How To Have Sex With Your Kids In The House — An Age-By-Age Guide
It's no secret that children bring joy, love, and wonder back into your life. But they're also really good at sucking down your energy, patience, and sex life. Being a parent and trying to have sex means getting creative and making plans on how to have sex with your kids in the house. It's not always easy, especially when you have a kid that refuses to nap, or cries every time you leave the room, but it's not completely impossible.
In fact, depending on the ages of your kids, it may be easier than you think. Especially if you throw out your rules on screen time and making sure your child is engaged with you at every moment possible. Oh, and remember when I said it takes creativity to make it happen? Yeah, you may have to give up always having sex in your bed in order to keep your sex life existent. There are plenty of places in your home where you can get it on without your children noticing and it might even make your sex hotter than usual. With this age-by-age guide, you're sure to find a way to meet your needs (and your partner's) without ruining your kid's childhood. No one wants to see their parents doing it on the couch, am I right?
You just have it! Put that baby somewhere safe, like their crib or the swing, and get busy. Your kid has no idea what you're doing, you don't have to worry about them walking in and asking a million questions, and you know they aren't going anywhere while you're otherwise... engaged.
Things get a little more complicated when your kid hits the age of one, but it's not impossible. Because a 1-year-old may not be as happy as a newborn chilling in their crib, you'll have to hit the sheets every time they do. Whether they're taking a nap or down for the night, make use of that time and get intimate with your boo.
Now your toddler is straight up refusing to nap, you're utterly exhausted by the time they're down for the night. I get it. But if you're not going to do it while they're sleeping, you may have to call in some back-up. Have grandma come over to hang out with your sweet pea while you and your partner "nap" or pay for a babysitter to come keep your child safe while you and your SO get some "work done".
Your child sleeps now, but only if it's in your bed because there are monsters in their room. Now's the time when sex gets creative. Once your kid is settled in your bed, hit up the kitchen, the bathroom, or even the living room couch for some hot and steamy sex.
iPad. Just give them the d*mn iPad so you can have fifteen minutes of Paw Patrol-induced peace.
At five, naps aren't as guaranteed as they were just a year ago. But you know what you can insist on? Quiet time. Send your 5-year-old to their room with a coloring book, a movie, some LEGOs, whatever will keep them occupied and quiet. They can understand the rules at five, and the rules are that if anyone leaves their room before quiet time is over, they don't get any dessert.
Time to lie to your sweet little cherub. "I'll be folding clothes in the laundry room" is a great choice or "I have to fix a leak in the basement." Make sure your kid knows that if they interrupt, they'll be made to help. Now it's time for a quickie.
Snacks are the answer here, OK? What 7-year-old doesn't love a bowl of ice cream or some Oreos and milk? Set them up with their favorite snack and sneak off to the bedroom.
I know, things are starting to get a little tricky the older your kids get. But you can make it happen! At eight, your kids probably have a few chores they're responsible for in the house. Send them off to do one of them. Whether it's cleaning their rooms, giving the dog a bath, or picking up toys in the backyard, it's sure to keep them busy long enough for you and your partner to find somewhere to go.
Send those children outside to play, or let yourself slip outside while they're occupied in the house. At nine, your kid is pretty safe at home, so you can enjoy the peace and quiet of your backyard, especially at night time, and have a little outdoor romp.
Age 10 & Up
It's time to just tell your kids that you two need some alone time. Tell them you're going in your room and they aren't to disturb you unless it's an emergency. Turn up some music or your television, lock the door, and enjoy.