I live firmly entrenched in the belief that, in order to survive parenthood, you need to have a solid sense of humor. That is something I definitely have, and it's developed as I've had children. The problem is that I'm not entirely sure it's developed properly. I know I can be funny, but being a mom with a weird sense of humor (which my humor definitely is) can be a bit challenging in certain social situations. You know, like any when you're the one making jokes.
On more than one occasion, I've had other kids' parents, caregivers, grandparents, and even my husband look at me with their eyebrows raised. And then I have to ask, "Too far?" and they nod slowly while my eyes shamefully meet the ground. Of course, there are people out there who totally appreciate my sense of humor, but that's usually because they've (luckily) only experienced the stuff that gets past my inner editor. Trust me, I do have one of those, so you can just imagine how bad some of the things in my head actually sound. It's honestly a miracle that more people haven't heard my unedited, what I think are hilarious but are probably not all that appropriate, thoughts.
Like I said, though, I know there are people out there who appreciate my sense of humor, so there have to be a few other moms who think like I do, right?. If you're one of them, I'm sorry. Here are 9 times that you can probably relate to, because solidarity and humor should just go hand in hand.
When You Joke One Too Many Times About Eating Your Kid, Because They're So Cute
And then everyone starts to actually question whether you would eat your baby, which of course you wouldn't, but seriously just look at those cheeks they are the most delicious things I have ever seen.
When You Jokingly Call Them Names That Shock Other Parents
You guys, I started a blog called The Joy of Cooking (for Little Assholes). People either get it and laugh when I tell them about it, or their eyes widen and their voices go a little high-pitched when they say, "Ohhhh...interesting!" Right.
When You Take Photos Of Them That You Find Hilarious, But When You Show Others, They Question Your Sanity
"Ha ha ha, look guys! MY BABY IS THE SPAWN OF SATAN!! Ha ha ha...why is no one laughing?"
You Teach Your Kid The Language Of Sarcasm Too Early, And It Backfires
Sarcasm from a 3-year-old does not read well, at least not in front of the grandparents. Trust me on this one.
When You Can't Help But Give Your Kid An Answer You Find Hilarious And Not At All Accurate
True story: one of our friends came with us to the zoo when we took our oldest, who was just five. We came to the Toucans, and our friend turned to my daughter and said, "You know they poop Fruit Loops, right?" I loved it so much that I've told all of my kids the same thing.
When Another Parent Makes A Joke, And You Take It To That Next Level, Which They Never Planned On Taking It To
You know, when one mom looks at you in the school yard and says, "Man, I am not looking forward to bedtime tonight!" and then you respond with, "Oh, I usually just drug my children. I keep a supply of Valium handy. I can lend you some, if you want?" Suddenly everything gets really quiet, and no one can look you in the eye. #Awkward.
When Your Kid Goes To Daycare Singing The Wrong Words To A Nursery Rhyme
I love changing the words to nursery rhymes to make them sound ridiculous, and to make my kids laugh. The problem is that when I've done it too many times, my kids then go to school or daycare singing those wrong words, and the other kids (and teachers) think my kids are strange, or that their mom is even stranger.
When Your Kid Does Something That May Have Hurt Them And You Laugh (And Then Help, Of Course)
I'm not talking about falling off the monkey bars from six feet in the air, people. I mean when my kid was a year old, she covered herself in a blanket pretending to be a ghost, stumbling into things. I thought it was hilarious, so I started filming it, but then she toppled over something, and it's clear as day on the video: I laugh, then I run to get her. Mother of the year.
When Your Kid Asks You If You Packed Them Lunch In The Schoolyard, And You Laugh And Say "No!"
You're joking, and your kid gets that! The other parents nearby, though? Talk about stink eye.