sex. You have to love yourself to be able to feel positive during sex.
13. You Don't Judge Your Partner
Remember, you don't have to do anything you don't want to, but you should never judge your partner's wants, needs, or desires. They are who they are, and they may like different things than you do.
14. Have An Open Mind
If your SO suggests some new position or wants to introduce something into your sex life, like a toy, you should hear them out. Don't ever feel obligated to do anything, but if you're willing to try, then why not?
15. Make Sure You Trust Your Partner
Sex is huge. It's not some small part of your life, and it's a big deal. So trusting your partner is completely necessary when it comes to sex. You have to trust that they won't force you into anything, that they won't coerce you into a position you're unsure of, and that they won't ever make you feel bad in any aspect when it comes to sex. Your partner should support you and love you, and when you have that trust built with them, you're definitely able to have a sex positive relationship.