Even when my daughter was barely old enough to pull herself upright, I knew I wanted a career. At the time I was freelancing various projects on the side to help pay bills, but I felt ready to take on more. In fact, I craved it. However, there were so many intense things I wasn't ready for when I became a working mom. I guess I could say I went on the journey with a naive optimism. I'd like to think I was cautious and give myself a pass, because it was difficult to know how hard it would be to balance life and work, but I wasn't cautious so I don't get a pass. If anything, I jumped into the "working mom" life with everything in me.
When it comes to my career, I've known what path I wanted to take for as long as I can remember, but as I got older and life intervened, I trailed off of my proverbial "life road." I didn't follow the traditional path to my career, but it's OK. I got here eventually, and this period of time allowed me to grow into myself as a woman, and eventually, wife and mother.
By the time I had my daughter and my son, following my dreams became more challenging with every project I took on and every writing position I joyfully accepted. I wanted to be a fantastic mother, but I also needed to have this career, as a writer, in order to be my best self. The problem was, the two didn't always mesh. There have been a lot of growing pains and, at one point, I took on a part-time job outside of the home, which only added to the intense feelings I thought I was ready for, but totally wasn't.
Now that I've found a bit of a groove with how I work and mother simultaneously, things are better. Those initial freak-out moments after deciding I'd pursue my passion full-time made me question how badly I wanted to "have it all." With that, here are some of those feelings I had, when I became a working mom (that I sometimes still struggle with today).