Party girls often get a bad rap, even after their so-called party days are over. We live in a society that likes to call women out if they like sex. Our nation’s puritanical tendencies often have folks slut shaming women who wear revealing clothing and gossiping about other’s sex lives, when it should be of no one else’s concern but those involved in the act. There are even dress codes at schools and jobs that police what women wear because they’re deemed “inappropriate” for little reason other than they might “distract men” (seriously, wtf?) Slut shaming is such a rampant problem, in fact, that we’ve had to create Slut Walks (marches aimed at taking back the word "slut," especially when it’s used to place blame on women who get catcalled, assaulted, and raped.)
But as a former party girl myself, I’m here to speak out against those who would speak out against me and all the other gals who at one time or other enjoyed long nights of vodka-and-electroclash induced make-out sessions, picking up strangers at the bar just because you could, or dancing on stage with notorious party dudes 2 Live Crew (true story!) More than that, I’m here to remind you (if you needed reminding) that turning down a new partner because of her past is quite frankly BS, and that if you do, it’s totally your loss. Here’s why:
We’ve Had Time To Fine-Tune Our Skills
This probably goes without saying, but former (and current) party girls tend to have a number of tricks up their sleeves when it comes to doing the deed. Most of us have had our fair share of partners, all of whom had a number of different proclivities, so we’ve learned how to assess the situation and handle it accordingly. And even if the former party girl in question has only had sex with, like, one person, being a party girl means you've met a lot of people and had a lot of booze- and endorphin-fueled, late-night conversations, and I mean...you learn things. We’re also more than likely to try to find ways to surprise you with our, ahem, skills.
New Things Rarely Shock Us
If you think you’re surprising us by busting out a blindfold or handcuffs, well, we’ll try not to chuckle. Because we’ve gathered all the experiences that we have (either because we lived them or were present while someone else was experiencing them, or because our other party friends told us about their encounters), we are hardly shocked by new things. If you think bringing a strap-on to the party is going to freak us out, rest easy: it probably won’t. (And seriously, if you can shock us, we'll be really impressed.)
...And We’re More Open To Trying Them
When you start a new relationship with someone, there’s often a period of time where you’re not sure how many of your fantasies or sexual preferences you really want to share with your partner. Some might be scared of turning off their partner when they let them know they’re super into certain specific sex acts. But don’t worry! Former party folks are generally open to hearing about your fantasies, and will often even indulge in them (provided you’re open to some of ours, too).
We’re Good With Staying Up Late (For ~Good~ Reasons)
Party girls are no strangers to sleep deprivation. Chances are, we spent many a night all about town until the first breakfast spot opened to soak up whatever alcohol was left in our system. So if you’re down to get down all night long, we’re probably going to be down with that (at least until you have kids, and then you develop a whole other level and form of sleep deprivation).
We Don’t (Usually) Get Grossed Out Easily
This isn’t to say you can do gross things to us (especially without crystal clear consent). But what some may find to be disgusting, we might actually not have a problem with. I’m often surprised at how many people I know that are totally turned off by sexy-time fluids (from whatever gender), to the point that many people straight up refuse to entertain the idea of things like oral sex. Others are also ashamed of their own bodies (because they have more body hair than they’re comfortable with, or happen to sweat a bit more than others, or are uncomfortable with their personal scent) and it prevents them from having sex in general.
Many former party girls will not see these things as such a big deal because hell, we’re all human. Once you've spent endless late nights in bars and clubs and going to shows and parties where you're bumping up against drunk, sweaty people (and making out with some of them, and letting some of their sweaty, dirty bodies into your bed sometimes), you are pretty damn comfortable with all the grimy greatness that comes along with being a human. As long as we’re enjoying ourselves, who gives a damn if you shave or not?
We Won’t Get Jealous Of Your Sexual History
This one is huge. It's a pretty good idea to never ask someone about their sexual history if you’re going to get all high and mighty about it. As former partiers, we absolutely don’t give a damn who you’ve slept with, or how many people you’ve slept with, or if you’ve had threesomes or foursomes or been a swinger, or if you’ve done it with 5 or 15 or 50 or 500 people — that’s your life and your business. As long as you've been safe and healthy, and feel comfortable and secure about your own choices, and are bringing all the safety, health, and security into your relationship with us, we're totally fine with your history — because we have one too, and because we know first-hand that it's what makes you the amazing person you are.
By the same token, unless you are truly comfortable with knowing and not judging, do not ask a former party girl about her “number” (as in, how many people we’ve slept with), or what “adventurous” things we’ve done. It’s such a let down to meet someone whom you think you can open and honest with, only to find out they’re hung up on ridiculous things like this.
We’re Done With Partying (So You Know We’ll Want And Appreciate The Hell Out Of You)
For some, partying simply gets old after a while. Kudos to those with the energy to keep it going (because, I mean, the party life sure is fun). But if you’re just starting to date, or considering settling down with a former party person, know that we’ve already seen and done it all (or at least, a lot of it). We are more than likely done with partying and seeking something a bit more Netflix and chill (emphasis on the real meaning of chill). Plus, once we fall for someone, we fall for them hard, mainly because we don’t fall easily. This means we’ll be utterly devoted to keeping you and only you in bed. Well, unless both of us want to invite someone else in to play...but hey, that’s another story, and certainly not one that's universally true of all party girls, as few details are; We're as unique and varied and human as anyone else.
And that, ultimately, is the point: A former party girl has seen a lot and done a lot, and can bring all of that openness and experience into a relationship long after her party days are over, but only if she can find someone who doesn't use her ex-party girl status to put her in a box.
And if you’re still not convinced, I think Jon Snow said it best: