So can we agree, once and for all, all together now, that mommy brain is real? It's not that bearing or raising children means women are incapable of logical or intelligent thought. But it means we have... moments... and some of those mommy brain moments are funny. Really funny.
Look, the science backs us up on this one, you guys. Having a baby changes your brain. And you really can't tell me that a total later-in-life brain change is going to come without some hiccups. And you know what else changes your brain? Sleep deprivation, which goes hand in hand with children. In short, it is completely reasonable that this one time I heard my cat meow late and night and started trying to breastfeed it because that's what you do when little things start crying now.
Yes, that really happened. I'm not making this up. Ask my husband because, well, he was there. While mommy brain generally isn't all that fun (in fact it can be downright annoying) you do usually get a couple of good stories about it once you're more back to your old self. So I asked other moms to share their most hilarious mommy brain moments and wow did they deliver:
"I went back to the grocery store thinking I left a bag of groceries there. The manager couldn’t find it, but let me replace all the food I had thought was in the bag. I got home and the missing bag was sitting on my kitchen counter."
"I put a gallon of milk into the pantry instead of the fridge and thought we were out of milk. I found it two days later."
"I had an apple in one hand and my baby monitor in the other. I put the apple up to my ear when I thought I heard a noise and stupidly bit the baby monitor."
"I recently went to plug my empty dinner plate into my laptop charger. Hey, I’m up all night nursing and spend all day working at a laptop, so..."
"I kept checking the monitor, even when I was holding my baby. This is the mom equivalent to look for sunglasses that are currently on one's head."
"I spent five minutes looking for the charging port in my coffee cup so I could plug it in to warm it up."
"When my twins were about 8-weeks-old and would only sleep in their rocker swings, my husband and I slept on the living room sofa together for a solid month so we were close to them for night feedings and such. That was until my co-worker clued me into the fact that I could just unplug the swings, bring them our bedroom, and sleep in our bed at night. The thought never even crossed my mind. I figured I would sleep in the sofa forever. My mind was actually blown."
"I went to the store for batteries for my daughters soother. I needed D batteries. I stood in front of the batteries seeing D2, D4, D6, etc. I called my mom to ask her what the difference was between D2 and D4 batteries and if she could check which ones I needed... 'Um, Kirah. That’s how many batteries are in the pack.' Silence."
"One time I was rushing to get to my fiance's softball game with my 2-year-old. I stopped and picked up a pizza for her and some of the other little kids to have for dinner at the field. I put the pizza on the top of my car, got my daughter into her car seat, walked around to the drivers side, got in and drove off. I was driving for a good half a mile when all of a sudden I heard this loud noise. I thought to myself what the heck is that? I looked in the rear view mirror and I see my pizza flying in the air, box right behind it crashing to the ground.... I forgot to put the pizza in my car. So much for trying to save time. I had to re-order another pizza and pay for a whole new one!"
"Mom brain never ends. This is about my mom: when I was in college my mom called me and said, 'Hey are you home today? Apparently yesterday was your sister’s last day of school and I just had her waiting outside for the bus.' My younger sister has Down syndrome and my mom didn’t realize school was out for the summer."
"One day I was running late for my son's doctors appointment. I had him in my arms while I was running around the house grabbing things last minute and trying to get him in his car seat. After he was in his car seat I was frantically looking for my phone so I could leave... and made the decision to just leave without it. It wasn’t until I was in the car, hung up, and put my phone in the center console that I realized I was using it. I was on the phone with my husband the whole time."
Another Mom Named Jaime
"Twice now I’ve paid for my drive thru food and drove off without it."
A Third Mom Named Jamie, Spelled Different
"I once poured milk into the water reservoir for my Keurig..."
Writer's note: No fewer than five people had done the same thing, by the bye.
"I got home and tried to unlock the front door with the car remote."
"That time I dropped my infant off at day care and took her bottles with me to work. I’m a teacher and drove like a bat out hell. I made it in time for first period... only by the grace of God."
"One time when my kid was like 2-months-old he started crying in the middle of the night so I gave him his binky. Couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was wrong with him cause he wouldn’t stop crying but had already been fed and changed. About five minutes later I realized I was sticking his binky in his ear instead of his mouth."
"While feeding my 2-week-old in the middle of the night, I heard and felt a serious poop happen. I looked down and there was poop everywhere! I was instantly worried thinking, 'OMG, what's wrong?! How could she have pooped through her diaper that much?!' Then realized that, in my zombie state, when I changed her before feeding her I took off the dirty diaper but didn't put a clean one on."
"I was so sleep deprived that I put liquid dish soap in the dishwasher instead of the liquid detergent. Took several days to get all the bubbles to stop, but the floor was very clean!"
"A few weeks after I had my third baby, someone came to our door asking if we wanted to buy some mulch. I said, “No thanks, we’ve already joined a church.""
Writer's note: Our Lady of Perpetual Woodchips.
"I was so tired I layed down to take a nap in the New England dark winter. I woke up and the clock said 4:45 and I thought I was running late for my 5:00 a.m. shift at a coffee shop. I showered, grabbed a bagel, and jumped in my car. It wasn’t until I wondered why there were so many cars on the road that I realized it was the afternoon. It never occurred to me to wonder why my husband and baby weren’t home!"
"When our third baby was 2-weeks-old, we had a pool party to go to. Lots of planning for our new family of five. My older two were 7 and 5, so it had been awhile since we had been in the newborn sleep deprivation. I was so proud. I remembered to pack literally everything we needed for our day out. It wasn’t until we drove out of our subdivision that my son screamed, “YOU FORGOT THE BABY!” She was in the family room in her pumpkin seat. We both walked right past her."
"My firstborn was only about a week old and I was absolutely delirious with sleep deprivation. The Kardashians was the only thing on late at night and I remember waking up and thinking, “OMG why is this Kardashian baby in my house? How did this happen?” Like I was honestly and genuinely convinced the sleeping baby on my chest belonged to the Kardashians."
"I once wore two different shoes to work. All day. Didn’t notice until about 3:00 p.m., but at least they were both the same color!"
"I remember yelling at my husband to turn off the radio. There was no radio. It was a song in my head and I was too tired to tell the difference."
"When my younger daughter was about 2-months-old, I thought I lost my older daughter. I searched for her everywhere inside the house, and outside. I was in a panic, about to call the police... then I realized she had spent the night with my mom."
"An early on mommy brain moment was when I would stand and bounce the baby on my hip and then after a few minutes look around and realize someone else had the baby or he was asleep."
"Sitting at my desk at work all hooked up to my pump and pressing the F9 button on my keyboard continuously, wondering why the pump won’t turn on."