Akashic Books

'Fuck, Now There Are Two Of You' Drops New Truth Bombs At Bedtime

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You would be surprised how slight F*ck, Now There Are Two Of You is for a book so profound. It would fit sweetly into a pair of 3-year-old hands, no problem. New from the famed pair behind Go The F*ck To Sleep, Adam Mansbach (swears) and Owen Brozman (illustrations), the book shows things have escalated in the years since the first almighty cuss.

"I actually have three (3) (threeeeee!) children. BUT TWO OF THEM ARE UNDER TWO YEARS OLD," explains Mansbach in the press materials for the sequel. Fuck, Now There Are Two Of You is a children's book you certainly might like to buy for your partner, or read to your not-quite-capable-of-sight-reading child with editorial license — it is out October 1 from Akashic Books.

Romper is no strange to the realities of double trouble, and while there are many very good children's books for older siblings, none that Romper has seen have yet admitted out loud that:

No, I can't play right now, kiddo.
The babe spent the whole night awake.
I know you feel sad and neglected
But cut me some slack for fuck's sake.

^The song of parents in the trenches. As a parent who recently made the decision to stack her children like cordwood in a cheap IKEA Mydal bunk bed, that the chaos may at least be limited to a single area of cubic square footage, Romper gives the book a thumbs up.

It is fashioned as a kind of explicit-lyric version of the "you're going to be a big sibling" speech that "every parent of multiple children has given at some point," Mansbach explains in the author's statement. "I'll probably leave a few copies at the doctor's office when I go in for my vasectomy."

Romper can confirm that the book rhymes, and that Brozman has yet again created illustrations that offer a veneer of "nothing funny going on here" for littles flicking through. Even David Byrne thinks it's a winner.

The outsized success of Go The F*ck To Sleep (translated into 30 languages), and the related canon (You Have To F*cking Eat; Seriously, Just Go To Sleep; Seriously, You Have To Eat) is comforting, in a way. People in countries across the globe relate, and relate hard (remember that the next time you're tempted to worry that the Japanese, or the Fins, or the French are doing a better job of parenting than you). There is catharsis in bumbling through Mansbach's profane attempt at trochaic octameter (is it even? I don't know anymore); or, as a dad said to me on the weekend, "I like everyone here because all they've done is tell me what a**holes their kids are."

Nothing can prepare you for having two children, but if you're on the precipice, it's worth considering that "for years — fucking years! — there will not be a time no one's shitting or crying or peeing." Truer words were never printed, bound, and given a glossy cover.

Fuck, Now There Are Two Of You is out October 1 from Akashic Books, and available for pre-order here.