Pregnancy, for me, was filled with discomfort, humiliation, and the cravings. Actually, there was little I felt good about (aside from giving into those cravings), including my changing body. As a woman and lover to my partner, I became acutely aware of how important sex was because there were so many times something small would keep me from wanting to. Of course it's temporary, and normal, but I came to realize the things every mom thinks during pregnancy sex, but doesn't say. Whether it's due to insecurity or actual bodily changes, pregnancy sex was more challenging than I ever thought it would be. Still fun and pleasurable, but challenging.
My first time around, I had so many hormonal fluctuations, I couldn't tell if I was ready for action or an all-out brawl in a back alley. Sex when pregnant was tricky, because I'd go from one extreme to another within minutes and had zero control over any of it. This was also the first time my partner and I had to experiment with what worked for us during pregnancy (positions, etc.) and what definitely didn't. By the time we finally figured it out, I had the baby. Yay!
My second full-term pregnancy was totally different on almost every level. My hormones stayed pretty level except I had an influx of testosterone (I was pregnant with a boy). This meant I had the sex drive of a teenager in puberty and, well, it was great. What worked in the first pregnancy, though, didn't with this one. Things that stayed the same — especially all the weird body stuff — I still thought about, often, but wouldn't dare say out loud. Pregnancy is just so beautiful and gross and bodily things happen at literally the worst times (like when you're having sex). With that, here are some of those things I only hoped my partner didn't notice at the time. They would've totally ruined the mood, in my opinion.
"Is That Pee Or...?"
Pregnancy sex isn't all that glamorous, my friends. Things leak and you never really know where it's coming from. Because it can double as a lubricant (super helpful during this time), why mention all the grossness at all?
"I'm Too Gassy For This Right Now"
There's a human being growing and moving inside your body. When having sex, it's nearly impossibly not to expel some gas. It's disgusting and mood-eliminating. However, you and your partner should have a silent understanding: this is just how it is right now. Deal with it or go without.
"Are We Almost Finished?"
Foreplay and all that before (and after) pregnancy are fun and sometimes necessary. But during? No, no, nope. There's too much to do and pregnant me can only stay in any given position for a certain amount of time before cramps kick in. Let's move things along without me having to say it (please).
"Ouch"
Sometimes my pregnant mind was all about getting down and dirty. The problem? My body was not. There's so much happening, it's occasionally hard to tell what the problem is. You just know you're not into it but also don't want to let your partner know. It happens. Just remember you won't be pregnant forever and sex will resume at some point in the future.
"I Hope The Baby Is OK"
Whether you're in the middle of sexy time or just hanging out watching a movie, there'a rarely a time you forget you're pregnant and stop worrying about the health and well-being of your baby. There's never a more prominent time than during sex, though. With all the poking, prodding, and rocking, it's hard not to think about what you're baby's going through. Rest assured, he or she is fine and probably enjoying the love session more than you. So get your head in the game and finish this thing!
"I Feel So Bloated/Constipated"
Along with the never-ending gas comes bloat, fatigue, constipation, and a laundry list of other super awesome symptoms we get to experience for months on end. Unless you're about to have a bathroom emergency right then and there, and need to stop ASAP, you're probably better off keeping this thought to yourself.
"What Is That Smell?"
A pregnant body is a changing body. Who the hell knows what the leak is, where it came from, if it's my body that's omitting a weird odor or my partner's. It's undesirable, yes, but that's part of sex — pregnant or not.
"I'm hungry"
You can't help when the baby wants to be fed. I mean, he or she is growing and needs nutrients so that means you're probably craving a particular sandwich you can only get from that one place that's only open M-F at lunchtime and it's way past lunch time. Try to think of something else. Anything else. You know, just for a few more minutes.
"Am I Still Attractive?"
When I was pregnant, the thought that went through my mind the most was how I appeared to my partner. My body had stretched and contorted ways it never had before. My face had broken out, hair started falling out, and I just felt insecure. My partner did a great job trying to convince me otherwise, but these are hard thoughts to shake when you're naked and all you see from your peripheral is an expanded thigh and/or the side of your growing belly.
When you're growing an actual human, it's natural to have some of these thoughts splash around when you're intimate with someone. Try to remember pregnancy will pass soon enough and if you free yourself, sex might even be more enjoyable through this time. Enjoy the moments for what they are and hope that some or your gas holds off until you're finished (for the sake of all involved).
