Isn't it weird reading about the deaths of the Riddles and knowing that Lord Voldemort is the one behind it? Dude, what a creep show.

Don't you just want to Avada Kedavra him yourself? Wormtail is the worst.

Where has he been keeping her all this time? It's seriously weird to think that Nagini is now a horcrux because of Bertha Jorkins's death.

We don't get to hear what he looks like yet, but knowing that he's super weak and is basically going to be dipped into his version of a bubble bath before he emerges as a nose-less, long-fingered dude, how the hell is he strong enough to cast a curse? Does he have his wand in his hands? How did that happen?

I get that because Sirius was friends with Pettigrew, it makes sense to let him know. But for some one who goes on and on about being safe because Dumbledore's around and always wanting him nearby when sh*t happens, he never wants to tell the headmaster anything.

I get that Harry's wizard friends want to do things the "muggle" way to please the Durselys, but they should know by now that Vernon's going to get pissed regardless. So Molly sending a letter addressed with way too many stamps is just silly. She should've just used an owl. Or asked Hermione! Hermione was raised as a muggle, she'd know, geez.

I mean, sure, seeing Dudley with a giant tongue is kind of hilarious, but Mr. Weasley's right; the twins could've totally messed up some serious wizard-muggle relations.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Molly and Arthur Weasley are saints. Fred and George never listen to them and I would be totally gray if I had to deal with those two as my children.

OK, I know other people die, but reading about Fred and knowing that in a few years he's going to die is kind of heartbreaking, right?

Seriously, Percy is already droning on about his ministry work. J.K. Rowling made sure to throw in some foreshadowing about him becoming a total ministry a-hole.

Dude, long hair and an earring? Sign me up, Bill Weasley. Fleur ain't got nothin' on me. Also, more foreshadowing! I love that we're talking about Bill's appearance and soon he's going to be mauled by a werewolf.

I think that would be my least favorite way to travel in the wizarding world. Also, more foreshadowing! Portkeys aren't going to sound so great at the end of this book, Harry. (And Cedric.)

Seriously, how fun do they sound?

Totally forgot about Winky the house-elf! Poor Winky. Terrified of heights and being forced to save Crouch's seat anyway. Don't you just want to wrap her up in a blanket and take her home?

Hermione, you're totally going to be lusted after by Krum, and Bill is totally going to marry a chick who's half-Veela. I'm basically psychic now. Like Professor Trelawney, except accurate.

Chasing after muggles and causing a violent ruckus? It's like Rowling knew that one day we would have a Donald Trump rally to compare it to.

Come on, Arthur. You know they aren't going to stick together and actually keep themselves safe. Amateur.

Come be my house-elf, Winky! I won't curse you and make you steal other people's wands and then fire you in front of everyone.

Oh hi. I'm going to hate you, but also secretly like you a little bit.

You're going into year four of this world, Harry. Of course it means Voldemort's back when your scar hurts, get it together. Also, quit telling Ron and Hermione everything and tell an actual adult already.

You guys, Mad-Eye wasn't just attacked! Barty Crouch Jr. is impersonating him with a whole lot of Polyjuice potion! Do work, son.

Seriously, we get it, Rowling. There's going to be an exciting event at Hogwarts. You've played it up enough.

All that talk made it seem like Sirius was going to become headmaster or something. Kind of bummed, not going to lie.

Nice of you to not get in trouble within the first five minutes of the school year, Potter.

Oh sweet little activist Hermione just got her first taste of injustice at Hogwarts and she is PISSED.

I'm so surprised Dumbledore doesn't know this already. I mean, he's the most powerful wizard ever, right? I feel like he should know when someone's just sipping the ol' Polyjuice.

I mean, it's hard to take on another person entirely and convince an entire world that you are them. How long has he been working on this? How did he know so much about Mad-Eye?

I don't get how the Triwizard Tournament is allowed. They say there are new safety measures, including no wizards under the age of 17, but last I checked, 17-year-olds can perish, too. I would be so angry if I was a Hogwarts parent.

Nice little foreshadowing there, Rowling. They're going to snog soon. Don't worry, Lavender.

I would've turned Draco into a ferret, too. But I'm still confused as to why Barty Crouch Jr. is taking this role quite so seriously. He's getting way into the life of Mad-Eye. How does he know all of Mad-Eye's little quirks and personality tidbits? HOW?

Dude's nailing it, right? I miss Lupin though.

Your godfather escaped Azkaban and made it into Hogwarts several times without people noticing. I think he'll be OK making it back into Britain without you having a hissy fit.

If Durmstrang has that giant boat and the Beauxbatons have their fancy footwork, what would Hogwarts do? Just show up and be like, "Yo. We're the best. Hogwarts out."

You guys. It's the Goblet of Fire. It's full of magic. Why on earth did you think your little scheme would work?

Fleur is off limits, Ron. This is kind of gross.

I would so not be a contestant in the Triwizard Tournament. Poor Harry thought he was finally going to get a normal year, and boom. Now he has to compete. Code brown!

Like, why would he suggest to everyone that maybe someone put Harry's name in the goblet? Is he trying to draw attention to himself?

Harry acts like he never does anything dangerous or stupid or against the rules, so why would he start now? Ugh. Eye roll.

Write in code or something, Sirius. I'm not sure how a letter is less dangerous than hanging your head out of the embers of a fireplace in the middle of a common room.

This Triwizard Tournament seems like the worst idea ever.

It doesn't seem right that if you're wearing that eye then you have its powers, even if you have your own eye. Right? Then everyone could just have one of those eyes!

I know Mad-Eye's an auror, but still. I'm assuming other people can get these eyes, too, and being able to see through an invisibility cloak seems unfair.

He can just be Dumbledore's pet dog and then we wouldn't have to keep going on with these letters and fireplace chats like he's FDR.

It's not going to happen.

They are so obviously in love already, geez! Stupid Yule Ball.

If Hermione can have her teeth shrunk to normal size, then I could have a spell done where I never have to pluck another hair from my body again.

Seriously, I'll figure out all the stupid golden egg riddles if it means I get to use that bath tub.

Why does Hermione have to do all the work around here? Surely one of the teachers has figure out how Skeeter is getting on school grounds, right?

I forgot how much they mention Bertha Jorkins throughout this. Dead at the hands of Voldemort. Although that's totally random that she would just happen to be in Albania at the same time as Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort, and would have knowledge in her brain about Barty Crouch Jr. and the Triwizard Tournament so Voldemort could try to kill Harry.

Why is it taking all of you so long to figure out that Mad-Eye is not Mad-Eye? Barty Crouch Jr. is good at what he does.

Hogwarts better be glad it's not an American public school. It would've been sued so many times by now.

And what a nasty, money-owing, in-debted-to-goblins person he is.

Without that Marauder's Map, there would be no foreshadowing of some of the best stuff in the series. Harry seeing Barty Crouch's name, but it actually being Mad-Eye? So good.

Seriously, Ron and Harry thinking that Snape put Harry's name in the Goblet of Fire? UGH. He's trying to protect you, you little snot!

OK, what the hell? Hermione can't think of a way to breathe underwater? Harry spends two weeks doing research and still can't find a way? You're a wizard, Harry! Pull yourself together.

I mean, let's be real. Harry would miss Sirius way more than he would miss Ron.

Seriously, Hermione is who Krum would miss the most? They move fast. They've known each other for what? A semester?

I would have also felt sh*tty leaving a little girl as a hostage for the merpeople.

I like the generic merpeople. That's very feminist and inclusive of her.

Reading Rita Skeeter's article out loud to humiliate Hermione? Rude. What did Hermione ever do to you?

Talk about a disloyal bunch. Karkaroff is freaking out about that Dark Mark because he totally spilled the beans on other Death Eaters in order to save his butt. If you're not fully committed to the evil that is Lord Voldemort, why even try?

Dude. Both Death Eaters. God, sometimes you wizards are totally thick.

Sending your own son to Azkaban? Your wife dying? That's all pretty devastating. Poor Barty Sr.

The Marauder's Map doesn't lie, Sirius. You helped make it! People also thought Peter Pettigrew was dead and you didn't. How is no one putting together the fact that Moody was caught in Snape's office, sh*t to make Polyjuice potion is missing from Snape's office, Moody was attacked before the school year started, and Barty Crouch's name was on the map? HOW? It's so obvious after you've read it once, geez.

How many people have to scold him about sneaking off to the Forbidden Forest with other people before he starts listening? He's just asking to be hurt at this point.

Coolest wizard gadget ever, right? I need it.

Totally forgot that you get to see Bellatrix on trial for cursing the Longbottoms. Creepy.

When Dumbledore tells Harry about Neville's parents, doesn't your heart just shatter?

And I still can't believe it was Hermione and not one of the many professors at Hogwarts. Sheesh.

The Triwizard Tournament sounds horrible enough, but with that stupid maze? NO THANK YOU. That is the thing nightmares are made of.

Serious kudos to you, J.K. That was a brilliant idea.

No, but really. How was tiny deformed baby Voldemort able to use a curse on Bertha Jorkins, kill her, and kill that muggle Frank all while Wormtail has to carry him into his creepy bubble bath? Also, why is he so weak? He has all those horcruxes around! He doesn't get that weak in the end until there's only one horcrux left.

Although I would've totally left my spouse, too if I discovered that they had put a spell on me to make me fall in love and then turned out to be a witch. That seems a little rude.

Or Bagman. Or Karkaroff. D*mn, J.K. did it again. I thought it was going to be anyone but Mad-Eye the first time I read this.

Foreshadowing from the first book led us to here and this is brilliant. I love that Harry and Voldemort's wands are brothers and their battle is so intense.

Who found his wand in Godric's Hollow? Where has it been? Surely he didn't still have it while he was possessing animals and Quirrel, did he?

Like, he just showed up with Cedric's dead body? No one wants Harry to stick around so they can talk to him a little more before Mad-Eye just drags him off?

Seriously. Way too long.

He seriously just told Professor McGonagall to fetch a large black dog from the pumpkin patch and take it to his office. Hilarious. I ask again, why couldn't Sirius have just pretended to be Hagrid's pet dog this whole time?

What a sacrifice for Mrs. Crouch to be buried as her son so he could escape. I totally get why J.K. says the death of her mother is what made these books so special.

Bad move on Barty Crouch Sr.'s part. Why in the world would you think that your Death Eater, escaped-from-Azkaban son could be trusted?

Fudge is the worst minister ever. Why would you let a dementor suck the soul out of a key witness in the rebirth of Voldemort? More foreshadowing that Fudge isn't going to believe Voldemort's really back.

I love that Dumbledore says it's time to summon the Order back together. Chills, every time