18 Ridiculous Things Every Mom Texted Before She Had A Baby

For the sake of clarity, I'd like to start by saying that I know plenty smart, driven, child-free women who make excellent use of their time and energy and who don't need a kiddo to help them prioritize their life. I also know um, a few women (myself included) who make very, very different decisions about our time and energy, now that we have a kid or kids. Thinking back to my pre-baby days makes me realize that I sent so many ridiculous texts that every mom must send before she had a baby and, you know, became a mother.

Of course, it's not beyond the realm of reason to say that I'm probably glamorizing the past; but strolling down memory lane and looking back on my child-free days feels like watching a montage of beach movies and country music videos. Like, I know there was a lot more to it than just sunshine and solo cups and denim cut-offs, but for some reason, that's kinda where my head goes and is hell-bent on remaining. I seriously don't think I've worn denim cut-offs since high school, so I don't even know where some of those images are even coming from, but they're a thing so, you know, here I am.

Still, the fact remains that many of us think of our child-free days as a time in our life with more freedom and spare time than our now-exhausting, parenting days allow (side note: if you are a parent of a young child who doesn't feel this way, please slide into my DMs. I want you to be my life coach). And while I no longer have my phone records that date back to my pre-kid days, I've still managed to put together some samples of what some of that correspondence probably looked like, that are in no way* exaggerated.


On Plans For The Future

Or what state it's in? Probably California, right? I could move there. It's not like I have any major responsibilities tying me down.

On Being In Tune With Your Body

And let's all pause for a moment to consider that I not only have the time to consider my elbows, but that I'm also able to type my thoughts about them to another person.

On Important Responsibilities

Oh, and there's like three bottles of rosé in the fridge that I need to drink since I'm going to need the fridge space for the dish I'm making for that brunch potluck.

On Squad Goals

And not just via text and holiday photo postcard, obviously.

On Having All Mom Dreams Come True Like It Ain't No Thing

While we watch the unicorns frolic in the field that this bar as awesome view of.

On What Never Happens After Kids Arrive

And I can never imagine a time when boredom feels like a luxury.

On What Now Takes Six To Nine Weeks To Plan

And I'll also spend thirty minutes getting ready at a calm and comfortable pace without anyone (lovingly) tugging on my pants.

On The Environment

Because I totally just spent like 20 minutes looking at them online instead of paying bills and I want to keep this momentum going.

On Focus

And nothing will stop me.

On Having Leisure Time To Spare

A seven book saga isn't that big of a deal.

And Then Having Even MORE Leisure Time To Spare

And neither is six seasons of dramatic, confusing television.

On Watching People Grow Up

It's almost making me cry.

And On Watching People In General

Who else do you want to talk about? I actually know about all the people in all the headlines in all the magazines.

On More Deep Thoughts

No, seriously. I need to know.

On Surprises

That's okay though, I didn't have anything else on my plate today except yoga and a massage.

On Becoming A Mother

Or to cut down on coffee. I'm sure it'll be fine.

On The Future

No judgment, I mean. But I probably won't do it.

On Basic Human Needs

And be "LOL" I mean "Lots Of Love" because I'm not trying to be snarky or judgy or anything.