I'm not going to lie: When it comes to the long list of bodily changes (hello menstruation, PMS, pregnancy, birth, and menopause) that come with womanhood, I have a hard time not rolling my eyes when men complain about pain inflicted upon their family jewels. No, I don't wish ill upon their precious pair, but I don't spend time thinking about how to safeguard them. I guess blood, stitches, and an entire human being making her exit has made my vagina kind of jaded in that way, and I don't worry about protecting dad's testicles from his children. But that's not to say these new underwear from Fridababy to protect dad's privates didn't have me curious.
I mean, initially I thought: Is this an April Fool's joke? But then I realized it was June, so, no, we are indeed discussing FridaBalls, underwear designed to shelter a man's testicles. "Having kids is great — but being a dad can be a contact sport," the company wrote in its news release. "There are 2,350,000 videos of dads getting hit in the balls on YouTube."
But I'm not a monster. I don't want my husband's (or any man's) testicles to be compromised as a result of a kid's head straight to the scrotum. So, I watched the informational video about the underwear, which were designed by the same company that created the ultra-popular NoseFrida, the nifty mechanism that helps you (literally) suck snot from your stuffy baby's nose. Clearly, they nailed it with that creation because they created a cult-like following among parents who swear by it. So, maybe they are on to something with this whole balls-protecting-undergarments thing.
Using a built-in "reinforced protective pouch to soften the blow and keep dad’s buddies safe," the makers of the world's first kid-proof underwear say they protect against head butts, a swinging heel dangling from a baby carrier, Sunday morning bed jumps, or a super eager welcome home. And, man, are there perks to keep their cojones feeling fresh and free, including breathable wicking fabric, a never slip secure waistband, and a patent-pending Heirloom Conservation Technology (HCT) which is said to successfully "add branches to your family tree."
Which sounds like the perfectly apt gift for dads, uncles, brothers, mannies, and, well, anyone with balls, right? The underwear are available for pre-order on June 6 at Fridababy.com and in sizes S/M and L/XL for $28.
I have a feeling the company senses some people might have my initial reaction to the product because their promotional video ends with: "Protect your legacy. Yes, this is real." Which is, perhaps, the genius behind the product because it mashes together a fear that I would guess ranks in the top 10 for most men with a dash of we-had-this-idea-that-just-might-work humor.
And, as to be expected, it was a dad who had been hit in the balls one too many times who inspired this idea. Chelsea Hirschhorn, Co-Founder and CEO, tells Romper, "With two very active boys at home and a baby on the way, semi-traumatic incidents have become a way of life for my husband Eric. I didn’t take his complaints too seriously at first (I mean I birthed these kids from my own body, so it’s tough to compete with that frame of reference), but after witnessing one particularly rough greeting firsthand, I decided to investigate. A quick dip into the 3 million videos on YouTube of dads 'taking one for the team' and I was convinced — this is a real problem that needed a solution."
Wife of the year, am I right? The material that makes up the protective pouch, according to Hirschhorn, is "reinforced flexible foam for comfort and protection," making it basically padded to protect Dad's family jewels. It's like a cup, except instead of athletes donning the underwear, it's dads who know too well what that 2-year-old jump from the ottoman to the couch is going to do to their groin.
If you're wondering why it hurts so bad to get hit in the testicles, then here's your answer: "The scrotum and testes are pretty much a nerve bundle," Dr. Jamin Brahmbhatt, co-director at Florida-based The PUR Clinic, told Men's Health. Which is good news when it comes to sexy time, but not so hot when it means your kid's foot to your groin.
Symptoms of a testicular bruise or injury include sharp pain, swelling, and nausea, according to Healthline. If a blow to the privates leads a man to be unable to locate both testicles in his scrotum, or he has tears or bleeding in his scrotum, blood or discharge in his urine, difficulty urinating, and/or a fever of 101 degrees Fahrenheit (38 degrees Celsius) or higher, then they should visit a doctor right away, the website noted.
I do feel like, however, that it should be noted that Brahmbhatt also told Men's Health that, "Honestly, childbirth still wins as the worst pain." Which really leads me to my second thought upon learning about these underwear: Why are women still crafting padsicles for their postpartum vaginas, but men have these underwear available to them?
Fridababy, can I request a FridaVag? Let's get together and make some magic — I have a feeling you'll have a customer or two.