You're as big as a house. Wow, you must be just about ready to drop any day now! Are you sure you're not having twins? No combination of any of these words is ever okay when talking to a pregnant woman. Like, really, just never, but especially when you're a stranger talking to an expectant mom. The best thing to say to a pregnant woman is basically, Hey, how's it going? Period. Don't agree with me? Just ask comedian Chelsea Peretti, who recently reiterated that pregnant women just don't need your input on how they look. Or better yet, just check out her epic Twitter rant.
The Brooklyn Nine-Nine actress, who announced in February that she was expecting her first baby with husband Jordan Peele, has no time for strangers who feel the need to tell her how they think she looks while growing an entire human being inside her. Because that's totally the most important part of growing a person, obviously... looking good while pregnant. In an effort to save time and confusion, Peretti offered up a list of killer responses on Twitter to some of our favorite pregnancy questions from strangers, and even had a few amazing comebacks in the holster ready to go. It's like a comeback checklist for tired pregnant women who don't have time to come up with a clever rejoinder of their own.
Peretti's response for the pointless (and rather redundant) question, "Are you excited?"
When strangers approach in the produce section of the grocery store and inexplicably get super personal.
Why anyone ever, in the history of humans being able to talk, would think a pregnant woman (or any woman, for that matter) would want to hear a stranger shout You're so big! escapes me. Thankfully, Peretti has an app for that.
Remember those old wives' tales about predicting the sex of a child? If you're carrying high it means a girl, carrying low means a boy, carrying all over means you've really been enjoying cheese (this was me)? There are these things these days that are rumored to be more accurate than your predictions, strangers. They're called ultrasounds.
Essentially, Peretti is warning thoughtless strangers who feel the need to inject a little too much of their unwanted opinions into a pregnant woman's day.
We've all been warned. Perhaps the best way to speak to a pregnant woman you see in public is the same way you would speak to anyone else. Just sort of don't, unless you've been given one of the social cue green lights (a smile, a nod, a hello). If you do get the green light, say things like, Nice weather we're having. Or, Are you excited about the new season of 'House of Cards?' In other words, stay cool guys.