For some people, the idea of being alone on Valentine's Day is the ultimate horror. I have a feeling very few of these people are moms. Moms are constantly surrounded by people who demand things of them, complain to them, and ask them to do demeaning work. So really, what better night than a commercial holiday that promises romance but seldom delivers it? There are many reasons why moms should celebrate Valentine's Day totally alone, though a lot of moms may not want to say them out loud.
Any mom who has ever heard her child say, "Mom, here, take this," only to find herself holding a sticky booger a moment later, knows how badly she could use a night alone. Sometimes I yearn for the days when it was just me, myself, and I, and the only person's boogers I had to take care of were my own (only I had the decency to use a tissue). While I definitely wouldn't trade my life now for anything, I certainly wouldn't mind one night off.
Since Valentine's Day is bound to suck anyway, I'd be more than happy to reschedule date night for another time and ring in this holiday alone. Any other moms with me? I mean that not literally, though. When I said alone, I truly meant alone. You do your thing. I'll do mine.
Because We Are Tired Of Cleaning
Let's face it: activities of any sort mean that, for most of us moms, we're going to be the ones doing the clean up. That goes for the activities we didn't even get to participate in, too, like when we come home from date night and there's shredded cheese all over the counter from the kids' late night snack. Then we find out that the sitter forgot to wash our littlest one's hands from a fun art project and he got paint all over the wall (oh wait, that wasn't paint, it was a Sharpie).
If the kids and the partner could somehow leave you alone in your house for a few hours, you wouldn't have to clean a thing. Imagine that for a second. Heaven!
Because It Would Be Nice To Enjoy Being Home Alone With No One To Take Care Of
You may not know what to do with yourself, what with no one to prepare a meal for and no one's butt to wipe. But once you get over being crushed by this disappointment and feeling supremely bored, you might find that you'll enjoy being completely alone while everyone else in the world is spending major cash doing date-like things at overpriced restaurants.
I find no greater pleasure in life than being by myself in my apartment when my husband is out with my boys for a few hours, because then I know that everything is just how I like it and nothing will be moved or messed with. Yes, this probably means I have some issues with control and probably need to address these things with a professional but let's not focus on that, shall we?
Because It Would Be Really Novel To Take An Uninterrupted Bath
My bath has been invaded by so many bath toys I've lost count, and I'm pretty certain they are all infected with that black mold I've read about but oh well. I'm too lazy to throw them all out and I don't feel like buying all new toys. I know my kids won't let me get away with disposing of them completely unless I buy them the exact replicas of every single squishy and squeezy duck they've acquired over the years, and the idea of having to take a bath in plain, horrible, clean water would be an abomination to them.
So long story short (sorry, that was long) is that I haven't enjoyed our bath in forever. If I could kick the kids out of the house on Valentine's Day, I would light me a Jo Malone candle, play some Indigo Girls, and relish the fact that no one would be barging in or knocking on my door asking me to do things. And I call that romance.
Because We Wouldn't Say No To Turning The Television On To An Actually Audible Decibel For Once
Any other moms around here feel me on this one? I haven't watched a television show at a volume level audible to any creature other than my dog for years now. The only way I can understand my favorite shows is with the closed captions on.
Plus, there's so little time these days to watch any of my stupid shows, because when my husband is home we have to watch "our" shows together. So I would love a night to marathon watch my worst TV shows at high volume by myself with no one judging me.
Because Our Idea Of Fun Doesn't Necessarily Include Pleasing Anyone, Including Our Partners
It is unavoidable that going on a date, even if it is with someone you've known for years and who you've partnered with to raise children, is not without its expectations and pressures. Valentine's Day is one of those nights where the stakes are raised, and everyone hopes that it lives up to this really high expectation of romance. Spoiler alert: it seldom does.
Us moms do not need that kind of pressure. Or any pressure, for that matter. No offense to the loving partners in our lives, but can we just go on a regular dinner date on a non-commercial, non-merchandised evening instead?
Because A Solo Night At A Spa Or Painting A Mug Sounds Pretty Awesome
Here's an idea: what if, instead of us going out, I use that nearly-expired postpartum massage my bestie got me last year, or maybe I'll go to one of those pottery places where I can paint a Snow White figurine for hours to my heart's content?
Moms tend to not have a ton of time to do things for themselves, so the biggest romantic gesture partners could give to the moms in their life might be to say, "Why don't you go do you tonight?"
Because Romance, Right Now, Would Be Handing Us Some Wine And Leaving Us Alone To Shop Online
Mama loves her wine. She also loves to shop online because who has time to go to stores anymore? Give Mama what she wants in a 2-for-1 deal by handing her a nice bottle and giving her time alone with her Macbook Air. Oh, and try not to freak out about those charges. That's your Valentine's Day present to her. Or, um, a couple of Valentine's Day presents.
Because It Would Be So Hot To Just Order Food In Our Sweatpants And Not Have to Compromise On What To Order
Sometimes when we say that we will "just find something on the menu" we really mean that we didn't want to order from that restaurant anyway, but we are willing to do it because we are nice and will go to great lengths to make you happy. Also, because you get super cranky when you don't get that particular chicken quesadilla from that Mexican place.
On Valentine's Day, however, it would be really sweet and thoughtful if we could hold the reigns and just order in solo. As in, without having to consider your order. You know what else would be nice? Not having to squeeze into something tight and sexy because all the other ladies out at restaurants are going to be on point tonight and honestly, we just can't right now.
Because Who Said That Valentine's Day Can't Be About Self Love?
Sure, the marketing machine of V-Day conjures up images of Cupid shooting an arrow at two unsuspecting lovers-to-be. But why can't we think of it a different way? Why can't we turn Cupid on his head so that he shoots the arrow into his own behind? Moms spend so much energy loving on all the people they care about in their lives, that they sometimes forget to love themselves. Self love gives you the strength to love others. It is is a great source of replenishment for the soul.
So, Mamas, consider Valentine's Day an opportunity to nourish your love for yourselves.