Guys, Beyoncé is pregnant. Again. With twins. The Lemonade queen announced her news on Wednesday by uploading a baby bump picture to Instagram, and the news was cause for celebration for fans around the world. However, the real Beyoncé fans out there were even more excited to hear the news because — clearly — there was more to this news than just a couple of babies. This, my friends, was actually all about the Illuminati, and if you're unconvinced, let me lay out a few of the best Beyoncé twin Illuminati theories to change your mind.
First, though, let me clarify. Speculation about Beyoncé and Jay Z's ties to the Illuminati has been alive and well for years now. Beyoncé's twin announcement and the release of her pregnancy photos didn't spark the Illuminati rumors, they simply served to reinforce the idea that the power couple is still in with the 18th-Century secret society.
Some people may tell you that the Illuminati disbanded in the late 1700s or that Jay Z and Queen Bey are far too busy dealing with their successful music careers and raising their 5-year-old daughter to be Illuminati members. But don't worry — that's why I'm here to tell you the truth.
The Illuminati Is Trying To Distract You With Twins
Guys, the world is a special breed of garbage fire right now. Thousands of travelers have been temporarily banned from the United States, Britain is breaking up with the European Union, and reading the headlines often requires a bit of emotional prep these days.
Some may have seen Beyoncé's pregnancy as a bit of light in a dark time, but others know better: the Illuminati is clearly trying to distract the world from other, more sinister affairs. Beyoncé's photo shoot was just a cleverly crafted ruse to draw attention away from its other doings, which (apparently?) include brewing up fascist regimes and manufacturing political issues.
Beyoncé Will Now Have Three Kids, & We All Know What That Means
The sign of the Illuminati is a triangle, so of course Beyoncé needs three babies. Blue Ivy and two twins will bring Beyoncé's total to three, which will represent both the points of the Illuminati triangle and be halfway to six, which we all know is a diabolical number. (And yes, of course the Illuminati is full of devil worshippers. Get with the program here.)
The Illuminati Is Creating An Army Of Celebrity Babies
It might just be the cutest army in the world — but make no mistake, it's an army. An army of celebrity babies, all being raised in the Illuminati way (which is apparently rich and famous, I suppose).
It'll be a while before we know if Beyoncé's twins will grow up to run the world, but in the meantime, they're doing their Illuminati-given task perfectly: they're dominating headlines and bringing Queen Bey's total offspring up to three. Now just imagine what kind of havoc the Illuminati will wreak when Beyoncé releases pictures of them actually born. It'll be madness, I tell you. Madness.