It's no secret that foreplay is an essential tool for the bedroom. It's also no secret that many people just don't know how to turn a woman on. We live in a time where there are a lot of selfish people out there who only care about their own sexual needs and no one else's. (There is a special place in hell for these kinds of individuals.) Getting turned on is already hard enough, so having a selfish partner doesn't help.
It's actually not that hard to turn a woman on. Simply using the right words or touch, for example, can help speed the process up, but there are also some surprising ways to make sex way better for women, like meditating and sexting. "It's particularly important for women to have successful foreplay because it takes a woman a longer time [than a man] to get up to the level of arousal needed to orgasm," says Dr. Ruth Westheimer, EdD, a psychosexual therapist, and professor at New York University. That's why fooling around beforehand is so crucial.
I mean, yes, sometimes when we have sex and it's super easy to get turned on. But for those occasions when we need a little extra help, it's good to have a patient partner: One who puts your needs before their own, doesn't mind taking their time, and makes it all about you to make sure you reach your climax.
Who knew that there are so many surprising, untraditional things you can do right before sex to help get your S.O. in the mood.
Did you know that meditating can help you in the bedroom? Not only does meditating boost your energy for sex but, according to Emily Fletcher creator of mediation program Zivamind, focusing on breathing will relieve stress and increase empathy, helping you become more present with your partner, leaving the two of you with some mind blowing sex.
We all know that cuddling is a good post-sex move, but it's just as effective before you get intimate. Did you know there are people out there who pay for cuddling sessions? I get it; who doesn't enjoy being held? I sometimes like cuddling more than sex. Snuggling makes me feel more intimate with my partner, and it should, because it releases oxytocin which is known as the "love hormone." This hormone can help release social anxiety, stress, and create emotional bonds. So releasing oxytocin before sex doesn't sound like a bad idea, now does it?
One of my friends gave me the best sexting advice I ever got. It was to send a dirty text first thing in the morning. It will have your partner fantasizing about you all day. This was great advice, except I never know what to sext because I get awkward and can't take myself seriously. Luckily, sex therapist Vanessa Martin gives Bustle 50 sexting ideas what will make you a pro. If you've missed the morning window, it's just as effective to do it before you see your partner. Just make sure your messages don't get too weird — unless they're into that of course.
4Play With Nipples
Nipples should not be ignored. Co-author of Love Today and Total Sex Dr. Herbert Otto tells Men's Health that breast orgasms are the second most common orgasms among women. What? Why do we even have sex?
5Stare At Each Other
I once had a partner who would never look into my eyes during sex. They said it made them feel weird. You know what feels weird? Sleeping with someone for a year and not looking into their eyes. Staring into a person's eyes will not only make them feel valued, but it increases attraction, according to a study conducted by Aberdeen University in Scotland, so do not skip this step and try to play it cool.
6Use Lube During Foreplay
I only recently learned about lube. Well, that's a lie, I have always known about it. It was something I never wanted to admit that I needed, and you know what? Sometimes you need it because your mind is in the moment before your body. Introducing lube into the bedroom may not only make sex more comfortable, but it can also be super fun to use during foreplay. Maybe a flavored one for oral? Or try a cooling one that could bring massages to the next level. Whatever it is, there are plenty of sexy ways to use lube.
Did you know that the scent of pumpkin pie can turn you on? Ugh, another reason to love fall. Certain scents act like an aphrodisiac. “It appears that food odors elicit the greatest sexual response,” reported Dr. Alan Hirsch of Chicago’s Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. So ditch that cologne and microwave some popcorn, because that's another scent that will get you in the mood.
Apparently watching Planet of The Apes could also get your lady in the mood. According to psychologist Meredith Chivers, watching Bonobo monkeys have sex can stimulate arousal in women. Seems weird, but I don't hate it.
I was bartending this past weekend and this chick winked at me from across the bar. Am I into women? Not for me. Was I turned on? Most definitely. Winking raises your level of psychological arousal, Dr. David Givens, director of the Center for Nonverbal Studies, writes in Love Signals: A Practical Field Guide to the Body Language of Courtship. This seductive eye blinking move is now going to be one of my go tos.
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