Like many mothers to be, becoming pregnant in my 2os yielded endless worries about what shape my body and vagina would be in after the birthing process. From the quintessential "mommy pouch" and the insane stretch marks, to the droopy boobs and oversized Shrek feet, the last thing I wanted to add to my ever-growing list of concerns was how my sex life would be affected. Before pregnancy, my spouse and I had an incredibly satisfying sex life. Our sexual desire for each other was a pillar in our relationship that was non-negotiable — baby or not. And it was imperative that our sex life remained in tact as we entered parenthood.
During my pregnancy, my spouse and I maintained a fairly active sex life despite my growing belly and uncontrollably expanding ass. However, through the entire 40 weeks, there was a looming understanding that when the baby was finally born, my body and our lives would be changed forever. We worried we'd no longer have the time or energy for marathon sessions or a spontaneous rendezvous. Now that there was going to be a little human in our home, I assumed that my breasts would constantly be filled with milk, and my vagina, I imagined, would be in a state of ruin for at least the first year.
It was definitely not at all what I'd imagined my first time would be like after giving birth but, considering the perfect timing, when else would we have chance to reconnect physically?
To say that I was totally wrong about my prediction of our sex life after birthing our son would be a complete understatement. After giving birth, I went through a down period I'd define as, "if you touch me, you die," and had to adjust to being up all night and taking cat naps during the day. But after the first couple of months, my sex drive returned and I was ready to try out my post-baby body in the bedroom.
My spouse grabbed my waist and suggested we have sex right there, on the kitchen counter.
Honestly, at first, I was a bit self-conscious about my body in the bedroom and worried that my hips were going one way while my breasts were flinging the other direction, leaking dribbles of milk everywhere. Of course, all the what-ifs ran through my head long before we ever had our first post-baby encounter. But standing in our kitchen one afternoon, watching over the dinner cooking on the stove while our newborn slept quietly in the bedroom in his bassinet, my spouse grabbed my waist and suggested we have sex right there, on the kitchen counter. It was definitely not at all what I'd imagined my first time would be like after giving birth but, considering the perfect timing, when else would we have chance to reconnect physically?
Before having a baby, I would've demanded we go to the bedroom to have sex or, if we were really feeling crazy, the couch, as a second-best option. But I agreed to getting it on in the kitchen and it was a fantastic way to welcome my body back. It was hot, passionate, and fit into the tight time constraint.
I was actually enjoying having sex instead of getting caught up in what I looked like while doing it.
After having my son, my sex life continued to get better. Having to navigate around his sleep schedule and feedings and pumping and all that comes with being his mom was time consuming. When I was able to step away and enjoy a bedroom romp with my lover, it was more enjoyable because it was more exciting. When my son was a newborn, my spouse and I would sneak off to uncharted parts of our apartment like the hall closet or the bathroom sink to enjoy each other. It was like discovering a whole new part of our sex life that hadn't really existed before.
After a short while, I didn’t really care which way my breasts or thighs were moving or if my excess arm flubber was bouncing up and down. I was actually enjoying having sex instead of getting caught up in what I looked like while doing it.
Sex after baby became both an adventure and a journey we took together all at once. It was exciting to experiment with different places in our home and try out interesting ways to make each other climax when time was of the essence. And it was an exciting journey to learn how to accept my body as it was and use it to enjoy my sex life rather than hide it away. After giving birth to my son I realized that pregnancy and childbirth don’t have to be the "sex ruiner" I'd thought they would be. I realized my body wasn't any less desirable because I'd used it to create and sustain life. If anything, my body and vagina blossomed to their full sexual potential after performing an amazing feat.
Yes, of course I'm more tired than ever before and have less time to worry about myself and am often more self conscious of my body postpartum than I ever was before, but having a baby taught me how to explore new and more exciting ways to enjoy my partner that I probably would have never considered before.