Babies aren't exactly good for your sex life. They take away your time (and energy), and are prone to crying five minutes after you took your partner's pants off. But usually, you can just slip your little one into their crib so you can have a few intimate moments alone with your partner. For moms who breastsleep, however, it can be difficult to make it work. But how does breastsleeping affect your sex life? Does it ruin any chance of intimacy or is it just an adjustment?
Here's the thing — only you and your partner can answer this question. How does breastsleeping affect your sex life? Do you and your SO think of your bed as the only place to have sex? Does breastfeeding change the way you are intimate with each other?
Dr. Cecilia Tomori, anthropologist with postdoctoral training in public health, Research Associate at the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, and author of Nighttime Breastfeeding: An American Cultural Dilemma tells Romper that breastsleeping is a way to refer to the inextricable relationship of breastfeeding and maternal-infant sleep. That's it. It's not a way to push your partner away or to have your baby become a burden on your sex life. If you've chosen to breastsleep, you've chosen to co-sleep and to breastfeed. And those two things? They don't affect your sex life in a negative way unless you let them.
Sure, some things will change. Breastsleeping requires sharing a bed with your breastfeeding infant. If you and your SO are used to your bed being a place of sex and intimacy, breastsleeping will affect that. But it will make you more creative and force you to put more effort into your sex life. You'll find that if you really want sex, you'll grab your partner at 3 p.m. on a Sunday while the baby is napping in a swing. And those hot, spontaneous moments of sex? They can really light up your relationship.
In fact, there's a theory that breastsleeping may affect your sex life in one big way — it could actually make it better. According to Parenting, lack of sleep is takes the biggest toll on sex. If you're exhausted and fatigued, you can say goodbye to your sex drive. But what does breastsleeping do? Gives you more sleep. Tomori tells Romper that more sleep is actually the primary reason why so many parents choose breastsleeping. "Many moms who breastsleep report, and this has been observed though nighttime video observations as well, that they are not fully awake during these feedings," she says. "They don’t have to get out of bed and pick up the baby, who is often already quite hungry, to feed them, nor do they have to try to soothe the baby back to sleep after each feeding. This maximizes rest for both mom and baby."
So make your sex life a priority. It's really up to you and your partner how your sex life is affected by breastsleeping. Both you and your SO need to be on board with breastsleeping, first of all, and then you need to talk about how to prioritize your sex life. Do you need weekly date nights? Do you need a babysitter so you can have alone time? Do you need to set an alarm, sneak out of the bed in the morning, and get it on while your kiddo keeps snoozing?
Breastsleeping doesn't have to end your sex life. The benefits of breastsleeping, like bonding to your baby, getting more sleep, and feeling less stressed, can actually benefit your sex life, too. Take advantage of it. (And talk to your partner. This is the most important part.)
