Entertainment
In a move that's probably meant to comfort Ilvermorny students who are worried that Voldemort might soon become president, J.K. Rowling has introduced a new quiz on Pottermore that introduces fans to their own personal Patronus, the defensive charm that takes the form of an animal. Once you've taken the quiz, though, you might wonder how to find out your kid's Patronus. After all, a Patronus charm can be very revealing; Harry Potter's is a stag, which symbolizes how much he identifies with his father, and Severus Snape's was a doe, which proves that "Nice Guy" stalkers don't give up, even after the object of their desire is a decade in the grave. You can learn a lot about a person from their Patronus.
Learning the species of their Patronus is still fun for kids who are too young to read the Harry Potter series, because who wouldn't delight in the idea of a magical, glittery animal protecting them? "What would your Patronus be?" is certainly a question that's been asked in my household, and even if you don't get the one you hoped for (I wanted a lion, but I'm not bitter), it's not like the Hogwarts kids got to choose theirs, either. Here's how to gain insight into your kid's psyche through magic:
Log Out Of Your Account
The Patronus quiz, like the Sorting Hat quiz, can only be taken once (even if the results are dead wrong; I am most certainly not a Hufflepuff), so if you've already done it yourself, you'll have to log out of your Pottermore account before testing your kid.
Create An Account In Your Child's Name
Create a new Gmail account (or use your work email), and set up an account using your kid's info.
Clear Your Browsing Data
Whoops, Pottermore won't let anyone under 13 create an account, because it's illegal to collect personal information from kids online. You can't even go back and try again until you've cleared your cache and cookies and reloaded the site. Then, you'll have to lie to J.K. Rowling about what year your child was born, which feels a little wrong, but it's for a good reason, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Commit Some Light Identity Theft
The quiz works by having users choose between two-and three-word combinations, such as "Dream/Discover/Dance" and "Stone/Wood/Earth." If your kid can read, go ahead and let them choose their own answers. But if they're too young to focus on the quiz for a couple of minutes (or they're at school and you don't want to wait), go ahead and answer for them. Remember to keep their happiest memory in mind, not your happiest memory of them. Concentrating on that time they finished all their vegetables could result in the wrong Patronus.
Immediately Regret It
Well, that didn't go well. There are reportedly over 100 possible Patronuses (Patroni?), and I know for a fact that my son's choice, a "bunny," is possible, because that's what Luna Lovegood got. How can I tell him that I've saddled him with a field mouse? A damn field mouse! How on earth is that supposed to protect him?
I guess there's a reason Harry couldn't produce a Patronus until he was 13. Maybe just wait until you kid's old enough to do their own Patronus quiz; that way they can blame the results on Pottermore, and not you.
