For most couples, returning to intimacy after childbirth is a tricky process. With so much time and attention devoted to the new baby, it can feel like their sex life needs a reboot. With this in mind, knowing how to find time for sex after baby is so important for couples who want to maintain their bond. It can be done.
To learn more about the dynamics of post-baby intimacy, Romper spoke to clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Dr. Jennifer Kunst. She writes for Psychology Today in her blog, A Headshrinker's Guide To The Galaxy, and is the author of Wisdom from the Couch: Knowing and Growing Yourself from the Inside Out, a book that promotes a better understanding of the mind's inner workings.
First, it's important to acknowledge the reality of a post-baby sex life. According to Kunst, sex is usually not a top concern for new parents, and it may take a back seat to other duties for many months. Similarly, Mayo Clinic, noted that new moms often go without sex for a few months after child birth. Those newborns demand a lot of time and energy, after all, and it's hard to feel frisky when all you want in the world is some sleep.
Additionally, the mother needs time to regroup from the emotional challenges of child birth. "She needs time to re-collect herself as a sexual person," Kunst says. This means taking time for self care is so important. According to Your Tango, simply taking a much-needed nap and being kind to yourself is one way to get back in touch with your sexy side. Because if anything is not conducive to sexiness, it's putting too much pressure on yourself.
Struggles aside, new parents can still make time to maintain their connection in whatever way possible. "Intimacy is so important because it refuels and replenishes," Kunst says. But this may not imply a return to sexual intimacy right away. Rather, it's crucial for couples to simply make time for one another. Talking, hugging, and kissing can keep that connection alive, even when parenting duties feel overwhelming. But in time, you will learn how to have sex with kids in the house and your sex life will reach a new normal.