When it comes to relationships, there are some fairly simple dos and don'ts. But to make a relationship function, it takes more than just a simple list, right? There are plenty of things you do and don't do\ that have an effect on your relationship. So what about the unusual mistakes that cause distance in a relationship? Of course, no relationship is the same as any other, but there are a few mistakes you could be making that you might not think of as mistakes. It's those things that usually wind up slipping past you when you're in the throes of a relationship.
Whether you're in the beginning of a relationship or you've been with your partner for what seems like forever, the fact is this: nobody's perfect. You're going to make mistakes, no matter how hard you try. But it's good to be aware of the mistakes you might not even realize you're making. This way, if you're experiencing distance in your relationship, you can take a look at how things have been going and really assess why. Though being honest with yourself is the first step to closing the distance gap in a relationship, you'll need your partner to be honest with you too. Because an honest relationship is the best foundation for a relationship that lasts, and stays close, for the long term.
But a lack of honesty is a pretty obvious mistake. Here are a few unusual mistakes that can cause distance — and potentially destroy — in a relationship.
1. Keeping A Secret Score
Yeah, you know the one. The secret score you keep in the back of your mind for the next time you throw down with your partner. When you keep a tab of all the little things your partner is doing that irk you, it not only causes you to blow up (eventually), it causes your partner to become aware that you've really been keeping tabs on them. According to Your Tango, this can drive a wedge between you and your partner, because keeping a secret score on your partner can make them feel like you don't trust them, and alternatively, can make them less likely to trust you.
2. Assuming Your Partner Will Change
One of the biggest downfalls is assuming your partner is going to change, according to Woman's Day. Though compromise is an important part of any relationship, assuming your partner will eventually change and come around to your way of seeing things is going to hinder your relationship. Because compromise involves both you and your partner meeting in the middle, while change involves just one of you altering your ways or views. Rather than assuming your partner is going to change given the time, focus on accepting your partner for who they are, flaws and all, and you'll be better off in the long run.
3. Going Overboard On Social Media
This one should be fairly obvious, but I think it can sometimes be tricky in relationships. Whether your achilles heel is Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or some other social media platform, going overboard on social media can hinder your relationship according to Women's Health. After all, your social media accounts aren't really an accurate representation of your world, right? They're what you'd like the world to see. Chances are if you're constantly tagging your partner in every little thing, posing for a photograph, and cultivating your relationship for the digital world, it's going to be some distance between you in the actual world.
4. Ignoring Major Differences
Though they say opposites attract, when it comes down to it, ignoring major differences between you and your partner can really put the two of you at odds. And according to Cosmopolitan, even the seemingly tiny differences can add up to major differences in the long run. There are certain differences you can work through, but some need to be addressed before you try and move forward in your relationship. Your initial attraction might be enough to get you through the first few months, or even years, but eventually the major differences will catch up to you.
5. Getting Too Close With Their Family & Friends
Though everyone wants their significant other to mesh with their nearest and dearest, getting too close to them could actually wind up pushing your partner away. Although you should integrate your significant other into the life you have with your friends and family, think about how you'd feel if they started taking over your role in your group of friends, or your family. According to the Seattle Times, feeling like your partner is poaching your friends can wind up putting distance between the two of you.
6. Being Too Available
It's important, no matter what stage of your relationship you're in, to be true to yourself, and to stay involved in all of the things you were doing pre-relationship. There's nothing worse than when a friend finds themselves in a relationship and suddenly falls off the face of the planet because they're suddenly spending all of their time with their new significant other. In fact, being too available can cause your partner to back off. If you're only focused on your partner and too available,eHarmony noted that the pressure and expectations can cause them to feel uncomfortable. So instead of ditching all of your old hobbies and hangouts, make sure you integrate them into your schedule carefully rather than clearing the plate completely for them.
7. Believing In "The One"
Yes, believing in "the one" can actually hinder your relationship. Not only does it put pressure on your partner, but it puts pressure on you, too. It also makes you more prone to be less accepting of your partner. According to Psychology Today, by being too focused on the idea of "the one," you can actually lose sight of plenty of wonderful dating and relationship opportunities right in front of your face. Give yourself (and your partner) room to breathe without the expectations of your relationship lasting forever, and you'll be better off in the long run.