Please forgive me if I seem a little out of sorts, but I’m recovering from a reading binge I went on over the weekend, and it’s taking me a while to get used to functioning like a human again. This has only happened twice since my son was born, but every so often, I find a book that I can’t. stop. reading, and all hope is lost that I’ll get anything else done until I’ve finished. I wish I could say that I’ve been trying to learn and grow and read some of the best books for moms, but truth is, they were glorious novels that were purely for entertainment. I mean, technically, I do write for a living so I suppose I could say I was “researching,” but even I know that’s a stretch.
It happens to the best of us and it’s OK. I mean, as long as your kids are cared for, obviously, but that pretty much goes with anything non-parenting related that moms and dads find ourselves doing. Still, we should all be able to enjoy the occasional book stay-cation. That said, please don’t say that I didn’t warn you: There ares some aspects to escaping in the pages that are particularly challenging, including but not limited to:
You’re Often Positioned In A Way That Invites Your Kids To Climb On You
Are you reclined on the couch? Sitting at the dining room table? In a living room chair? I hate to break it to you, but your littles will make their way over as soon as you settle in.
You Don’t Hear It When Someone Tries To Talk To You
I've lost count of the number of times I had to say, "What? Sorry," to my endlessly patient partner. Unless you are a magician who can read and listen at the same time, in which case you're probably doing it right now, aren't you?
You Have The Sads When It’s All Over
It's the mark of a truly awesome book when you have to mourn the ending. There need to be support groups for this kind of thing. Or maybe that's why people get into fan fiction? Either way, I think I get it now. It's a tough feeling to shake (though toddler snuggles do help).
You Get Totally Behind On Your Regular Life Responsibilities
I mean, I wish that I didn't have a job that needed doing, or a dog that needed walking, or that my family didn't keep wanting to eat food, or wear clothes that need washing, but I guess I can't blame them for going about their business like regular people.
Your Range Of Emotions Is A Lot For Those Around You To Handle
Story time: I have a super-low fear threshold and last summer, I was way into a book that was slightly darker than my usual, light and fluffy fictional fare. My partner (gently) asked me multiple times if it was a good idea for me to read it. Perhaps the 10-minute cringe I had during a particular brutal scene gave it away? Either way, I powered through regardless of his concern and promptly gave myself a nightmare. It was totally worth it, though, as insane as that sounds. My fellow book junkies feel me.
You Are Running On Fumes, Since You’re Not Sleeping Or Remembering To Eat
It's a vicious cycle: whenever you lay down to sleep, you have to keep reading. *shakes fist*
Children's Books Feel Frustratingly Short And Simple
I'd really like to know more about the fluffy rabbit's family history, and the choo-choo train's backstory.
For Those Of Us Who Read On Devices, You Worry About The Example You're Setting
When looking at me reading a novel on my phone, my toddler son would have no reason to think I'm not scrolling through my social media feeds or watching Justin Bieber's "Sorry" video for the two thousandth time, which are things that I try to do sparingly around him. I swear, beautiful child of mine, I'm enriching my brain (with this book about zombies, whatever, I don't need your judgment)!
You Turn Into A Terrible Conversationalist
I'm sorry, I have no idea what's going on outside the walls of this house, and I'm OK with that.