Do you believe in "the one”? Soulmates, life partners, the other half of your heart, whatever you call them, I had a hard time believing in them for a while. I wasn't convinced that there was one person out there that fit each of us perfectly. I figured you found someone you loved, you got along well with them, and that was it. You didn't have to look for signs someone isn't the one, because there was no such thing.
I believe in "the one" now. Mainly because of my wonderful boyfriend, but I also think it has a lot to do with my previous failed relationships. It's easy to see why someone isn't your soulmate when the breakup is over and you can examine your time together a little more closely. You see things both of you did trying to make it work, the way you forced your relationship until it broke apart. You see how you were always fighting, walking on eggshells, and butting heads. But what if you could find all of that out while you were still in the relationship?
Instead of waiting on that feeling of "this is it, this is the one", wouldn't it be quicker to realize that the person you're with isn't the one you're meant to be with forever? If your relationship with your SO exhibits these seven signs, it might be time to rethink your relationship. Finding the one may seem overwhelming and huge, but it's just as important to realize who isn't the one.
1. You're Scared To Committ To Them
Commitment is a big deal, sure. It's normal to be a little nervous, but if the idea of commitment is scary specifically because of your partner, you should check the relationship. When your partner is "the one", commitment shouldn't be a fear.
2. You Want Completely Opposite Things
Some things in a relationship are negotiable, like wanting a two story house versus an apartment. But if your SO is adamant about having children and you want to spend your life childless and traveling the world, it doesn't look like a good match. It doesn't matter how much you love someone, if they don't want the same things you can't live without, the relationship can't continue without someone getting hurt.
3. Your Relationship Feels Forced
When the two of you are together, it should feel easy and effortless. You shouldn't feel like you have to force quality time together or bonding. There's no need to keep a mental note of the last time you texted them so you don't let too much time pass without communication or follow a schedule for sex to keep your partner happy if they're the one.
4. You Hide Parts Of Yourself Around Them
If you can't be yourself with your partner, then they are most definitely not the one. You shouldn't worry about your long-term SO or future spouse judging your hobbies or feel that one bad habit of yours is going to send them packing. That falls into trust issues and there's no need for those when you're with the one.
5. You Don't Feel Connected To Each Other
No matter how great your partner is, if you don't feel a connection, then it's not going to work. Maybe you're not comfortable opening up to them or you feel like you have no idea how they would feel about a certain situation. I'm not saying that long term relationships have to be full of couples finishing each other's sentences or constantly talking about their feelings, but there has to be more than an attraction to each other.
6. You Want To Change A Lot About Them
Sure you may want your partner to cook more or watch less football, but these aren't things we would change about who they are. The difference is when you describe your SO by saying, "I love them, but I wish they would lose some weight and then they'd be perfect." Unacceptable. If you don't love your SO for who they are, then you are not the one for them.
7. You Defend Your Relationship To Yourself
You try and convince yourself it's going to work out because your SO fits a check list. But when you're with the one, you don't have to constantly list their positive attributes. You also don't have to follow up with their flaws and a resounding, "But I can live with that I guess." When you have to defend your relationship, that's your brain's way of saying this isn't working out.