9 Of The Best Sex Positions To Ensure Your Kid Won't Hear You
Sex when you're a parent is different. Whether it's looking for the time to have it or trying to get your kid to sleep so you can do it, sex often feels like a struggle once you have children in the house. Nobody wants their kids to know they're having sex, so knowing the best sex positions to ensure your kid won't hear you may make all the difference in your sex life.
I'm not saying you'll never be able to have the loud, wild sex you did before you became parents, but there's definitely a shift in your sex life once you have a child. There are few things worse than the baby monitor crackling to life with a scream when you're seconds away from an orgasm or hearing your little one pad down the hall just as you were climbing on top of your partner. Adding in the fear that your child will hear you getting it on and be ruined for life? No thank you.
Sex educator and counselor Hannah-Marie Greene tells Romper that she has worked with many couples who are also parents and one of their biggest concerns is their children walking in on them having sex. "Sex is a natural thing, but it can be off-putting to think about your child knowing you have a sex life," Greene says. "Not to mention, who wants to wake their child up at night anyway? There are plenty of ways you can have sex without your kids noticing and they aren't all bland. You just might have to save the really good sex for when they head to grandma's."
If you can wrap presents and create the magic of Santa without waking your kids, then you can have sex in your own house, too. Greene gave Romper nine of the best sex positions to ensure your kid won't hear you so you can get it on without worries or concerns.
1. Shower Sex
"This one is especially great for couples with kids," Greene says. "I've worked with parents before in sex therapy and they all tell me that shower sex, while difficult, has saved their sex life. Just head into the shower, especially if your kids are awake, so that no one busts in and no one can hear your moans."
"I mean standard missionary," Greene says. "When you add in a lot of the tricks and twists, that's when things can get loud. Just keep it traditional and a little vanilla to guarantee the quiet."
3. Doggy Style
A classic, but a quiet classic. "Especially if you are the one bent over the bed while your partner stands behind you. You don't have to use the whole bed for doggy style," Greene says. "With just your hands and/or chest and arms on the bed, you can definitely minimize the noise."
Spooning is basically cuddling, right? Greene thinks so. "You can't get a ton of thrusting action with a spooning position — it's more about clitoral stimulation. This one is really great for quiet and, heaven forbid, if anyone busts through your door, they'll just think you're snuggling," Greene says. (You hope.)
Hey, oral sex is still sex. "Really any position will work for oral sex. It's quiet (you may have to muffle your own moans) and it's still really hot," Greene says.
"A fun twist on missionary is to do a bridge position. With your partner kneeling between your legs, let them lift up your hips and thrust into you. It relieves some of the pressure off of the bed, putting the majority of the thrusting in the air so it's a little bit quieter," Greene says. "Most people, unless they're in ridiculous shape, can't handle this one for too long though, so be wary."
7. Sitting Up
Greene notes that woman on top is always a great position, but you can maximize its silence by having your partner sit up, too. "With your partner sitting up and their legs hanging off of the bed, you can climb on top, facing them, and go to town. It's a lot quieter because you're only using a small portion of the bed (a chair works, too), but you still get the same experience of being on top," she says.
8. Lay Back & Use A Toy
Who says sex has to follow your standard idea? Get creative with both clitoral stimulation and penetration by laying back on the bed and using a toy. "Some toys can be loud, but the buzzing of a vibrator is not nearly as attention-seeking as the banging of your bed," Greene says. "Experiment with different toys and their settings to find the quietest buzz possible and then enjoy. Both men and women can be stimulated with toys and sometimes those orgasms are more intense than traditional sex."
9. Any Position On The Floor
"Floor sex is usually a safe choice," Greene says. "Any position is game down there because there is no headboard whacking the wall or squeaking mattress. Just be careful of rug burn. You might want to throw your comforter down for some extra padding (and sound absorption)."