Preparing for sex may not sound very romantic, but when it comes to parenthood, it's a necessity. From preparing to have baby-making sex to learning how to prepare for sex after baby, you're probably ready to make a couple of check lists and pick up a bottle of wine because you're seriously freaking out. But the thing is, the only really terrible thing about sex after baby is the anxiety you feel about sex after baby. When the act is finally done, I promise, you'll wonder what you got yourself so worked up over.
But I know — that's not enough to convince you right now. You're still wondering how best to prepare for sex after baby. Do you need a new list of positions? Do you need to invest in some super-expensive lube? Do you need to prepare yourself for horrific pain that will only make you think you should've gone to sleep instead?
I mean, I can't guarantee that you're going to be comfortable and postpartum sex is going to rock, but here's what I can tell you on how to prepare for it:
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself.
It's like trying to get pregnant, pregnancy sex, childbirth, parenting — everything you've gone through over the last year or so. None of it is made better by putting too much pressure on yourself (or your partner). It's going to be different. Postpartum sex is not going to be like sex was before you ever got pregnant, but that doesn't mean it's something to dread or worry over.
And if you're not ready for it? Then don't have it. There's no pressure to do it as soon as your doctor gives you the green light, or because your mom group is all back in the saddle and loving it. Everybody is different and the sooner you let go of the idea of postpartum sex being something to work yourself up towards, the better it will be. (And if your partner is pressuring you, it's time to have a serious talk.)
Sure, there are some positions that might feel better than most for postpartum moms. You may need to keep some lube handy in case your hormones have made you dry, and you might want to make sure the baby is fed and happy so you're not interrupted. But think about how easy and fun sex was before you slapped the word postpartum in front of it. It can be that way again. The word postpartum does not mean 'complicated, scary, terrifying, and the worst thing to ever happen to you'. It simply means you had a baby recently.
So take the pressure off of yourself, and follow these five tips to fully prepare for sex after baby.
1. Make Sure Your Doctor Has Given You The OK
Not because that means it's time, but because your doctor giving you the OK to engage in sex is a must for postpartum sex. There's a whole lot that went on down there when you gave birth, and you need to be properly healed so you don't risk an infection.
2. Think About Birth Control
Unless you're ready to be pregnant again, you need to think about birth control. Talk to your doctor about birth control options or pick up some condoms — whatever makes you feel safe. This will eliminate a lot of unnecessary worrying, especially if your period hasn't returned yet.
3. Talk To Your Partner
If you're nervous, talk to them. If you're excited, talk to them. If you're dreading it, talk to them. Your partner may have some fears or anxieties about it, too, so communication can make both of you feel better.
4. Make Sure You Want To
Girl, if you'd rather sleep, then do it. Sex should never be a chore, but postpartum sex especially shouldn't feel forced. If you want to, do it, and if you don't, give it some time.
5. Let Yourself Enjoy It
You may be a new mom, but that doesn't mean you have to feel weird about enjoying sex or feeling good about yourself. Put on your racy lingerie if that helps, set the mood with candles and music, put the baby in their room so you can relax — there's no point in having sex if you're not going to let yourself enjoy it.