When you and your partner become parents, lots of things change about your relationship — especially your romantic life. All of a sudden, sex takes planning, increased privacy, and one ear open to hear the wails of a hungry baby or a sick toddler. The quality of lovemaking becomes more important than ever, so to increase the chances of total satisfaction for both of you, it helps to know which positions help men last longer during sex.
Here's the problem: Although it takes women roughly 20 minutes to reach orgasm, a study of men in five countries revealed that it only takes about 5 minutes for them to climax. Although there's no rule saying that you both have to finish together, you may still want to find a way to slow your partner down so that you're closer to being in sync.
"Many men don’t differentiate between the hardness of their erections and their state of being turned on," Sari Cooper, director of the Center for Love and Sex, tells Romper. "However, these are two measures that men have to understand when they are trying to extend their erection time. When men climax sooner than they would prefer, it can be a sign of a lack of of attunement between how turned on they are and the amount of physical stimulation they’re receiving in a certain position."
In general, positions that call for shallower penetration are helpful for prolonging his pleasure, as are ones where you take control of the pace. But it all depends on the individual. "When it comes to better positions, a man has to know which position increases his erotic turn-on in addition to the pace of the stimulation," says Cooper. "For example, if a man knows their highest turn-on position is doggy style because his erotic trigger is butts, they should use this position for later on in their sexual encounter."
Another approach, as Gigolos star Nick Hawk suggested to AskMen, is to have your guy take care of your pleasure manually or orally before even attempting traditional intercourse. "It will become a ritual your body will adapt to and you will have ultimate control," he said.
Whatever approach you take, communication and consent are essential, adds Cooper. Talk to each other about which positions you prefer; if your partner wants to begin or end in a certain position in order to last longer, come up with a word or signal you can use to give the go-ahead.
Try these positions to help him last longer and enjoy a luxurious night of pleasure for both of you.
You On Top
The woman-on-top position is an easy and time-honored method of delaying his O, explained Durex, because it allows a woman to control the level of penetration and the pace of the thrust. If things are still going too fast, lean forward on your elbows (which will make the penetration shallower and help him hit your G-spot at the same time).
This cozy position, where both parties lie side-by-side in the same direction with the male as the big spoon, is a shallow-penetration move that will help delay his climax. "He can stop or start as needed to lower the excitement level," says Cooper.
The Christmas Wreath
Don't let the name fool you — this position is great any time of year. As the Daily Star explained, you can do this by having him sit down cross-legged while you sit on top of him with your legs wrapped around his waist. (The twined effect kinda-sorta resembles a wreath, if you use your imagination.) As with the woman-on-top pose, you can control how fast and deep to go. The position also allows him to play with your clit manually or with a vibrator, increasing the fun for both of you.
This variant on the missionary position is super pleasurable for all parties involved, explained the Personal Life Media website. You lie on your back with your arms over your head and your legs together. He enters you with his thighs outside your legs, where he can either thrust (moving up a bit to increase the friction on your clitoris) or gyrate in circles to hit all the right spots.
The Front Rocker
As described in Cosmopolitan, this "super intimate" position involves your facing each other while lying down. Bring your upper leg and arm up and wrap them around your partner, allowing you to set the pace of the thrusting.
Up Against The Wall
"There are positions a man trying to increase his stamina can use if he has more control of the thrusting pace," says Cooper. That typically means having something to push his hands against, such as the headboard, the back of a chair, or, in this case, the wall, in a standing face-to-face pose. "The couple can stop and start their thrusting in order to slow the pace," says Cooper.
In most cases, it's really not about a specific position at all. Sexologist Dr. Carol Queen told Fatherly that delaying orgasm can be a simple matter of stopping or slowing down the thrust just before reaching the peak (a technique called "edging"). Once your partner learns to recognize the sensations that signal wow-time, he can put on the brakes regardless of how you're positioned. This gives both of you a chance to breathe, switch positions if you like, and bring you closer to (or past) your climax before he continues. Bonus: This method reportedly can make his orgasm better, too.