It’s no big secret that relationships require a lot of work and it’s an even smaller secret that one of the biggest things you have to work on is communication. In order to have a thriving, successful relationship, you have to be honest, straightforward and sincere in your exchanges with your significant other. Whether it’s telling them that you didn’t like the way they spoke to you or explaining your foul mood, there are plenty of healthy ways to speak openly in your relationship. Of course, there are also just as many things you should never say to your significant other.

Now, you know not to tell your boyfriend that he could lose a few pounds or tell your girlfriend that she shares a strong resemblance to Conan O’Brien (no matter how great his hair looks), but some sentences might fall through the cracks in your filter. And although they may seem silly or insignificant to you, they might as well be matches in gasoline for your relationship. Good rule of thumb: If Taylor Swift would write about it in a break-up song, you should probably keep quiet. Here are eight things you should avoid saying to your significant other, even if you consider honesty the only policy.

1. “I shouldn’t have to take care of you.”

There are certain things grown a*s women shouldn’t do, and that includes kowtowing to her partner. That being said, there’s a huge difference between your SO asking you to book his doctor appoints and pick up his prescriptions on your way home (if it’s not too much trouble). Nobody wants a partner that refuses to help out, especially when it’s something that doesn’t negatively affect or inconvenience you. Using this excuse to get out of being there for your partner is petty and a little immature.

2. “You’ll just have to get over it.”

So your girlfriend tells you there are some things about your relationship that bother her. This shows she cares enough about you and your relationship to speak to you honestly and figure out how to fix it. But then you eff it up by telling to her to “just get over it.” Big mistake – huge! This statement tells you girlfriend that you couldn’t care less about her feelings or emotions. If you’re not looking to completely ruin your relationship, then get this phrase out of your head.

3. “I am so fat.”

Stop this nonsense right now. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to hear this from their significant other. For one thing, you are pretty damn gorgeous. Your partner would not be with you if they weren’t attracted to you. Saying this phrase makes you seem insecure and that you don’t believe your significant other when they tell you how amazing you look.

4. “Never mind.”

This phrase can mean two things, depending on the context. First, there’s the “Hey I was wondering . . . never mind.” When you cut yourself off, it implies that you’re unsure of yourself or worried about your partner’s reaction. Remember, confidence is sexy and standing firm in your beliefs is important.

Then there’s, “UGH, never mind.” It lets your partner know that you’ve run out of a patience, but in the most passive aggressive way. Instead of starting a fight, take a few minutes to calm down and then engage in a rational conversation.

5. “My ex used to do that.”

Negative or positive, you shouldn’t compare your ex and current SO. All this phrase does is make your significant other think that you either haven’t gotten over your ex or you’re going to be comparing them for the rest of your relationship. And that won’t be long if you keep raving about your former fling.

6. “I’m fine.”

But are you? Are you really? If you want your relationship to last, you have to be honest and straightforward with your feelings. If he’s got a problem with that, then maybe it’s time to find someone new.

7. “You didn’t like my selfie.”

Selfies should not be part of any conversation, let alone the ignition for a fight. I know a few friends that were in relationships where their partner constantly needed validation on social media. But just because your girlfriend didn’t like your selfie doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Bringing it up and making it an actual point in your relationship just makes you sound like a fourteen year old. Except when we were fourteen, it was more like, “Why don’t you have a picture of me in your locker?”

8. “I hate your friends.”

No one is saying you have to best best buddies with your SO’s friends, but openly hating them can create a huge rift in your relationship. Not only will he never feel comfortable hanging out with both you and his friends, but he’ll also be worried about having a guys’ nights as well. You know how important your friends are to you; remember that his are just as important to him. You don’t want to be that girlfriend.

9. “You chose to feel that way.”

Whether you think your SO’s feelings towards you are warranted is not the point. If your partner is upset or angry with something you’ve done, you don’t get to decide that it didn’t really hurt them. Acting like your partner chose to feel a certain way instead of owning up to the fact that your actions may have caused it is demeaning and basically says that you don’t care about how they feel.

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