7 Things Pregnant Women Are Instead Of Just A "Host"

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In more news to be filed under "You can't actually be serious," an Oklahoma lawmaker recently put together a bill that would require men to sign off on their partners' potential abortions before they could be carried out. The reasoning behind this? Well, women are apparently simply the "hosts," and the ultimate decision on what a woman does with her own body is not really hers to make. So yes, this is a thing. And now let's talk about seven things pregnant women actually are instead of a host.

Oklahoma GOP Rep. Justin Humphrey is simply just fed up with men not being able to make choices about women's reproductive organs. Which is why he so courageously authored House Bill 1441, a law that would require the father's signature except in cases of rape, incest, or the mother's health is in critical danger. Oh yes, and if the woman can prove the father of said fetus is deceased with a sworn affidavit, glory be, she gets to make her own decision. Humphrey explained his reasoning to The Intercept:

I believe one of the breakdowns in our society is that we have excluded the man out of all of these types of decisions. I understand that they feel like that is their body.

He means women... he understands we feel like our bodies are our bodies. So clearly he totally gets it:

I feel like it is a separate — what I call them is, is you’re a "host." And you know when you enter into a relationship you’re going to be that host and so, you know, if you pre-know that then take all precautions and don’t get pregnant. So that’s where I’m at. I’m like, hey, your body is your body and be responsible with it. But after you’re irresponsible then don’t claim, well, I can just go and do this with another body, when you’re the host and you invited that in.

In case you didn't already pre-know, here are a few things pregnant women actually are, other than hosts:

Super Smellers

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I know it's not much of a super power, but pregnant women have hyper sensitive sniffers. Which means they can sniff out bullshit at 20 paces. So Humphrey... you've been warned.

Top Quality Prioritizers

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Because pregnant women are exhausted, like every hour of every day. So they learn what needs to be done, what can wait, and what's just never going to get done faster than anyone else on the planet.

Secret Barfers

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Sure, they're barfing their way through the work day. They can't handle the thought of poached eggs (my personal downfall) or the smell of coffee. But they're so discreet about it. Think about it — how do they manage to keep all of that barfing to themselves? It's sort of amazing.

Champion Eaters

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When pregnant women aren't throwing up, they can eat. A lot. I'm not food shaming here, I'm just saying. I remember.

Fearless

They know what's coming. They know that giving birth is going to hurt like nothing you can believe. They know that babies are kind of jerks sometimes (they don't care if you're tired, they want what they want RIGHT NOW). And yet, they move forward.

Nesters

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Ever been around one of those pregnant ladies who suddenly feels the need to reorganize her silverware? At 3 a.m., because how can she go on with so many forks in with the spoons? Pregnant women know how to build nests better than birds.

Terrifying

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You think I'm angry about seeing pregnant women being referred to as a "host"? Go say it to a pregnant woman. Who is tired, sick of people touching her baby bump without asking, overworked, and a little afraid of everything that's ahead of her. Go ahead, please. I dare you.

Pregnant women are other things, of course. Multi-taskers, empaths, caretakers. But they are not "hosts." Because come on.