It's 9:30 on a Friday night, you've just laid a swaddled baby down in the swing, and you're perusing Facebook when you see pictures of your BFF out on the town. It’s only then that you realize it’s her birthday and you forgot to call her.
WTF?! How do you forget something like that? But babies are known for changing your entire life and manipulating your brain to only thinking about babies. So how do you remind your BFF she's still a part of your life after having kids?
Well it takes work, but it's not as hard as you may think. For starters, you need to remember that you are more than a mom.Those first few months of motherhood are wonderful, sure, but they are also exhausting, overwhelming, and frustrating. You feel like a totally different person, and while you love being a mother, you also still want to be that girl that's really great at How I Met Your Mother trivia, that girl going to beer festivals, and that girl with the BFF everyone is jealous of. And you can be. You are that girl.
So keep that in mind and try these nine tips to remind your BFF she's still important to you, and that you value her friendship as much as you always have. (More, actually. Only a BFF is willing to come over to help you deal with your colicky baby and bring you a copy of the latest Magic Mike movie without complaining.)
Your life is going to change when you become a mom, so pretending that everything is the same will do more harm than good. Be honest with your friend. If she invites you out for the night and you're in the middle of sleep training, tell her the truth. If she asks you if it's easier for you to do brunch or have a night in with her and Netflix, be honest. It will go so far for your friendship if she knows you're not faking enthusiasm just to make her happy.
Even if your BFF is totally obsessed with your bundle of joy and wants to hear all of the details, don't forget to talk about non-baby things. Send her the funny meme you found that morning, or ask her how her date with the new guy went last night. You may be preoccupied that your baby's cradle cap is beyond ridiculous, but she may not appreciate an hour long text conversation about it.
It might be hard for you to literally go out with your bestie, so invite her to your place. Even if the baby's awake, you'll be able to relax more and enjoy the time with your BFF if you're not worried about the baby having a meltdown in a restaurant or falling down your bestie's stairs.
Spur-of-the-moment dates are hard to accomplish when you have children, so set up a monthly date with your BFF that works for both of your schedules. Have your partner on baby duty or set up a reliable babysitter, and you'll be able to look forward to the day without worrying.
By telling your BFF that you miss her, you're letting her know that you see how your relationship has changed and what it means to you. She knows your life has changed and that you're busy, but sending her a sweet reminder can be a huge gesture for her.
So your bestie invites you out to brunch, but you want to bring the baby. Totally OK, but you should always ask her if it's cool, too. Chances are, as your BFF, she's going to agree and be excited to see your little one, but it's a sweet gesture to ask her if it's OK just to be sure.
Don't be that mom that's all, "Well this is my life now and you just wouldn't understand." Give her friend some credit. This is a big deal to her, too, especially if she doesn't have children and isn't planning on having any for a while. Be understanding if she's going out with new friends or has a hard time adjusting to sharing her brunch time with your baby.
I am notorious for reading a text and putting my phone down, totally forgetting to respond to my BFF. She knows this about me, but it doesn't excuse it. If you're busy, shoot her a text and let her know. It all ties into being honest; if she sends you a funny video, but you can't watch it until the baby goes to sleep, tell her. But don't ignore her.
Don't agree to meet up with at 10 p.m. next Saturday if you know you're going to be ready to crawl into bed. Compromise and ask her to change a night out to a lunch out if you need to, but if you're constantly bailing on her, she's going to get fed up and quit inviting you out.