83 Thoughts You Have When You Re-Read 'Harry Potter & The Goblet Of Fire'
Although the Harry Potter series gets progressively darker as you read, I think Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire might be where the series really gets grim. If you haven't picked up the fourth book in a while, two things are going to happen: You're going to be shocked at the amount of stuff that got left out of the movie, and you're going to be overwhelmed with the thoughts you have when you re-read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
Don't you remember getting the fourth Harry Potter book and thinking, "Oh my God, this is going to take me eight years to read?" Turns out it only took you a weekend and a lot of homework procrastination because man, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is full of stuff. There's entire backstories about Lord Voldemort's family, and you start to get a little deeper into the relationships between Harry, Ron, and Hermione. And that whole Mad-Eye Moody and Barty Crouch storyline? Perfect.
But Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is where we actually start witnessing deaths instead of learning about ones that happened years prior. Things start to get really dark, really creepy, and really tragic. I firmly believe that the fourth book is the turning point; that you can no longer call them "juvenile" or strictly children's books once you enter the novel with the tri-wizard tournament. Regardless of your favorite book in the series or if you think the fourth book is still child's play, here are 83 thoughts you have when you re-read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.
1. A Mysterious Dark-Haired Boy, You Say?
Isn't it weird reading about the deaths of the Riddles and knowing that Lord Voldemort is the one behind it? Dude, what a creep show.
2. UGH, Wormtail
Don't you just want to Avada Kedavra him yourself? Wormtail is the worst.
3. Where The Hell Did Nagini Come From?
Where has he been keeping her all this time? It's seriously weird to think that Nagini is now a horcrux because of Bertha Jorkins's death.
4. How Can Voldemort Cast A Curse?
We don't get to hear what he looks like yet, but knowing that he's super weak and is basically going to be dipped into his version of a bubble bath before he emerges as a nose-less, long-fingered dude, how the hell is he strong enough to cast a curse? Does he have his wand in his hands? How did that happen?
5. Why Doesn't Harry Write To Dumbledore About The Dream?
I get that because Sirius was friends with Pettigrew, it makes sense to let him know. But for some one who goes on and on about being safe because Dumbledore's around and always wanting him nearby when sh*t happens, he never wants to tell the headmaster anything.
6. Molly, You Should've Just Used An Owl
I get that Harry's wizard friends want to do things the "muggle" way to please the Durselys, but they should know by now that Vernon's going to get pissed regardless. So Molly sending a letter addressed with way too many stamps is just silly. She should've just used an owl. Or asked Hermione! Hermione was raised as a muggle, she'd know, geez.
7. Fred & George Are Kind Of Jerks
I mean, sure, seeing Dudley with a giant tongue is kind of hilarious, but Mr. Weasley's right; the twins could've totally messed up some serious wizard-muggle relations.
8. No, Seriously, Fred & George Would Give Me Gray Hair
I've said it before and I'll say it again, Molly and Arthur Weasley are saints. Fred and George never listen to them and I would be totally gray if I had to deal with those two as my children.
9. Also, Sad Face For Fred
OK, I know other people die, but reading about Fred and knowing that in a few years he's going to die is kind of heartbreaking, right?
10. Foreshadowing That Percy Is Going To Be A Jerk
Seriously, Percy is already droning on about his ministry work. J.K. Rowling made sure to throw in some foreshadowing about him becoming a total ministry a-hole.
11. Bill Sounds Hot
Dude, long hair and an earring? Sign me up, Bill Weasley. Fleur ain't got nothin' on me. Also, more foreshadowing! I love that we're talking about Bill's appearance and soon he's going to be mauled by a werewolf.
12. Portkeys Sound Terrible
I think that would be my least favorite way to travel in the wizarding world. Also, more foreshadowing! Portkeys aren't going to sound so great at the end of this book, Harry. (And Cedric.)
13. I Want To Go To The Quidditch World Cup
Seriously, how fun do they sound?
Totally forgot about Winky the house-elf! Poor Winky. Terrified of heights and being forced to save Crouch's seat anyway. Don't you just want to wrap her up in a blanket and take her home?
15. Veela & Krum Means More Foreshadowing
Hermione, you're totally going to be lusted after by Krum, and Bill is totally going to marry a chick who's half-Veela. I'm basically psychic now. Like Professor Trelawney, except accurate.
16. That Riot Is Like A Donald Trump Rally
Chasing after muggles and causing a violent ruckus? It's like Rowling knew that one day we would have a Donald Trump rally to compare it to.
17. Mr. Weasley Knows Better Than To Leave Those Kids Alone
Come on, Arthur. You know they aren't going to stick together and actually keep themselves safe. Amateur.
18. Aw, Winky
Come be my house-elf, Winky! I won't curse you and make you steal other people's wands and then fire you in front of everyone.
19. Rita Skeeter!
Oh hi. I'm going to hate you, but also secretly like you a little bit.
20. When Is Harry Going To Start Trusting That Hurting Scar?
You're going into year four of this world, Harry. Of course it means Voldemort's back when your scar hurts, get it together. Also, quit telling Ron and Hermione everything and tell an actual adult already.
21. Totally Forgot That Mad-Eye Was Attacked
You guys, Mad-Eye wasn't just attacked! Barty Crouch Jr. is impersonating him with a whole lot of Polyjuice potion! Do work, son.
22. OMG, They Talk About This Exciting Event Forever
Seriously, we get it, Rowling. There's going to be an exciting event at Hogwarts. You've played it up enough.
23. Was Anyone Else Disappointed That It Was A Triwizard Tournament?
All that talk made it seem like Sirius was going to become headmaster or something. Kind of bummed, not going to lie.
24. LOL, Harry Hasn't Seen A Sorting Ceremony Since His First Year
Nice of you to not get in trouble within the first five minutes of the school year, Potter.
25. Also Forgot About Hermione & The House-Elves
Oh sweet little activist Hermione just got her first taste of injustice at Hogwarts and she is PISSED.
26. You Guys, That's Not Really Mad-Eye!
I'm so surprised Dumbledore doesn't know this already. I mean, he's the most powerful wizard ever, right? I feel like he should know when someone's just sipping the ol' Polyjuice.
27. Speaking Of Which, How Long Has Barty Jr. Been Planning This?
I mean, it's hard to take on another person entirely and convince an entire world that you are them. How long has he been working on this? How did he know so much about Mad-Eye?
28. Because No One Over 17 Can Be Killed?
I don't get how the Triwizard Tournament is allowed. They say there are new safety measures, including no wizards under the age of 17, but last I checked, 17-year-olds can perish, too. I would be so angry if I was a Hogwarts parent.
29. Ron Is Rude To Lavender?
Nice little foreshadowing there, Rowling. They're going to snog soon. Don't worry, Lavender.
30. Transfiguring Bad Kids Seems Like It Works, Though
I would've turned Draco into a ferret, too. But I'm still confused as to why Barty Crouch Jr. is taking this role quite so seriously. He's getting way into the life of Mad-Eye. How does he know all of Mad-Eye's little quirks and personality tidbits? HOW?
31. They Should Just Hire Barty Crouch Jr. As Defense Against The Dark Arts Teacher
Dude's nailing it, right? I miss Lupin though.
32. Harry, Don't You Worry About Sirius
Your godfather escaped Azkaban and made it into Hogwarts several times without people noticing. I think he'll be OK making it back into Britain without you having a hissy fit.
33. How Would Hogwarts Show Off Their School?
If Durmstrang has that giant boat and the Beauxbatons have their fancy footwork, what would Hogwarts do? Just show up and be like, "Yo. We're the best. Hogwarts out."
34. Fred & George Are Dumb
You guys. It's the Goblet of Fire. It's full of magic. Why on earth did you think your little scheme would work?
35. Ron Is Gaga Over His Future Sister-In-Law
Fleur is off limits, Ron. This is kind of gross.
36. If I Was Harry, I'd Poop My Pants
I would so not be a contestant in the Triwizard Tournament. Poor Harry thought he was finally going to get a normal year, and boom. Now he has to compete. Code brown!
37. Knowing That Moody Is Really Barty Is Weird
Like, why would he suggest to everyone that maybe someone put Harry's name in the goblet? Is he trying to draw attention to himself?
38. Of Course No One Believes You, Harry
Harry acts like he never does anything dangerous or stupid or against the rules, so why would he start now? Ugh. Eye roll.
39. Letters Are Too Risky, But The Fireplace Isn't?
Write in code or something, Sirius. I'm not sure how a letter is less dangerous than hanging your head out of the embers of a fireplace in the middle of a common room.
40. Seriously, DRAGONS?
This Triwizard Tournament seems like the worst idea ever.
41. How Does Mad-Eye's Patch Work With Barty?
It doesn't seem right that if you're wearing that eye then you have its powers, even if you have your own eye. Right? Then everyone could just have one of those eyes!
42. That Invisibility Cloak Seems Like A Rip-Off Now
I know Mad-Eye's an auror, but still. I'm assuming other people can get these eyes, too, and being able to see through an invisibility cloak seems unfair.
43. Why Can't Sirius Just Come Back To Hogwarts As A Dog?
He can just be Dumbledore's pet dog and then we wouldn't have to keep going on with these letters and fireplace chats like he's FDR.
44. Stop Trying To Make S.P.E.W. Happen, Hermione
It's not going to happen.
45. So Much Sexual Tension Between Ron & Hermione
They are so obviously in love already, geez! Stupid Yule Ball.
46. I Would Totally Use Magic As A Beauty Regiment
If Hermione can have her teeth shrunk to normal size, then I could have a spell done where I never have to pluck another hair from my body again.
47. The Prefects' Bathroom Is My Dream
Seriously, I'll figure out all the stupid golden egg riddles if it means I get to use that bath tub.
48. How Has Dumbledore Not Figure Out Rita Skeeter's Secret Yet?
Why does Hermione have to do all the work around here? Surely one of the teachers has figure out how Skeeter is getting on school grounds, right?
49. Poor Bertha
I forgot how much they mention Bertha Jorkins throughout this. Dead at the hands of Voldemort. Although that's totally random that she would just happen to be in Albania at the same time as Peter Pettigrew and Voldemort, and would have knowledge in her brain about Barty Crouch Jr. and the Triwizard Tournament so Voldemort could try to kill Harry.
50. I Know Who Broke Into Your Office, Snape!
Why is it taking all of you so long to figure out that Mad-Eye is not Mad-Eye? Barty Crouch Jr. is good at what he does.
51. Also, A Trick Stair In Hogwarts?
Hogwarts better be glad it's not an American public school. It would've been sued so many times by now.
52. I Totally Forgot About Ludo Bagman
And what a nasty, money-owing, in-debted-to-goblins person he is.
53. This Barty Crouch Storyline Is Too Good
Without that Marauder's Map, there would be no foreshadowing of some of the best stuff in the series. Harry seeing Barty Crouch's name, but it actually being Mad-Eye? So good.
54. They Have No Reason To Not Trust Snape
Seriously, Ron and Harry thinking that Snape put Harry's name in the Goblet of Fire? UGH. He's trying to protect you, you little snot!
55. Really, No Info On How To Breathe Underwater?
OK, what the hell? Hermione can't think of a way to breathe underwater? Harry spends two weeks doing research and still can't find a way? You're a wizard, Harry! Pull yourself together.
56. Sirius Should've Been Held By The Merpeople
I mean, let's be real. Harry would miss Sirius way more than he would miss Ron.
57. Krum & Hermione Move Fast
Seriously, Hermione is who Krum would miss the most? They move fast. They've known each other for what? A semester?
58. Round Of Applause For Harry
I would have also felt sh*tty leaving a little girl as a hostage for the merpeople.
59. Props To J.K. For Not Calling Them Mermaids
I like the generic merpeople. That's very feminist and inclusive of her.
60. OK, Snape Is Kind Of An A-Hole
Reading Rita Skeeter's article out loud to humiliate Hermione? Rude. What did Hermione ever do to you?
61. Death Eaters Suck
Talk about a disloyal bunch. Karkaroff is freaking out about that Dark Mark because he totally spilled the beans on other Death Eaters in order to save his butt. If you're not fully committed to the evil that is Lord Voldemort, why even try?
62. Sirius Doesn't Trust Snape, But Can't Figure Out Why Karkaroff Would Speak To Him?
Dude. Both Death Eaters. God, sometimes you wizards are totally thick.
63. The Crouch Family Has A Sad Story
Sending your own son to Azkaban? Your wife dying? That's all pretty devastating. Poor Barty Sr.
64. I Still Can't Believe No One Suspects Moody
The Marauder's Map doesn't lie, Sirius. You helped make it! People also thought Peter Pettigrew was dead and you didn't. How is no one putting together the fact that Moody was caught in Snape's office, sh*t to make Polyjuice potion is missing from Snape's office, Moody was attacked before the school year started, and Barty Crouch's name was on the map? HOW? It's so obvious after you've read it once, geez.
65. Harry Really Needs To Stop Being An Idiot
How many people have to scold him about sneaking off to the Forbidden Forest with other people before he starts listening? He's just asking to be hurt at this point.
66. Oh Man, I Want A Pensieve
Coolest wizard gadget ever, right? I need it.
67. Ah, The Lestrange Family!
Totally forgot that you get to see Bellatrix on trial for cursing the Longbottoms. Creepy.
68. Oh God, I Just Want To Hug Neville
When Dumbledore tells Harry about Neville's parents, doesn't your heart just shatter?
69. It Took So Long For Rita Skeeter's Secret To Be Discovered
And I still can't believe it was Hermione and not one of the many professors at Hogwarts. Sheesh.
70. I Want No Part Of This Maze
The Triwizard Tournament sounds horrible enough, but with that stupid maze? NO THANK YOU. That is the thing nightmares are made of.
71. That Triwizard Cup As A Portkey Is Such A Good Twist
Serious kudos to you, J.K. That was a brilliant idea.
72. A Deformed Infant-Like Creature?
No, but really. How was tiny deformed baby Voldemort able to use a curse on Bertha Jorkins, kill her, and kill that muggle Frank all while Wormtail has to carry him into his creepy bubble bath? Also, why is he so weak? He has all those horcruxes around! He doesn't get that weak in the end until there's only one horcrux left.
73. OK, Voldemort's Back Story Is Kind Of Sad
Although I would've totally left my spouse, too if I discovered that they had put a spell on me to make me fall in love and then turned out to be a witch. That seems a little rude.
74. The Servant At Hogwarts Is So Not Snape
Or Bagman. Or Karkaroff. D*mn, J.K. did it again. I thought it was going to be anyone but Mad-Eye the first time I read this.
75. Brother Wands
Foreshadowing from the first book led us to here and this is brilliant. I love that Harry and Voldemort's wands are brothers and their battle is so intense.
76. Where Has Voldemort's Wand Been This Whole Time?
Who found his wand in Godric's Hollow? Where has it been? Surely he didn't still have it while he was possessing animals and Quirrel, did he?
77. Why Does Mad-Eye Get To Drag Harry Off?
Like, he just showed up with Cedric's dead body? No one wants Harry to stick around so they can talk to him a little more before Mad-Eye just drags him off?
78. I'm Sorry, Dumbledore, It Took You Way Too Long To Figure Out That Wasn't Mad-Eye
Seriously. Way too long.
79. I Love How No One Bats An Eye At Dumbledore's Request
He seriously just told Professor McGonagall to fetch a large black dog from the pumpkin patch and take it to his office. Hilarious. I ask again, why couldn't Sirius have just pretended to be Hagrid's pet dog this whole time?
80. A Mother's Love Is A Huge Theme In This Series
What a sacrifice for Mrs. Crouch to be buried as her son so he could escape. I totally get why J.K. says the death of her mother is what made these books so special.
81. Why Would You Trust Barty Crouch Jr.?
Bad move on Barty Crouch Sr.'s part. Why in the world would you think that your Death Eater, escaped-from-Azkaban son could be trusted?
82. Totally Forgot About The Dementor
Fudge is the worst minister ever. Why would you let a dementor suck the soul out of a key witness in the rebirth of Voldemort? More foreshadowing that Fudge isn't going to believe Voldemort's really back.
83. The Order Of The Phoenix Is Back, Baby!
I love that Dumbledore says it's time to summon the Order back together. Chills, every time