9 Things Every Grown-Ass Woman Is Not Afraid To Ask For In Bed

The concept of "adulting" has really embedded itself in the collective consciousness of late, somehow capturing the spirit of my generation. We never stop feeling like a kid but we are required to do all the boring stuff associated with being an adult. So,how does one define "grown-ass woman" then, if we're all (really) no better than a bunch of toddlers with bank accounts? In short, grown-ass women have a handle on their business, which means there are things every grown-ass woman is not afraid to ask for in bed.

Of course, a grown-ass woman handles things outside of the bedroom, too. In fact, if a grown-ass woman, as the adult she is, wants to sit naked on her couch drinking root beer floats at 3 a.m., that's exactly what she's going to do. She's also going to wake up (even if it means being exhausted) and go to her job and kill that high-level meeting that she's been preparing for, for months. Being a grown-ass woman, you see, is all about gracefully balancing the rights and responsibilities of being over 18 years of age. It takes practice, but eventually, with work, we get there.

A grown-ass woman's defining characteristic between the sheets (or anywhere she's choosing to bang) can be summarized in one word: honesty. She is honest with herself and her partners about desires, safety, and what is and is not possible for everyone to have a great time. Because she's busy "adulting," she's not going to waste time. She's simply going to ask for what she wants, so she can get back to those delicious root beer floats and that comfortable couch. So, with that in mind, here are a few things every grown-ass woman isn't afraid to ask for, when it comes time to get busy.


Whenever I acknowledge that male and female humans often have different capabilities and needs, the jerks in my life come at me like "HA! Gotcha! See? Feminism is a lie because men and women aren't the same! You just admitted it!" Right, because believing men and women are deserving of equal rights and treatment is the same as saying they are biologically identical.

Look, the fact of the matter is that, more often than not, women need more time to achieve orgasm than men. But because sex, as it is depicted in pop culture (or even high-brow culture) is built around the concept of male orgasm, this little tidbit is often left unacknowledged by the public at large, including women. Grown-ass women, however, respect the fact that sex that involves an orgasm is usually going to take 20+ minutes, and that highlighting this with their partner (male, female, or other) is neither selfish nor uncouth.

Condoms/Dental Dams/Prophylactics Of Any Kind

This isn't something a grown-ass woman asks for when she needs it. She demands it. (There are a few of those on this list. Stay tuned.) Grown-ass women protect themselves and their partners: full stop. Many people, once they are in monogamous, committed relationships, forgo said barriers, and that's fine after discussion, testing, or whatever else both people have agreed upon. But until that day, if it ever comes, prophylactics can absolutely be one of the non-negotiable pillars of one's sex life.

Time Off

This is another thing that is totally within anyone's rights to demand when they feel it is necessary. (I told you there'd be more!) Sometimes, for whatever reason, people just aren't feeling sex. Maybe they just had a baby and even though their doctor gave them the green light they feel like they want to take more time. Maybe they're stressed out. Whatever the reason, grown-ass women know that it's totally fine to tell their partners, "You know what? Not now. I'm gonna go read a book." They are secure enough in themselves to know that a healthy relationship doesn't require them to routinely "take one for the team" when they're really not feeling it.

Kink Or No Kink

Grown-ass women know that there's nothing dirty about sex and that one's preferences and proclivities (within the bounds of consent, of course) are valid and should not be judged. They know you don't have to be super-kinky, adventurous, or even especially sexual in order to be sex positive, but neither do you have to deny your fantasies or particular interests in order to conform to anyone else's ideal. So grown-ass women are okay telling their partner, "Hey, I really enjoy costumes/role playing/being spanked with a feather duster while watching cartoons. Is that something you'd be willing to try with me?" They're also fine saying, "I'm as vanilla as they come and enjoy quite, missionary style sex with the lights off."

Point is, they are honest about their desires. But while we're on the subject, here's something else grown-ass women feel free discussing...

A Safe Word

If a grown-ass woman is into BDSM, or if she's simply interested in fantasy role-play from time to time (or up to try it once or for a first time), she's not too shy or embarrassed to establish a safe word with her partner. A safe word is a mutually agreed upon term that will halt whatever is going on. (Many people use "red" as in "red light" as in "Stop immediately," which can be complemented with "yellow" for "slow your roll" and "green" for "this is awesome, keep doing it!") Safe words are all about effective communication: you don't have to be especially into kink to recognize that no matter what you're doing in bed, communication is a good thing.


Remember when I talked about the fact that women often take longer to achieve orgasm? Well, here's how you can spend that time. If a grown-ass woman enjoys oral, she will ask for it, especially if it's the only way she can get off with a partner.

The Inclusion Of Toys

Because this might be something a grown-ass woman has discovered as a sure-fire way to get off, with or without a partner, and she wants to take control of her sex life and orgasms. A grown-ass woman assures her partner that they should by no means be intimidated by said bedroom aid (and, if she's feeling generous, she can offer to share).


Because you're worth it, girl! Grown-ass women are okay showing their warm and fuzzy sides, too. No shame in the snuggle game.

No Cuddles

Because sometimes a girl doesn't have a warm and fuzzy side, or she just needs her damn space. Jeez.