When You're In Love, Don't Ask For These 9 Things

Relationships are a difficult thing to master. Well, at least for me. Being the introverted, socially awkward gal I am, every romantic relationship I've had has struggled with (seemingly) the same reoccurring issues. Perhaps I've managed to engage in similar types of people to be with, or I've grown and evolved and realize all the things I went so long without. Regardless, there are things a woman should never have to ask for in a loving relationship and, being that I've been with my partner for almost 13 years, I won't ask for them out of principle.

Loving relationships have been something I've longed for — as most tend to do — all of my life. Having grown up in a conflicted environment, going between two different houses after my parents divorced, I always wanted the security and stability of a solid partnership with someone I could trust and love, while simultaneously receiving the same in return.

Through failed relationships throughout high school crushes and a marriage straight out of high school (that ended four years later), my need for certain things as a grown-ass woman with two children is absolute non-negotiable if we're going to go the long haul. On that note, if you're in a similar boat and you feel the way I feel, shout it loud! Here are some of the things no woman should ever have to ask for in a loving relationship. Like ever.

Understanding (Or An Attempt To)

As previously stated, I'm a complicated woman. I know this and I accept this. I also recognize I may not always be easy to read or understand, especially as I've maneuvered my way through the current 13 year relationship.

However, the kind of relationship I want to be in is with someone who, even if he doesn't understand me completely, tries to see my perspective. I don't want to ask to be understood; it should be a given that my partner will make the attempt to try. That's bare minimum: just try.

A Listening Ear

I've always been the kind of person who draws inward when stressed or anxious. I want to talk about things troubling me at times, but can't always find the verbiage to do so (which is why I write). It can eat away at me, causing emotional and physical symptoms and I try to hold it in until I can't anymore.

A good partner is one who, no matter what I'm saying or (sometimes more importantly) not saying, provides an open ear whenever and wherever, so I feel a little less alone. If I have to ask to be heard, I'll keep to myself that much more.

Compassion And Empathy

A little compassion and empathy go a long way in today's world and particularly within my own walls. While I don't expect my partner to always get what I'm feeling at any given time, those times he's put himself in my proverbial shoes make all the difference in the world.


With two kids, personal attention is hard to come by in our house. I know my partner often feels the same (sorry, honey).

However, with all the things on my daily to-do list, and how exhausted this working mother is after the kids go to bed, a little attention (the kind I don't have to ask for) is a good thing for myself and our relationship. It renews all the loving feelings that may have been compromised throughout the day while boosting the confidence I may have lost in the process.

A Hug

There are some days I go start to finish without a single hug? Those are the ones where maybe the kids have stayed elsewhere and my partner and I are going through a rough patch so we spend all our free time avoiding one another. It's awful and I'm always happy when the period ends. I never want to ask for a hug and it saddens me those days I go without exist at all.

Help When Feeling Overwhelmed

I live in a constant state of overwhelm. Part of me thrives on it, honestly, but the other part is struggling and in need of a helping hand. There have been far too many instances where my partner is on the couch, phone in hand, while I'm pacing around to get chores done or take care of the kids, or any number of things.

I don't want to have to ask for help when this is a partnership. It should assumed that the work be split or, at the very least, when I'm so obviously flustered, he take over to give my frazzled brain a rest.

To Hear "I Love You"

To be fair, my partner has never struggled with saying "I love you." In fact, he's pretty much all talk and little action which is where all our problems stem (as I'm the exact opposite).

Every now and then, though, there will be a day I'm not feeling so great and would love to hear how loved I am, but maybe it's the same day he's lacking words. A loving relationship to me means loving, telling you love, and showing you love.


We're all human and we all make mistakes, however unintended they may be. Having a partner know your heart enough to say, "I forgive you," without making you beg for it is necessary for a solid foundation. Over 13 years together, we've had our share of mistakes but it's in the forgiveness and ability to move forward that's kept us as strong as we are today.


It should go without saying, I don't ever want to have to ask my partner if I can trust him or not. If that's something I'm wavering with, we're not going to work. Without trust, what do we have?

Being part of a loving relationships means expecting certain things without apology. In turn, I know it's my job to give my partner the same respect so he doesn't have to ask, either. If we're really going to stay together, we've got to find ways to meet each other's needs to ensure our relationship flourishes.