Nothing brings out the kind and respectful comments from extended family members like alcohol, long hours spent indoors, and hunger, Right? Somehow, in a season that already feel jam-packed, there’s still plenty of room for uncomfortable moments with your family amidst the celebration, gratitude, and gluttony of Thanksgiving. Sadly, the opportunities only increase when you're pregnant, and you'll likely hear a few too many awkward comments at thanksgiving dinner when you're pregnant because, well, what else is family for, right?
It's no secret that digestive ailments are actually pretty low on the list of ways pregnancy can make you feel like garbage. So, when a woman should be focusing on indulging on the food that isn't currently inducing vomit or causing an aversion, she (instead) has to suffer through thoughtless observations about her "condition," assumptions about her parenting plans, and her thoughts on vaccinating, paid maternity leave and whether or not she thinks she can “have it all.”
While most of my extended family members are lovely in their own way, you may be shocked to hear that I don’t agree with all of them on everything that has to do with reproduction and parenthood. Hell, I don’t even agree with them on how much gravy is the appropriate amount to add to a plate, or whether or not to add apples to your stuffing (hint: the correct answers are "all of it" and "yes"). So, to the currently-pregnant, brace yourself; it’s going to go down this holiday season, and probably in the following ways:
"You Sure You Don't Want Some Wine?"
I’ve heard of these mystical unicorn doctors who tell their pregnant patients that an occasional glass of wine is OK. I didn’t have one of these doctors, and no one I’ve ever known in real life has either.
However, if I don't have a glass of wine in my hand when I'm well aware the option is available to me, it's safe to assume I'm choosing to completely abstain from alcohol during my pregnancy. No need to question me. I got this.
"I'm Sure Just A Little Bit Of Raw Fish Wouldn't Hurt"
I understand you ate blue cheese dressing every day of your pregnancy and everything turned out fine, but that pretty much means nothing to me, unfortunately.
I have my dietary restrictions and I would love it if they weren't questioned every time I returned to the dinner table for some damn food.
"You Don't Plan On Vaccinating, Do You?"
You’re not going to continue asking invasive questions about the medical choices we’re making for our kid, are you? Remind me to avoid your side of the family during flu season.
"Have You Told Your Boss You're Quitting Yet?"
I’m sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear you. Did you say, "Quit being a boss?" You know what? Never mind. I don't think I want to know the answer to my question.
"I Know You're Pregnant, But That's A Lot Of Food On Your Plate"
I know you’re not pregnant, but that’s a lot of food on your plate.
Can we just, you know, not do the food-shaming thing? Not now. Not ever. I eat what I want to eat until I'm full, and that healthy way of treating food is not open for your judgment or criticism. I don't care if you are my second cousin twice removed by marriage.
"Were You Trying To Get Pregnant?"
Think about what it means if my answer is a resounding, "Yes." Do you really want to continue having this conversation with someone you’ve known since her hair was in pigtails?
Actually, also think about what it means if my answer is a definitive, "No." Do you really want to continue having that conversation?
"Enjoy Yourself Now, Because Next Year You're Going To Be Exhausted"
Something tells me I’ll find a way to enjoy next year, too.
(Hint: I'll be staying at home with my new family member.)