In my experience, the third trimester is a tease. You're so close to meeting your baby, yet those final three months feel as though they last a lifetime. And while you're waiting, your legs and feet are swollen beyond recognition, your back hurts, and you can't stop peeing. So believe me when I say that some of the most erotic things you can do for a pregnant woman in her third trimester are also some of the easiest. Honestly, this isn't rocket science.
Every single time I crossed that third trimester threshold and entered into the final months of my pregnancy, my body would respond by developing a whole new set of aches and pains... sometimes on a daily basis. My legs would become tree trunks, I would start waddling, and my limbs would ache. To say that I was miserable would be a horrific understatement, to say the least, and not a day went by that I didn't let my partner know how uncomfortable I was.
As a result of my third trimester woes, the word "erotic" had an entirely new meaning. I obviously wasn't in any mood for actual sex while my body was painfully preparing to go through labor and delivery, but some of the things my partner did during those less-than-comfortable months absolutely counted as romance.
Rub Her Swollen Limbs
Sure, candlelight is sexy, but until you've rubbed the aching limbs of a third trimester woman you have no idea what true romance really is. So if you're looking to spice up your love life (read: help your pregnant partner feel at least mildly comfortable for a few minutes) go grab the lotion and put those hands to work.
Compliment Her Every .2 Seconds
I spent a good amount of my pregnancy thinking about the kind of mother I was going to be... and it was terrifying. I was insecure about everything, from my body to my future parenting abilities to childbirth, and having 40 weeks (more or less) to think about it all didn't assuage my fears. Thankfully, my partner swooped in and complimented me until he was blue in the face. Words matter, and a small comment of encouragement can go a long way.
Bring Her Food
You know that adage "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach"? Yeah, well it's wrong. The way to a pregnant woman's heart is through her stomach, so don't stop bringing her food to eat or snacks to snack on. Ever.
Read The Damn Baby Books
Your pregnant partner shouldn't be the only person preparing for the arrival of that baby. So read the books, attend the classes, and go to her frequent OB-GYN meetings. Show that you're invested and educated and prepared to the best of your ability, and you'll knock her proverbial socks off.
Get The Go-Bag Together
Speaking of prepared, why not just pack that hospital bag and set it next to your front door so you both feel a little better. There's nothing sexier, in my opinion, than watching a partner pack their hospital bag in preparation for the birth of their child.
Oh, and don't forget a toothbrush.
Listen To Her Complain
Yes, there will be complaining and, yes, it is your job to simply listen. Smile and nod and tell that you don't entirely understand but you get where she's coming from and you're so sorry and you wish you were a male seahorse so you could be the one that carries the fetus to term.
Leave Her Alone
If all else fails, just give the pregnant person in your life some space. As pregnant people, we don't need to be coddled at all hours of the day and night, or handled with kid gloves. We're still adults, we're still capable human beings, and sometimes all we want is a few moments to ourselves to enjoy some peace and quiet and a few baby kicks.
Sometimes, the most erotic thing you could do is leave us the hell alone.