Candace Ganger

50 Things My Toddler Destroyed In The Last 24 Hours

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My son is just barely out of his true "toddler" years, but I very much consider him in the thick of it. He's not as advanced as my daughter was at this age and, well, he still acts like a damn toddler! Even as I write this, he's supposed to be napping but, instead, he's knocking on the wall. Some things my "toddler" has destroyed in the last 24 hours are, if I'm really being honest, not even a complete list. If I included the things he broke this weekend the list would be seemingly never-ending and, at this point, I'm tapped the hell out.

Let me back up a second, though. My sweet angel is usually just that: sweet. However, lately he's been wasting through nap times by getting up to play (loudly, I might add), or running around the upstairs to knock on windows or chase the cat. One day, I found him creepily staring at me from the top of the stairs, watching me work. I realize he's probably on the verge of giving up naps altogether, but then why the hell is he so cranky all day, every damn day? Like, just take the damn nap already! And don't even get me started on daylight savings time that begins again next weekend because, no. No to all of it.

Next year, as my "toddler" moves onto all-day kindergarten, he'll have little use for napping but, for now, he's determined to burn out every last sane electrode I have at my limited disposal. On that note, here are some things my sweet baby boy have destroyed in the last 24 hours (and then some). If you're going through the same, may the force be with you.

My Ability To Sleep

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He's not napping and we're regressing a bit at night. We still use baby monitors so I can hear him which, means he's also destroying my sleep. Help.

A New Lego Set

He literally just won this cool ferris wheel set, had his dad set it up, and in the hours since has slowly ripped it apart.

The Upstairs Toilet

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Too. Much. Toilet. Paper. The damn thing won't flush now.

The Downstairs Toilet

So much toilet paper, I had to manually get it out. Yes, it's as gross as it sounds.

The Toilet Paper Holder

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When he pulled off all that TP, he also broke the downstairs holder. Thanks, kid.

The Trash Can

While not completely destroyed, he did knock it over letting all contents spill freely. Conveniently, he was in school when I found it.

His Water Cup

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"Don't pull that or it'll break," I said, as he pulled on it and watched it break.

A Book

My kid is usually keen on books. We read twice a day. Today, it was a launch attack of books to the wall. So, yeah. Parenting is fun.

His Wall

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I had to tack up his Avengers calendar over a new place he'd scribbled marker. Red marker, by the way.

My Patience

Not that I had much to spare but, today, I've thrown my hands up in defeat.

His Underwear

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Pee much?

His Breakfast

That Pop-Tart didn't stand a chance. He crumbled it to bits and ate only about a quarter of it. Fantastic.

His Lunch

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More of the same, unfortunately. Food doesn't stand a chance with this one. At least he's consistent?

The Candy Drawer

I don't know how long the refrigerator was open (hint: a long damn time) but the drawer hadn't been shut properly which kept the main door from closing, which led to the light to go out. The domino effect in real life.

His Toothpaste

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I always try to help him but, today of all freakin' days, he insisted. He squeezed half the tube in the sink.

The Bathroom Towel

After brushing and wiping his mouth, he tossed the towel.

His Shirt

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Toothpaste was all over his shirt, too.

His Puppy

Toothpaste managed to get on his beloved puppy, too, which is strange since it wasn't even in the bathroom at the time.

His Blanky

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And his blanky?! I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried. Toothpaste is every damn where.

My Self-Esteem

I had a rough parenting weekend so when I woke today, I had a glimmer of hope it would be better. Then my son told me my hair was weird.

The Backseat Of The Car

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It's trashed. Like an actual dumpster.

His Backpack

He's only 5, but when I cleaned it out after school there was a sh*tload of crap in there. I don't know when he filled it (gloves, toys, paper, and gum of all damn things), but he's fast.

His Shoes

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I guess I now know how muddy it is outside.

The Coffee Table

That cup that broke? Yeah, the water spilled all over the coffee table, dripped to the floor, and soaked my socks.

The Kitchen Floor

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Someone (I won't name names) turned the water dispenser on until it overflowed the reservoir. There is a puddle in my kitchen I've yet to clean

My Bedspread

I found two fresh handprints from whatever snack he'd had (or maybe it's the crumbled Pop Tarts) on my bedspread. Ugh.

My Bedroom Blinds

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Bits broken off from the sides are scattered on the floor. He did this when he was supposed to be napping but, instead, was looking out my window at the mailman (and chewing off blinds?).

His Sister's Doll

He broke her arm off "on accident."

His Sister's Doll's Puppy

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The ear ripped "on accident."

His Superhero Toy

His leg is missing "on accident." I'm starting to see a theme here.

My Nerves

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I could use a spa day.

My Humor

Does manically laughing alone count?

My Phone Battery

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He played games on my phone and drained the battery just as it was time to go (and I needed my phone).

My Ears

For whatever reason, he's been screaming a lot today. TAKE YOUR NAP.

The Phone Charger

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Maybe he tried to charge my phone but it's been ripped from the wall "on accident."

That Cat's Sense Of Safety

My poor therapy cat, Feathers. She's usually very patient and loves to be part of the action but, at least for today, she's keeping a safe distance. I don't blame her. Actually, can I come, too?

The Mailbox Flag

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It used to go up and down.

A Jump Rope

Was there always just one handle or did that happen since he's been playing with it?

A Balloon

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I said "don't pop that." So he did.

A basketball Hoop

While playing basketball, he asked to dunk and did so a little too hard.

Quiet Time

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My brain hurts. It literally hurts.

His Juice Cup

"Don't pull the stopper out of the—" Too late. He pulled it out then spilled it "on accident."

The Tissue Box

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This is where his Legos live now. If you need a tissue, you're out of luck.

The Dinner I Worked Hard On

Refused all of it because it was "too saucy."

A Paper I Needed

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Used it to play, "Where mommy's important paper go?" I still haven't found it.

My Magazine Stack

Sometimes it's a neat stack. Today, it's a landslide.

My Concentration

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What was I saying?

His Sister's Heart

He said he doesn't love his sister. I'm starting to think those "accidents" weren't accidents at all.

My Heart

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Last night he told me he wanted a new family and a new mom. I cried in the bathtub.

My Need For Him To Grow Up

Regardless of all the above (it seems like a lot is such a short span), he's still my sweet boy and when he's grown, I'll miss the chaos. All these things remind me how little he still is and that, someday, he won't look up at me, batting those long dark lashes, to tell me I'm the "butter to his popcorn." So for now, I'm OK with the destruction. Mostly.

Update: He came downstairs quietly and announced he did not nap because his bed wasn't "comfortable" and he wanted to sleep "on the stairs."

Sigh.