There are some things about motherhood that all moms can relate to. From changing diapers to sleepless nights, all the joyful “firsts” to all the tantrums and tears, we can find solidarity with others moms. But because I'm a Black mom, there are things people feel fine saying to me that they would never say to literally anyone else. So, truth be told, there are some aspects of motherhood that aren’t universal.
It should go without saying, but us moms aren't a monolith. We have different jobs, live in different cities with different levels of access to different resources, have different incomes, and have different cultures. And all of those aspects our identity impact our lives as moms, so while motherhood can feel like a universal experience... it really isn't.
This was made painfully obvious when I was 30 weeks pregnant and switched OB-GYNs due to racism. The only people who understood my decision were other Black moms. I was made obvious again when I was at the hospital while preparing to give birth, and the nurses were making inappropriate, racist comments. Those nurses had no idea they were, in fact, being racist, but when I spoke to other Black mom friends they shared similar experiences.
These are the moments that make something as simple as finding a mommy-and-me event stressful. I don't know if the moms I come in contact with will truly understand, claim they understand, or be the people who feel free to say in appropriate things.
So, with that in mind, here are nine things that people feel fine saying to Black moms that I, for one, would love to never, ever hear again.