Scene: An OB/GYN’s office in New York City. A husband and his pregnant wife are sitting in a waiting room. The woman is calmly reading a magazine while the husband is fidgeting. “Are you going to ask?” he says nervously. “No, you ask,” she says. He responds: “But I’m not pregnant.” “But it’s your question,” she answers. That husband and wife were my sweetie and I when I was pregnant with our first child, but we could have been almost any couple. There are lots of embarrassing questions men have about pregnancy, but are too shy to ask.
Despite everything that we’ve ever learned in biology about reproduction, pregnancy still remains one of the biggest human mysteries. It’s just kind of mind boggling how you can grow a human inside of your body, and boom: you’re a parent. As confusing as it is for women who are actually going through it, as the helpless bystanders, guys almost have it worse. Bless their hearts, men are kinda clueless when it comes to their partners’ pregnancies. They have tons of questions and concerns but are too afraid to ask. Now, though, you can just forward him this article.
I did some crowdsourcing to find out what embarrassing questions men have about pregnancy. And surprise surprise, most of the embarrassing questions men wanted answers to were about sex. Some q's are sweet, some are hilarious, but all of them come from well-intentioned and caring dads-to-be.
1. “Can the baby see my penis?”
Anthony A. asked it, but this was the number one question guys had by a landslide. The idea of their unborn baby bearing witness to the actual act of sex was traumatizing for many men. They’ll be happy to know that the baby cannot see a penis (or really anything else, for that matter), while in utero.
2. “Are you afraid that you’re going to poop out the baby?”
“My wife probably won’t want me to tell this to anyone, but she’s constipated during this pregnancy,” admits Ralph K. “I sometimes worry that she’ll push so hard that she’ll give birth to our son on the toilet, even though she’s only a couple of months along.”
3. “Can the baby hear us when we have sex?”
For those who like a little loud lovemaking, like Peter R., it’s true that the baby will be able to hear it. Medical News Today reported that babies 6 months of age can turn their head towards a sound. But the good news is that your baby will not remember anything, so have fun while you can.
4. “Do you feel claustrophobic during pregnancy?”
“I’m not a claustrophobic person by nature, but there’s something about seeing my wife pregnant that makes me feel anxious,” says Luke P. “I wonder if she feels that way since she always has the baby inside of her.” Well, for women, claustrophobia during pregnancy can be a sign of anxiety, reported Healthline, so talk to your wife about it. Otherwise, it might be a good idea to speak to a professional about your own feelings and fears about the pregnancy.
5. “Is it weird feeling the baby moving inside of you?”
My hubby, Michell R., asked this of me during my first pregnancy. I’ll never forget the first time he saw my belly really move. His face was one of shock, absolute horror, and sheer happiness — all at once. I think he had to sit down to steady himself after he witnessed it. And then he said, “Wow, that was like from the movie Aliens.” Well-played, babe, well-played.
6. “Do you already love the baby?”
For a lot of men, (Steve F. included), bonding comes once the baby is born. So they feel awkward asking if the mom-to-be has already bonded, because chances are they haven’t… yet. That doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen; some men just need more time.
7. “Does it hurt when the baby kicks?”
“I notice that my wife sometimes winces when the baby kicks her,” Bradley M. says. “I know in the beginning she said it was like ‘butterflies’ but now I’m worried that there’s a soccer player in there! She says that it doesn’t but I think she’s trying to not worry me.”
8. “Do you know if the baby has a preference for certain foods?”
George M. wanted to find out if his wife Sherri could sense which foods their baby boy liked better than others. Food preferences can be established in utero, (which might explain why today all four of my kids love chicken and broccoli). But while you’re pregnant, babies will eat whatever’s on the menu for that day.
9. “Do you like to talk to the baby?”
Says Kyle W.: “I still have a hard time grasping that there’s a baby in my wife’s belly. I’ll see her cradling it and talking to it, and for me, it’s difficult for me to strike up a conversation with her stomach.”
10. “How do you wipe yourself… down there?”
Totally valid and legit question, Tom E. As the months go by, it becomes more, er, challenging to fully clean your girly parts. You’ve got a bowling ball in the front, and it suddenly seems like your arms have shrunken so that you can’t take care of your tush, either. All we can say, Tom, is that it takes practice, patience — and a whole lot of balance in order to get the job done.
11. “Have you ever tasted your own breast milk?”
“My wife’s boobs have gotten bigger during her pregnancy, which you won’t hear me complaining about. But sometimes they leak, and I wonder if she’s ever tried it?” Xander N. posed. The milky substance is called colostrum, and it’s a personal choice. Some women try it; some allow their husbands to sample it as well. It really depends on the person.
12. “Does the baby poop inside you? Are you pooping out his poop?”
“I know that the baby is eating everything that my wife is. So…. where does all the poop go?” asked Jose R. Thank the placenta, which is responsible for not only providing nourishment for your baby, but also helping him expel waste, Healthline reported.
13. “How does the baby let you know that he’s hungry?”
“My wife has had severe nausea and vomiting for the first few months of her pregnancy,” said Rodney T. “Is there a way for the baby to tell her if he’s hungry?” It’s not like your little one is going to start yanking on his umbilical cord for mama to send down some more mac ‘n cheese.
14. “Is the baby tasting my sperm during sex?”
Adam K. wanted to find out which was better, to have oral or vaginal sex as a way to avoid spreading his sperm to his unborn baby. Apparently, there are benefits to swallowing sperm during pregnancy for a woman. And as for regular sex, the baby is well protected in the womb, so sperm won’t reach the baby.
15. “Can the baby get pregnant if we have sex during pregnancy?”
“My wife and I are having a girl, and even though I know that this isn’t a probability, I’ve always wondered/worried if that’s possible,” said Anonymous (for good reason). Obviously, the answer is NO.
16. “My wife wants me to be in the delivery room. Do I really need to be there?”
Aaron H. posed this question. And our answer is this: Yes, Aaron, yes you do — if you value your life.